fallen out with a friend

ekkygirl

I think we all have a friend like this, and after a few counselling sessions(for something else) I realised that whilst I love my best friend very much, she doesn't always make me feel good about myself. I have accepted that she will annoy me at times misunderstand on purpose, make out Im paranoid and that she always has time for me (but you just know what it feels like) Things are different now. I am less of a pleaser and don't drop everything to go out with her because she phones me on a Saturday to see if i'm free........now........for a catch up coffee in town. I offer an alternative but I no longer change what I was doing on her whim. Female friendships are never easy and never understood by men. We need each other warts an all.
I do feel for you but less is definitely more and she will either move on or move back but you won't be able to control that. She may well be getting arsey so that she can distance herself from you, just let her.

SirFinch

It is a real shame when this happens but sometimes people just grow apart. If her priorities don't involve you and she isn't willing to give up any time to see you then maybe it is time for you to move on.

I think you should give her a call and explain how you are feeling about things and apologies if you have upset her as that was not your intention and then leave it in her court whether she values the friendship enough to find the time and make the effort.

will.i.amnt

Personally, I'd tell her to F off.

Seriously, you do all the running, and she has the cheek to call YOU rude!

You don't need a "friend" like this. Yes, we can all have busy lives, but a decent friend would at the very least keep a space free or make space for friend.

Bin her.

Blackpool_Saver

sounds like she is one these people collectors to be honest. That is not a friendship, it's someone who wants to hang on
in case they need anything from you

Ladyhawk

I recently went through this with a friend... I kept asking her to Ho for a drink, was there when she was down and the minute I asked for support back she lied about reading the BBM I'd sent her in which I explained how stressed out I was and I was in need of some sympathy. I am so sad about it but as all the other posters have said... Sometimes you have to know when to walk away.

Treevo

You obviously have different expectations of the friendship than she does. You sound a little clingy, if I'm honest and quite jealous of her busy life and lots of other friends.

You say she's been there for you when you've had serious problems before, so maybe she feels you're a bit of an energy suck? I've certainly felt that with friends before who seem to leap from one drama to the next and expect me to spend hours upon hours listening to them going on about how much of a tragic victim they are. When it's been a friend I couldn't just cut out completely, I pretty much do what your friend has done and cut them back to only group social occasions and the odd text and email.

You want her to be your best friend, there constantly for you, but she doesn't want this. It sounds like she just wants an old friend to see now and again. You don't have any right to demand she reprioritises you above her other friends, family and commitments anymore than she has the right to do it to you.

charlies-aunt

Your close friendship seems to have changed over time - sad to say, it happens as priorities, common interests and commitments change.

I have "friends" that I dread hearing from! These friendships are very one sided as they only make contact when they are having problems and want someone to listen/support/help - as soon as their issues are resolved, I don't hear from them again until the next drama. I avoid answering the phone now when they ring as I don't want the commitment of spending endless hours on the phone every day for the next 2-3 weeks listening to them & I have enough on my plate coping with my own issues without taking on board other peoples negativity and problems

Its the start of a New Year so its a good opportunity to make a positive change and choose to spend time with people who value and reciprocate your friendship

apesxx

I have lost a few friends where the effort was all one sided. Both times I got so fed up of always making the effort that I gave up and decided I would see when they both contacted me. this is at different times, not both same time. low and behold no contact since so I don't bother anymore. one person I haven't seen for years and the other I only say hi to if I pass her in the street.

Now I save my precious time for my true friends, the ones that ring me and bother to get in touch to see how I am, not always the other way round.

FBaby

OP, I totally find myself in your post..... in the position of your friend So maybe I can give a bit of insight if it could help?

I have been close to a friend for 13 years. She is lovely and I adore her. We have children of exactly the same age (I also have a younger one). When the children were little we spent a lot of time together, then we both became single and found comfort with each other. We used to go on day trips once or twice a year just her and I which was very special.

Then things changed in my life. I met someone BUT I also faced changes in my working environment. Being with someone certainly demand much time and attention, but in my case, it is the change in my jobs that has made me a lot less available. I am back to working full-time, travelling two hours every day, and my new role is extremely stressful and mentally demanding. I am constantly shattered and only about coping with all the demands of life.

I am also very fortunate to have many friends, who unfortunately don't know each other, so seeing them is seeing them individually and I really struggle.

What I want to say is that I feel guilty I let me friends down all the time especially the one above and it is breaking my heart, but I genuinely struggle to make time for her. My days are completely full as are my week-ends.

Most importantly, I have become anxious at the prospect of making any plans because I am worried that I will be so tired all I will want to do is rest at home. The darkness of winter makes it even more the case. I often cancel plans for that exact reason, or because something else comes up, and that makes me feel even worse so find it easier not to make plans in advance.

I am very lucky that all my friends are very understanding because they know what my life is like, and in a way, they also struggle themselves and understand. Saying that, I am always apologetic and would never get angry unless they said something really hurtful, so it very much depends on what exactly you said to your friend.

I would suggest you have a big heart to heart with her. In the end, if her life is like mine, it is for her to consider trying to make some changes (I am trying to do that, but it's not easy) or accept to lose some of her friendships (I really really hope I won't, but if it happens, I will understand that my friends don't think my friendship worthy).

geri1965_2

will.i.amnt wrote: »

Personally, I'd tell her to F off.

Seriously, you do all the running, and she has the cheek to call YOU rude!

You don't need a "friend" like this. Yes, we can all have busy lives, but a decent friend would at the very least keep a space free or make space for friend.

Bin her.

In normal circumstances I would agree, but the OP and this person have mutual friends so I think a bit more tact is required.

I had a close friend (best friend for a long time) who over the years proved to me she was not worth wasting my efforts on (including going to bed with my then boyfriend). We never fell out as such but I just stopped bothering to make direct contact with her and now I only see her when other friends have social events that we both go to.

There is no awkwardness or anything and we actually get on well when we meet, it's just that we both know our close friendship has ended and we have both moved on.