How to stop toddler hitting and throwing things at mum?

zaksmum

an9i77 wrote: »

My little boy is going through a phase now where he doesn't understand why he can't have what he wants when he wants it, and has a massive paddy every time he can't get his own way.
If I give in and let him have his own way he will only persist in this thinking and it will get deeper entrenched, so we just say no and if he persists in trying to do what he wants (this morning it was trying to get down the stairs when we were both upstairs) then I pick him up and put him in his cot or the play pen for two mins.
Its either that or he will be running rings around me for the next 10 years!
I think it is more loving to give firm boundaries and fair rules, than to not do this and have a chaotic environment where the kid thinks they can rule the roost.

I agree. From what I can remember of bringing up my own children they will test you to see how far they can push the boundaries. A toddler's tantrum can be unpredictable without any real reason for it and apart from simply giving in all the time the only thing you can do is stand your ground somehow and let the toddler know screaming/throwing/hitting etc. won't get him what he wants.

It can be VERY exhausting though. No wonder it's called the Terrible Twos!

sassyblue

Just to add, l thought one of the best pieces of advice l was given about bad behaviour was to let the child know his behaviour was naughty and not them.

I grew up feeling worthless and l was told everyday that l was bad or naughty for something - knowing my mum (who is not evil but was bogged down with work and children and anal about cleanliness) it was for something like not taking my shoes off at the door.

mrcow

an9i77 wrote: »

My little boy is going through a phase now where he doesn't understand why he can't have what he wants when he wants it, and has a massive paddy every time he can't get his own way.

Bless - it won't last long.

My son went through a stage when he was about 2-3 of waking me up in the morning by tipping my bedtime glass of water over my head. We laugh about it now (although it's taken about 8 years to get to that stage!)

jellyhead

I think a time-out can be effective without making the child feel awful, as long as it's done properly. I went on a parenting course (Webster-Stratton) where the health visitor said it can be okay as a last resort as long as you do it properly and talk about it afterwards - but she thought that if the other strategies were used then it wouldn't often be necessary.

My 7 year old has been in time-out twice (in his life I mean, not just today!) and I don't think it did him any harm. It allowed him to calm down and get control of his temper, and stop things from escalating. Once he stops and thinks about things he realises that either he's being unreasonable, or he decides that even though he thinks I am wrong it's not worth the fight.

At age 2 neither of my boys would have understood a punishment that would take place hours later.

zaksmum

I know they have to be shown their behaviour is naughty NOW and not anytime later...bit like puppy training really!

Hopefully if he is taken away from whatever situation is upsetting him for a couple of minutes he might get the message that clobbering mum isn't acceptable!

(Interestingly, he doesn't hit his daddy...just mum!)

luxor4t

ash28 wrote: »

......Life is hard enough now for young people without them growing up thinking that a hug and a chat is all that is required when they do something unacceptable.

^ This.
Particularly as when a child goes to school the teachers cannot hug and tell pupils they love them when pupils are acting in an unacceptable manner.

Errata

zaksmum wrote: »

I know they have to be shown their behaviour is naughty NOW and not anytime later...bit like puppy training really!

Hopefully if he is taken away from whatever situation is upsetting him for a couple of minutes he might get the message that clobbering mum isn't acceptable!

(Interestingly, he doesn't hit his daddy...just mum!)

Kids, men and dogs all are made happier by clear instructions and the immediate application of consequences for unacceptable behaviour.

zaksmum

Errata wrote: »

Kids, men and dogs all are made happier by clear instructions and the immediate application of consequences for unacceptable behaviour.

Probably all have similar attention spans...!:)

valk_scot

I think raising kids is just like training puppies, you use a lot of clear instructions and repetitions, lots of praise when they get it right and a good clear NO when they don't. Though my OH thought I was taking things a bit far when I taught the kids to walk to heel and take my hand to cross the road when I clicked my fingers. (I thought it a most useful technique, actually, I can still get them to do it and they're teenagers now, lol.)

The most important things to remember though are to keep it simple, to make sure the disciplinary action happens as quickly as possible after the disobedience and most importantly to do it every single time. No point in making the effort 99 times and then letting the 100th one go by because you can't be arsed to get up and do it. They'll only remember the 100th time!

Person_one

sassyblue wrote: »

What's her weight got to do with anything? She's not punishing the kids by sitting on them.

Haven't you heard? It doesn't matter how many desperately unhappy families you help, if you weigh too much while you do it then it doesn't count.