Don't know what to do!

alpha2005

tintingirl wrote: »

Sorry to hear what you are going through Alpha. You don't state your age but if you are under 40 why not try Round Table? It's basically a social club for 18-40 year olds who meet regularly and try new things. I'm a member of the sister organisation Ladies Circle and you get an instant group of friends, a social date on your calendar at least fortnightly (midweek, so won't affect the kids) and also get to do other stuff like family camping weekends, posh nights out a few times a year, and some joint events with Ladies Circle. Plenty of members are parents. Google it and try a couple of nights with the Spalding group - you might feel a bit nervous the first time but they'll probably send someone to pick you up so you don't arrive alone. You have nothing to lose and lots of friends to gain. They will be DELIGHTED to have a new member and moving for a job is a very common reason for joining.

Thanks for this, i am in my early to mid thirties and i have looked at their website and send them an email this morning. These are the sorts of groups i need. I am not up for dating, not in the right state of mind, i just need friends around me.

I will await their reply and see when their next meeting is, it might be tonight you never know.

ostrichnomore_2

Good morning, Alpha, I hope it goes well for you today.

You've been through a lot and anyone would feel bad right now, even without clinical depression as well, so a lot of what you are feeling is perfectly normal and I promise it won't last forever.

I've got a couple of suggestions for you.

1) The children. I know you are sad that you don't see them as much as you would like, but it seems as if the whole idea of your children is something that is starting to be a sadness for you, rather than a joy. There's nothing wrong with missing them; but I agree that while you have them you need to be upbeat and having a good time. Things will settle down and you will get used to less contact - but I think the suggestion to see if you can phone them once or twice a week is a good one.
2) Food! You are not eating. Whatever your mental state, you owe it to yourself to look after your self physically - no one else is going to, if you don't eat for a week then you'll be making yourself weak and ill and feeling worse than you need to. I understand why. When my relationship ended I completely 100% lost my appetite for several weeks. But I forced myself to eat, every day, something. And I figured that while I was forcing myself to eat, I may as well force myself to eat as healthily as possible. Also I had very small meals so I didn't feel too overfaced by them. I still didn't eat a lot, but I was giving my body the fuel I needed to keep going. Care for yourself. Love yourself. Even if you just have a yoghurt for breakfast, or one egg, or a few spoonfuls of cereal, or one piece of fruit. You need something before you go to work. Get a piece of protein every day, some fruit and veggies, as a minimum. Even if it's only one meal. Please don't let your emotions starve your body of what it needs. Honestly, you'll feel better for it, and it's all part of believing that you are worth it. Fake it/force yourself at first.
3) There probably isn't anything you can do about this but one reason that your ex is less than cooperative is that she probably believes you had an affair with your recent ex. To leave the family home, go and live with her as a lodger, and then a few months later start a relationship with her, well I'm sure you are telling the truth, but I know if you were my ex I'd be thinking 'yeah, pull the other one'. I'm sure you can see that it does look quite suspicious, even if it was all innocently done at the time. Not many people would believe that's how it all happened - certainly not many ex's.
4) A good way to meet local people with the same interests is through a site called Meetup. I've joined a couple of groups and while I'm not sure I'll make any best buddies there it does give me the chance to get out and about with other people nearby in a social setting; so far I've been out for a meal and the cinema. Do you also have any friends from where you lived before? Keep in touch with them.

universalady_2

A CBT website I found VERY helpful when I needed help with depression and anxiety was www.getselfhelp.co.uk

Please make sure you try to look after yourself, this will help with how you feel

whitewing

I've just got home. How has today been?

Giraffeseeker

alpha2005 wrote: »

Thanks for this, i am in my early to mid thirties and i have looked at their website and send them an email this morning. These are the sorts of groups i need. I am not up for dating, not in the right state of mind, i just need friends around me.

I will await their reply and see when their next meeting is, it might be tonight you never know.

Brilliant, that is very positive and I hope you enjoy it. Let me know how you get on!

whitewing

Alpha, no update yet? I am interested on how you got in with the shrinky people this morning.

***Goes away to google why psychiatrists are called shrinks***

loveasale

Alpha?????
Where are you???
I've read your story and feel for you-lease let us know how you are!

PrincessPlaty

2 sides to every story.....

You need to start being true to yourself and everybody else before you start to get better.

That's the worst thing about posting on a forum your ex told you all about.... It's not anonymous.

I did not tell you it was over on Christmas Day, I had been telling you for months it couldn't carry on.
I did not leave on New Year's Eve I left on New Year's Day after your brother removed you from the house after you lost the plot again and then broke into my house and stood in the kitchen putting washing up away after taking the door off its hinges to get in and then had to call the police twice.

It is my house in my name. It was not my choice to move you wanted away from your ex because she wanted you to do everything for her and you couldn't deal with it and your brother convinced you it was a good idea. I agreed to move because you promised to get help when you got there.

You were offered the help before we moved and you lied to the psychiatric nurse whilst I sat there with you until 3 in the morning.

When your children are there you take no notice of them this was the main reason I left because I couldn't sit back and watch you treat them the way you do. I had to force you on Christmas Day to go and watch your children open their Christmas presents because you were too busy messing about in the kitchen. You weren't interested, your children are the ones that are suffering the most.

The split with your ex was far from amicable which involved the police and her stopping you from seeing the children.

You are far from innocent in all of this and I know you are ill and I know you need help but you are your own worst enemy.

You have had the number for the crisis team for 6 weeks but you won't use it!

Please please get the help you so desperately need.

I didn't leave because I hate you because that is far far from the truth. I left because you were emotionally draining me and I couldn't cope with it, I couldn't deal with the way you were with your children. I couldn't deal with being isolated and not being able to do anything without having you by my side. You made me forget who I was and that was not fair. I told you I will still be there to support you as much as I can I just couldn't live like it anymore. It wasn't a shock I had been telling you for months you needed to get help and you wouldn't do it.

Trying to sell my things and my landlords things and registering yourself on dating sites and begging your ex to take you back when she is with someone else isn't going to do you any favours.

Please pick up the phone if you need to speak to someone.

whitewing

Alpha and PrincessPlaty,

Yes, there are are two (or three or more) sides to every story. I am sorry that PrincessPlaty has had such a tough time too, and stumbled across this thread, I assume by accident. Sounds like you do care about each other, but I understand from my own circumstances that it is extremely tough to support/ be supported through mental health difficulties.

I also understand that it is possible to love your children very much, but not really know what to do with them and to beat yourself up because the parenting doesn't come so naturally.

Alpha, I hope you can bring yourself to pick up the phone and call the crisis team, and pick it up again and again as many times as you need to begin to get yourself more stable.

It sounds a bit like you are blindly chasing the 'happy ever after' but you will need professional help. My husband loves me very much but he recognises that he cannot fix the mh problems; it is only because I take responsibility for my medication and counselling that he can continue to support me in life.

Do keep posting. I do agree with PP that you have to be honest about everything (to yourself and to others) before you can expect to lead the kind of life you want to leave.

PrincessPlaty

Whitewing they are alphas children I have been the only stable person in their lives since their mum and dad split up. Their mother well leaves a lot to be desired....

The hardest thing for me was walking away not only from alpha but the children also.

I have been to see the children this afternoon they didn't want me to leave and wanted to come with me, it was heartbreaking to have to tell them no that they couldn't.

I needed to speak with the children so that they knew that I hadn't just abandoned them and that I was still there for them. It was just as hard as having to leave on New Year's Day.

I just sincerely hope that he gets the help that he needs for the sake of himself and his children.

I am far from bitter I am hurt and I'm upset and that's going to be there for a while but I will always be there for him if he needs to talk and will do what I can to help him. Coming across things like this on the Internet doesn't make that any easier though.