Time to stop pretending it will be ok!

runforlife

Stick with it Julie. You are doing brilliantly!! Debt is hard enough to deal with without the added complications of a father who isn't pulling his weight.

By the way, how did your dating go? Are you still seeing him? If not then don't forget to make sure you find time for yourself once in a while, whether that be a walk in the park, a coffee or a trip to the library etc. It's important!

It's not far until the end of your first year recording your diary. What an achievement you have made and I hope you are congratulating yourself. May 2014 be even brighter for you.

julie2710

Thank you Katsclaws and Runforlife. I do love where I live. It's such a lovely place. Yes we could make do with smaller but we have a lovely big garden and the boys have a great tree house in an ancient apple tree. Every year we have what the boys call "apple day" when we go out armed with boxes and bags and pick (or shake) all the apples off the tree. They are Bramleys so freezer is then stocked for the year plus we end up giving loads away too. Not bad for a tree that is about 50+ years old!! We are also just a couple of minutes walk from the seafront so in the summer we cycle along the sea wall of an evening and we spent so much time down there this summer. We would so miss it all if we moved, so for now we will just economise on other things!:o

The dating was ok but I just wasn't feeling it. I'm not sure if he just wasn't the right one or whether I just kept thinking about how many hours I'd been out and how much I'd have to pay the childminder? . No seriously, it just didn't feel right so I'm back on the [STRIKE]shelf[/STRIKE] market . Sometimes I wonder if I even have time for dating!

I was looking back at my diary yesterday! I can't believe it's been nearly a year. Part of me thinks about the amount I've paid off of my debts, then another part of me thinks if I carry on at this rate each year I'll still be here in 12 years!!! I know that wont be the case in reality as as the debt comes down so will the interest I'm paying and so I will clear it quicker! I do need to try and get some more ways of making money though! If I could find the time a serious declutter would be good! Actually I've got a load of kids clothes that probably won't be worth try to sell individually so I'm going to google now to see where I can take them where they pay you by the kilo. I'm sure a friend mentioned something! If that doesn't work they are just going to go to the charity shop!

vasseur

The dating was ok but I just wasn't feeling it. I'm not sure if he just wasn't the right one or whether I just kept thinking about how many hours I'd been out and how much I'd have to pay the childminder? . No seriously, it just didn't feel right so I'm back on the [STRIKE]shelf[/STRIKE] market . Sometimes I wonder if I even have time for dating!

Welcome to my world..........

I do need to try and get some more ways of making money though! If I could find the time a serious declutter would be good! Actually I've got a load of kids clothes that probably won't be worth try to sell individually so I'm going to google now to see where I can take them where they pay you by the kilo. I'm sure a friend mentioned something! If that doesn't work they are just going to go to the charity shop!

Why don't you bundle them up in age batches - say 5 or 6 items - and stick them on ebay? Mention which brands are included like Next, M&S etc, start them at a fiver and watch the bids roll in...

Good luck!

LannieDuck

Agreed on clothes bundles - the pay by the kilo places hardly give you anything. Bundling them on ebay / Facebook selling groups is a much better option.

CFC

julie2710 wrote: »

I haven't ruled it out completely although having spoken to my bank last week, they have changed the rules on porting over the rate I currently have on my mortgage so I would only get £86k at the 0.34% above base and any additional, probably about £40k would have to go onto one of their other rates. so even with that bit on their best rate I would only save about £200 per month. I do seriously have to ask if it is worth all the upheaval for such a small benefit. I've managed for the last five years, another 14 maximum and I'll be mortgage as well as debt free so maybe it's worth the slog

Seems a pity to not have two pennies to rub together to spend on the kids and enjoy things with them and sit in a huge house with a big mortgage that's round your neck for another 14 years. It's all about people's individual choices though.

julie2710

Thanks LannieDuck and Polesalot if I'm honest I've put off ebaying since the fee changes. I used to do a lot of 99p listings and charge sensible postage. I really need to work out the sensible way to charge so I don't end up out of pocket and start getting organised again!

CFC, I'm really sorry, I don't know why your posts annoy me just a little bit. I do appreciate what you say but in all honesty I'm not sure your are reading the big picture. OK so things are tight right now but if you read my diary you would see that I do do things with my children and we do enjoy things. We've had two holidays this year, ok not abroad but we've always had a great time. We went to Legoland in the summer courtesy of a friend who works there. There are also loads of things you can do free. We've camped in the garden, cycled, walked gone to the beach, made stuff. My eldest is part of a theatre group and has performed in quite a lot of shows this summer and has more to come. We've been to the theatre and the ballet. We eat well and healthily. I would rather take cheaper holidays and find free entertainment and have friends and family and a support network close by and live in a house that we all love with a decent garden that the boys spend hours and hours in than move somewhere we don't have friends, the boys have to leave a school they love where DS1 gets a massive amount of support through the rubbish his dad throws at him and then find I have to spend that extra £200 on professional childcare just to go to work or have any kind of social life at all! End result not better off financially and all unhappy having left somewhere that we were happy in.

I know 14 years is a long time but I also don't think money is the be all and end all. I would rather spend those 14 years being happy but a little bit poor than having a few more pennies to rub together, if I'm lucky, and not being happy. Much as I would love to have less debt, and one day I will do, the only thing I ever wish for is that my boys grow up happy and healthy. That will always be my biggest consideration.

stoplurking

Julie you are doing a great job juggling everything on your plate. Your boys are not missing out on anything, and you have the intelligence to recognise if/when your current set up no longer works for you. For now, you are ok, your boys are ok, your finances are manageable. Well done.

LannieDuck

Loads of people are still paying off their mortgage with young kids. 14 years is how long it will take the mortgage to go... but how long will it take the rest of the debts to go?

That's the figure that will put you on an even footing with everyone else. I'll bet that's a lot less than 14 years...

[Deleted User]

I don't know why people keep harping on about your house...

Like yourself having a great house is the number 1 priority for kids. My thoughts are when you live in a dream house in a great area with brilliant schools and beautiful countryside on your doorstep why change?

Living in such an enviromnent spurs you on to keep bettering yourself to bring in more money. In my case to clear the large mortgage

Also moving house is very expensive. It's not just estate agents fees but typically you also loose the the great mortgage deal, energy supplier deals, stamp duty etc. Then getting the house the way you want it... Never ends...

If i lived in a lesser house like before and paying debts life would be very much worse in my opinion.

julie2710

The really funny thing is I don't live in some country mansion! I do, however, live in an expensive part of the country, West Sussex coast. I have a three bedroom detached bungalow, I'm lucky to have a corner plot so a bigger than average garden and it was extended when ex and I were together so a big kitchen and lounge/dining room. It's only two minutes walk from the beach too which probably adds to the price but also adds to our life!

The debts will be paid off sooner than the 14 years and then I may even throw a bit more at the mortgage to clear that sooner too. I should hopefully gain some modest pay rises along the way, no chance of a lottery win as I don't do it!

Life is too short sometimes to worry about things you can't control. Yes I'm aiming to get my debts paid off but at the end of the day, even if we have a few treats along the way and it takes an extra year or two what harm does that do? No one knows what the future holds and I want to enjoy the time I spend with my boys and live reasonably in an environment that we are comfortable with. I know we are a lot better off than a lot of people, despite all the debt but part of that means that we don't take anything for granted.

My boys and I have chatted sometimes about things like this. Some of their school friends come from incredibly wealthy families. One of them has regular Christmas parties and their hallway is bigger than our lounge and dining room together! It has a grand piano in it and a huge sweeping staircase with a galleried landing :eek: Compared to them we are poor but compared to families in Africa/Egypt/India etc we are incredibly rich! I think what's important in life isn't how much you have it's valuing it and hopefully that's something I can bring my boys up to appreciate too.