is this interfereing to much?

rachbc

lazer wrote: »

My friends sister in law was allowed to sleep in with her boyfriend in her mums house at 16, and in her brothers house etc - and surprise surprise she is pregnant now (knowing the girl I could have guessed it would happen - very immature etc)

Your children may be having sex at 16 - alternatively they may not be, my opinion is that we generally wouldn't choose for our children to be in a sexual relationship at 16, so we shouldn't facilitate it by letting them sleep in the same room.

If my 16 year old was staying at their boyfriend/girlfriends house, I would make sure I had spoken to the parents and check what the sleeping arrangements are.

In fact my 16 year old would not be staying anywhere unless I had spoken to the owner of the house to make sure it was ok, at 16 - mostly they are still at school, and still your responsibility.

My parents, and my BF parents letus sleep over from the age of 16. I didn't get pregnant til I was 22 and married (to the same man)

Condoms were freely available at home though I choose to go on the pill. My parents didn't facilitate me having sex, the facilitated me having safe sex, a respectful and healthy emotional relationship with my partner and a good relationship with them

skintchick

Bufger wrote: »

I think if her parents are so naive to think that a couple of 16 year old skulking out every night arent going to have sex then they dont have a say. They're obviously burying their heads in the sand, these kids would have sex anywhere and if you've ever been a social 16 year old you will remember.

When I was 16 none of my friends were having sex. We talked about it a bit but none of us were doing it.

Nicki

skintchick wrote: »

When I was 16 none of my friends were having sex. We talked about it a bit but none of us were doing it.

Same here. When I was 16, girls would certainly never admit to having sex, and the only ones we knew who were, were pregnant . It just wasn't on the radar at all for girls at my school and in my social group, and if a boy did think that a girl might be prepared to sleep with him, then there was a lot of talk among the other boys along the lines of "slapper" or "!!!!!!". Despite what Dannybo posted, it certainly wasn't seen as the norm for boys or girls when I was that age, and I'd be surprised to learn that we have all ended up as sexually repressed or judgmental as a result of waiting a bit longer

lazer

Nicki wrote: »

Same here. When I was 16, girls would certainly never admit to having sex, and the only ones we knew who were, were pregnant . It just wasn't on the radar at all for girls at my school and in my social group, and if a boy did think that a girl might be prepared to sleep with him, then there was a lot of talk among the other boys along the lines of "slapper" or "!!!!!!". Despite what Dannybo posted, it certainly wasn't seen as the norm for boys or girls when I was that age, and I'd be surprised to learn that we have all ended up as sexually repressed or judgmental as a result of waiting a bit longer

Yep - same here too.

I find it sad that 16 year olds are so grown up now that sex is the norm (Although still illegal in NI - age of consent is 17)

I think when I was 16, my peers and me were a lot more immature than todays 16 year olds.

Even at Uni sex wasn't on the agenda for many of us, and it wasn't due to religious factors - it was a case of being in a serious relationship before having sex.

We went out at night, had fun snogging boys (more than 1 a night sometimes), sometimes went home with boys or took them home with home with us, even stayed overnight (simply sleeping and cuddling or maybe a few snogs and a quick feel - but not actual sex).

My friends from England and Oz always found us a strange breed!

skintchick

But is having sex a sign of maturity? I don't think so. I just think we live in an oversexualised culture now.

SmallL

skintchick wrote: »

But is having sex a sign of maturity? I don't think so. I just think we live in an oversexualised culture now.

Im not sure anyone suggested having sex is a sign of maturity, however only a mature person can fully understand the implications of having sex.

lazer

skintchick wrote: »

But is having sex a sign of maturity? I don't think so. I just think we live in an oversexualised culture now.

No its not - but its somehting you shouldn't be doing unless mature enought to handle the emotional and physical consequences off.

I also think we live in an oversexualised culture now - TV shows are all about relationships, sex etc.

I rememember when i was growing up my mum would turn the TV over, stand on front of it, talk loudly etcat sex scenes (even when I was old enough to watch them - post 18!)

Did this do me any harm - I don't think so - in fact it allowed me to be innocent and prolonged my childhood I think.

At 14 - 15 i still played with my barbie dolls - although would never tell my friends - even thoguh they probably did too!

lostinrates

I would not be contacting the girl's family, and I think op has done the right thing.


However, as regards the wider discussion, while I won't go so far as to say I regret any of my sexual behaviour when younger, I am not 'proud' of it either...a little more restraint would not have gone amiss and it's what I would now counsel to my neices for example, while at the same time making sure they knew how to protect them selves from sexually transmitted disease i would hope i would convey the message that sex is not 'evil' or 'dirty' but neither does it make one more than one is without it.

Op, while not a 'child' your son is still young, and while they can legally have sex and hopefully enjoy it safely, his attitude is understandable his youth considered. Hopefully your attitude wioll prevail. A mum you can go to is a real asset, he is very lucky.

TeamLowe

when i was 16 the only girls who were having sex were in monogamous relationships but that was pretty much all of us at one time or another. out of my friends at the time i can only think of 1 who hadn't lost their virginity to a boyfriend by the time they were 17 and that was because she had chosen to wait until marriage (or university, as it turned out lol)

out of that same group there were no unplanned pregnancies. or at least, none that resulted in a baby

skintchick

SmallL wrote: »

Im not sure anyone suggested having sex is a sign of maturity, however only a mature person can fully understand the implications of having sex.

I read lazer's post as saying exactly that. But no worries, I must have misread it.