Don't know what to do!

alpha2005

I dont know if i have posted this in the correct forum, but reading the other posts on this site it appears to be the most appropriate one.

Basically i feel like my life is on a very quick downward spiral concluding in me moving to another part of the country and not knowing anyone, feeling very lonely and simply being emotional when ever i speak with my children.

A bit of background. I left my ex wife as the relationship had sadly died and neither of us could see a way forward. It ended very badly and lots of accusations were thrown by both of us at each other.

The worst thing is the children, I hurt them by leaving the family home, it also hurt me as i had spent nearly everyday in the last 7 years with my son, to suddenly not be allowed to see him, this broke my heart.

I thought then that i had found someone that i could confide in, who understood and who could help me. It seemed that way for a while, then i got diagnosed with severe depression and had thought of lots of ways to commit suicide and had even been on my way to do it a couple of times.

It was the thought of what me doing this would do to the children that has kept me here, but i am not happy. The person i confided in moved with me to another part of the country to help me get the fresh start that my shrink and doctor recommended on top of the medication that i was also on.

We found a lovely house, perfect for us, exactly what we both wanted. I was regularly seeing my children, they told me that they loved me all the time and missed me when i was not there, but it was better than hearing mummy and daddy fight all the time. I had also got myself a new job very quickly and was really looking forward to the fresh start and new life.

I had arranged with my ex wife that i would have the children the firs week of Christmas and my partner who moved with me was cool with it.

Then the bombshell, 25th December, 15:00 she tells me she is leaving me as i have hurt her with the way i have been. I have never hit a woman so i knew it was not physical, she told me it was because of my depression and it was also starting affect her and making her feel low.

New Years eve she leaves the house, takes only her things and does not even say goodbye.

Here i am, all alone in a new town with no friends, no one to talk to and i cry myself to sleep everynight, well if you call 4:30 am night, then up for work at 6:30, back by 5 and the whole cycle starts again.

The weekends that i dont have the children are the worst, at least during the week i have work to keep me occupied.

I dont know if it is my illness or just the way i am, but i can not just start talking to strangers, i dont drink and dont go to pubs.

I dont know what to do, all i know is i do not want to be lonely anymore. I am thinking of just walking out of the house, leaving everything in it and moving back to where i came from.

HELP!!!!

[Deleted User]

Is it possible to move back to where you came from? You may have thought moving was a good way to make a fresh start, but we cant run away from our problems. If you moved back could you see your children more, possibly have them stay over. Did you have friends where you used to live? Recontacting them or family if they lived there too may be a good idea.

alpha2005

I do not have any friends where i came from and i also have no where to stay if i went back, plus no job.

Moving away was not a way to run away from, it helped me focus on what the problems were and start to address them. Its just i feel betrayed as it was mainly my ex partner who wanted to move away, because of everything she was doing for me i thought it would be good.

Now she has gone and i am left with no-one i simply do not know what to do.

I would be able to see my children more, but with the way my mind is at the moment i dont know if that is a good thing.

alpha2005

If i had people around me I could talk to, socialise with i dont know if i would feel as bad as i do, but the only people are those at work and none of them socialise with each other and i was always taught not to mix business and pleasure.

[Deleted User]

Im not surprised you feel low. Youve had a double whammy. Maybe the situation you was in was rubbing off on her and she couldnt cope with it either. Take one day at a time, firstly on the positive side you are not alone, you do have your children. And even though they are not near, focus on the fact that they do need you. On the weekends that you dont have them plan to do something with your time. I know your probably thinking what do i know, but even if you plan a small trip it will give you something to focus on. Even getting out for a walk or maybe joining a group where you interact with other people (i go swimming and although i go by myself i speak to people when im there).

marisco_2

A marriage breakdown, moving away from your children and not knowing when you would see them, coping with depression and then to lose the new person in your life, it is small wonder you are feeling so low.

First and foremost you are a dad to children who love you, need you and would be devestated if anything bad happened to you. You need to take care of yourself and get your life back on track. Do you have a good gp? Can you go and see him/her and explain all that has gone on and how you are feeling? Can they help put support networks in place or adjust your medication?

Do you own or rent the property you are in? As an adult that has run a home for many years now, you know deep down that you cant just walk away from where you are. For your sake and that of your children you need to have as little complication in your life as possible.

Do you have any family who could help you through this time, parents, siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles? I dont know which field you work in but is it easy for you to relocate nearer your children and be able to find employment quickly? If not then maybe consider staying put for a little while and keep life calm.

For the time being you seem to see your children every other weekend, which must be incredibly hard. How do you keep in touch with them in between these times? Can you phone them and catch up with them, do you use skype or email. Just having that bit of extra communication and feeling emotionally close to them may help you loads and be something they could enjoy.

I am really sorry for all you are going through and hope things work out in time.

alpha2005

Thanks, its focussing on my amazing children that is the reason why i am still here today. I have always had people around me, never been alone before.

I try to go out and do things, I went to the local football club today to watch a match, there were a few other people there, but i could not speak to them! Why i cant i dont know. I have been here for 6 weeks and ok i say hi and morning to the neighbours, but thats it.

I live in the middle of nowhere and it is very rare that you see people out and about, certainly not the same person twice.

whitewing

Don't just walk out here. Plan to move back, if necessary, but bear in mind that your ex may have her own plans for moving. Life evolves for everyone. You have company during the day with work so for now just get through each day as best you can.

Give yourself time to grieve for your old life/choices.

alpha2005

Marisco,

The whole mental health issues have been going on for over 8 years, since my father passed away very suddenly.

Yes my GP is good and i have a support meeting on Monday to assess my needs.

I can only speak with my children when my ex wife calls me, the kids are only 4 and 7 so dont have their own phones. When i do see them i just want to cuddle them and never let them go, but this is not fair on them, when ever i think about them i can stop crying, i just feel a complete mess.

I work in IT and i do know that there are not many IT jobs available in nottingham at the moment.

I just feel like people are picking me up, using me for what they want and then throwing me in the gutter, making my condition worse.

[Deleted User]

Theres a lot of people that have been in the same situation as you and still are. Going to the football match was a great start in getting out and about. Maybe next time just say hi and even a friendly smile may get a conversation going. 6 weeks is early days, are there any local groups you could join. Is it possible to relocate to somewhere busier or do you like where you are? You can change things in your life.

whitewing

alpha2005 wrote: »

Marisco,

I just feel like people are picking me up, using me for what they want and then throwing me in the gutter, making my condition worse.

That is the depression speaking.

Maybe while you are on your own in the evening you could talk to Cruse http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/AboutGrief.html

That may allow you time to sort out your feelings about your dad dying. If you have a young family, you may have had to put things on hold to deal with everything else.