Don't know what to do!

whitewing

alpha2005 wrote: »

Yes she was 4 weeks pregnant when he died. We did not even know. The last words my dad said was "little one", we did not know what he meant until a couple of weeks later.

That is one of the loveliest pregnancy stories I have ever heard (although obviously not losing your dad).

My family are the same about mh issues. The Crisis team are there to support you, and they will have experience. I do understand how difficult it is to pick up the phone.

whitewing

If you don't mind me asking, what actually caused you and your wife to end the marriage? Did you get involved with this other person?

I think it is normal for a significant change of circumstance to put ex's into their own survival mode and that can come across differently. Your ex may be somewhat worried about money but she is probably just plain tired with the emotion and the physical caring of the children. That will become slightly easier as you all adjust to you having moved away and get into the new routine. It honestly won't always be this bad.

marisco_2

Would counselling help you both? Not to try and resurrect your relationship but to be able to move forward positively. Relate are superb. Having a third party there to guide you may help.

Have you agreed any maintenance payments with your ex to help support and provide for your children? I apologise for asking this if this has been set up already. Taking some financial pressure off your ex may help in your contact with her.

alpha2005

whitewing wrote: »

If you don't mind me asking, what actually caused you and your wife to end the marriage? Did you get involved with this other person?

No there was not anyone else involved, we both fought a lot and neither of us were happy. We had not been for a long while.

I was me that walked out of the family home and the "other person" was simply there to support me to start with and i was sleeping in her spare room. But as these things go i moved into her bed from the spare room.

alpha2005

marisco wrote: »

Would counselling help you both? Not to try and resurrect your relationship but to be able to move forward positively. Relate are superb. Having a third party there to guide you may help.

Have you agreed any maintenance payments with your ex to help support and provide for your children? I apologise for asking this if this has been set up already. Taking some financial pressure off your ex may help in your contact with her.

We have tried this and she simply does not talk, whether i am in the room or not. When i was working i was paying her over £400 per month in maintenance, but since i have not been working i have been unable to pay and struggling to get from one day to the next.

No need to apologise.

itsmecathy

Hi alpha

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this . Please phone the crisis team. You have their number for a reason. Let them know how you are feeling and the changes you have gone through over the holidays. They will then be able to offer you support.

I would suggest that you don't need to make any decisions now. You need time and support to come to terms with what has happened. I wish you all the best.

whitewing

I understand how hurt you must be that having made the decision to end your marriage your future isn't coming out as it looked like it would. You have had a huge number of lifestyle changes in a relatively short space of time - no wonder you are finding it difficult.

I think too that your ex may have found your new relationship a lot more difficult to deal with than you realise. The idea of Relate counselling now to move you two forward as co-parents is a very good one. You should ask her and maybe arrange some evening appointments in her neck of the woods when you go to get the children. She may go with you, even of she doesn't say much/anything. I am sure the counsellor will have encountered similar situations. Your ex may find you difficult to cope with at the moment but she will love your children every bit as much as you do.

alpha2005

Thanks whitewing, i will speak with her about it when she rings.

How can i go about meeting new people? I just dont know and this is not helping with my condition.

whitewing

If by meeting new people you mean with a view to eventual romance, then I think perhaps your focus is wrong. I can't see that you need to be defined as a person by who you are with. I wonder if you are trying too hard to get someone else (the right one) to make you happy.

I am married now but still have suicidal thoughts at times. My mh problems are not made worse by my DH, but neither are they solved by him, they are part and parcel if me and I am getting better at handling the dips.

I am rubbish at meeting new people! I would say though that how you carry yourself physically makes a huge difference to how approachable you may be viewed as.

You could try your local Gingerbread group initially, but you may find you need to take your children along too when they are there. You'll meet kind people there who understand your situation but you may also meet people who are finding it hard to deal with their own situations so just take it easy with it. It won't suit everyone or it may be the wrong time.

alpha2005

No i am not talking romantically, just friends, male or female. People i can do things with, have laughs with, friends.

I am no where ready for a relationship, i need to talk to people, express how i am feeling, tell them when i am feeling down.

I have seem a group near me, Deeping Phoenix, but do not know if i could just walk in and also if this is the right thing for me

I will read up on gingerbread, never heard of it before.