fallen out with a friend

Sambucus_Nigra

Her expectations of what your friendship is - is obviously different from your expectation. I'd just probably say 'we obviously have different expectations of friendship, you get upset when I suggest getting together but I get upset when you can't be bothered to get together so I'll just let it go and see you around'.

benny123

I agree that you don't want to part on bad terms but it does seem that you should part the friendship as it is not bringing you pleasure just resentment and stress. It is sad that some friendships do go this way but it can be the case.

Mayflower10cat

Just to say, have had similar issue with friend that used to be close.... Left our friendship on an 'waiting to hear if you can come to our party...' Party went ahead without her and family. Heard nothing since, just a few vague updates from mutual friends. I haven't poked the hornets nest at all as to be honest, we've been constant favour providers for a few years. If I were you I'd quietly back out and carry on with your own life, don't worry about it for now. Some friends will go and some will stay - the ones that stay are in for the long haul.

I wish you Luck.

pinkshoes

an9i77 wrote: »

Anyway, I thought new year - new effort and decided to invite her and her husband to dinner, thinking January is a quiet month. I asked her to let me know when she was free. She came back and said she couldn't commit to a date because this may be happening or that may be happening - one of these things is a very vague plan that may not even happen at all. I suggested we pencil something in and can cancel it if needs be but she did not respond.

I'm a busy person (2 year old and full time student training to become a teacher - MANIC!!), but if a friend asked me round to dinner, I'd either make time, or at the very least pencil it in, as I'd certainly LOVE to go!! It's horrible being so busy and not having much time for friends.

The fact she made excuses and didn't even want to pencil something in makes her feelings very clear. She has moved on and has other friends she'd rather spend her limited time with.

You need to move on too and make new friends.

skintchick

Lilith1980 wrote: »

I guess, if I was in your shoes, I would leave things be and hand the initiative over to my friend to contact ME. And if she didn't then it would only serve to prove the point that she wasn't really interested in maintaining the friendship.

I did this with what had been my best friend.

She fell out with me over me forgetting I was due to go out with her during a very difficult time in my life. I realised when she texted me after I was 45 mins late and I immediately phoned her and apologised, said I could be out in five minutes, but she went ballistic at me, shouting and ranting, referred to my daughter as "your f*cking child" and went totally mental.

I couldn't get a word in edgeways but managed to say sorry at the start of the call. She shouted at me then hung up.

I left it, she texted the next morning saying she was "sure I will calm down soon".

She was obviously expecting me to call her and make all the running, due to other things going on in our friendship I decided to leave the ball in her court. I felt that she had been so unreasonable that I couldn't just pretend it never happened.

And she never texted or phoned.

Now, we just see each other at church occasionally (I'm regular, she isn't) and just about say hello to each other.

It's weird after years of very close friendship, but I know I am better off out of it.

Sometimes you do just have to walk away.

Sneezy

If the friendship isn't two sided then walk away. There's not much point putting your efforts in if you don't get anything back.

I walked away from a 15 year friendship after that person bad mouthed my best friend - she recently added me back on fb but I've declined - there's just no point between us we've changed too much.

sassyblue

My tuppence worth...... I think your friend has moved on a bit but is manipulative when you take the issue up with her, making herself the victim. Don't fall for it! As others said, be polite but distance yourself.

My response to your email - if l was a real friend - would have been to apologise and promise to sort some dates out, because l can see how it must have looked from your perspective. Is she always a drama llama?

I do sympathise, I'm going through something similar ATM with one of my closest friends, her hubby and my hubby were also like brothers but she got a new job a year ago and since then they are doing more with other couples she sees through work than us. They never seem to have the money to go out with us but can go horse racing with their new mates when it suits! It is sad but I'm not going to push anything, if that's what they want so be it.

missindecisive

I can identify with your post...ive been the friend who's moved on and also been the friend in your shoes...it hurts but you now have to move on to a new phase and accept that things will never now be as they once was.

ska_lover

It is a real sadness when best adult friends fall out. Your best female friend may have been with you longer than your husband - and if you fall out, it is almost like being dumped, or bereft. It might sound dramatic, but it IS the break up of one of the closest relationships you will ever have...and I wonder who ever finds a ''replacement'' best friend - I doubt it, I have never met anyone else who 'gets me' like she did.

I say this, because me and my (was) best friend fell out a short while ago, and are unlikely to ever speak again. We used to be extreamly close and had been best buds for 15 years...Things have changed dramatically though, and instead of a friendship of equals, it feels to me that I am only needed for emotional support as/when needed, or when she wants to borrow a few quid.

I honestly do feel bereft, and actually woke up in the night sobbing the night it happened and feel so depressed and constantly thinking/worrying about her.

Please don't tell me to contact her, because there really isn't anything worth saving with me and her now, but just wanted to show my empathy to the OP and say, I can feel your pain. But I do not have the answers

ska_lover

It really does hurt though OP, i was in tears typing that