Time to stop pretending it will be ok!

julie2710

The house is my only concern LannieDuck. Once I know that's safe then he can do what he wants. I'm sort of thinking that it will be ok going on past court battles but I just want it clarifying then he can just get on with it and I'll continue to fight my corner.

I would imagine if he quits his job then he won't even get any benefit for some time as he will of made himself voluntarily unemployed so until his benefit entitlement starts again I will be back to getting nothing then the £5 per week. The arrears I imagine will be tagged onto the end of the CSA claim, that's what I was told when the original payment was delayed due to the payroll. So instead of him finishing paying when DS2 hits 18 or starts full time work, whichever is earliest, he will have to keep paying until he clears what he owes!

I've been reasonable, in fact a bit soft but I don't for a minute think his bankruptcy has been bought on by me! As you say I've subsidised his life and if he had really been that bothered by his financial situation then he would have asked his family for cash last year rather than taking a 7 week holiday (3 in Turkey and 4 in Scotland) whilst on benefits but apparently entirely funded by his family:eek:

Keeping_Motivated

I honestly cannot understand why he's so angry with you and wants to wind you up? That text was clearly hoping for a reaction so I'm glad you didn't give it him!

He must be jealous of you don't you think? You doing so well, working, keeping the house and being a good mum means you literally hi light everything he isn't and everything he can't do... That must be why he's angry because you show him up for being lazy, non productive, poor father.

Proves once again that success is always the best revenge.

LannieDuck

I think it would be worth checking re child support and bankruptcy. I know from reading the bankruptcy forums that you get left with enough income to live on, incl running a car to get to work if appropriate.

Not sure what his income streams will be, but presumably he'll get money for food from somewhere? I would have thought he'd get enough ringfenced for child support too, but he may not think to mention it.

julie2710

Well I'm feeling very ill today. Full of cold and shattered.

On the plus side it looks as though he will be unable to have any impact on our home. I may have to argue my case but I'm more than capable of doing that.

I'll speak to the CSA tomorrow re bankruptcy and and child support. I'm still not sure if he is bluffing to try and wind me up or whether he really is that pathetic that he would give up a perfectly good job and resign himself to a life on benefits, bearing in mind it took him 3 year to get the job! Either through lack of jobs or just couldn't be bothered!

Keepingmotivated, you are probably right. When he left I went for the easy settlement, sold myself short again, so he walked with a flat and a business. He has since lost both and was probably sure I would have to move from here. He hates the fact that the boys go to private school, hates the fact that DS1 does performing arts and wants to be a ballet dancer! In fact he's just pretty bitter about everything to be honest. Just goes to show that the grass isn't always greener as he was the one that had an affair and left 3 weeks before DS2 was born! As you said the best revenge isn't to get angry and bitter, it's to survive and ensure that your family flourish whilst holding your head high with a smile on your face

LannieDuck

Sorry you're ill It's hardly surprising with all the pressures you have to juggle.

Sounds promising re the house...

Suziebabe

Some day Julie, all the karmic good things in life will arrive to balance out all the rubbish you've had to deal with from your ex! He sounds like a classic passive-aggressive type - and you're well rid, as are your boys if he can't make the effort (sorry if that sounds harsh but the older I get, the more I think that the only thing you can control in life is your own reaction to things, and sometimes that has to be to protect yourself and those you care for.)
Even at a young age children pick up on when someone's got an agenda, and your boys sound very switched on, you can be very proud that they've figured it all out without you saying a word!

Verbatim

What a t**sser your ex is!
Of course your sensible, well balanced, intelligent sons are beginning to see more than he bargains for. They are well aware of how much you work and plan for them and how little he has done and does.

Tinytott

julie2710 wrote: »

Glad the car passed its MOT lhead123. Good luck with the exam, I know you've done it all beforehand I'm sure you will be fine but still nervous I bet! Well first thing they had a kit check and DS1 was told that the tracks unit bottoms for playtime should be green :mad: I have double checked the uniform list and it just says dark, the green ones are for actual sports lessons which he has. I will bring it up in the meeting next week!

Unfortunately I'm not going to have any extra time now the boys are back at school as I'm still working full time. I drop them off on the way to work and pick them up on the way home!

Yes bess1234, the shower will end up having the old cord tied back on probably with a bit of nail glue over the knot just to make sure it holds

I'm not overpaying my mortgage. It's a repayment mortgage with an interest rate of 0.34% above base rate so the interest is tiny and the balance is coming down quickly. It has 17 years well 16 and a bit left on it. I thought about extending the term but the repayments wouldn't reduce that much and I'd just end up paying a higher interest rate so best to bite the bullet!

The CTC overpayment was because, despite my including it on all the forms, they forgot to include my company car in their calculations resulting in an overpayment. Apparently that's my fault because I was supposed to have checked their calculations and let them know about any errors :mad: I'm still trying to argue with them over it but am slowly living the will to live

I'll be back once the boys are in bed with my list of to dos!

Hi, I've been reading your diary and am so impressed with your determination and achievements so far!!

Just a note on the Inland Revenue. This happened to me last year. I got a demand for over £6k. What had happened was that my company put me on basic rate when I arrived despite my salary being high enough to attract the 40% band and the Inland Revenue being advised of that, they never took the tax.

I was told by the tax people and personnel in my office that I'd have to pay it. However, at the time, I just didn't have the money and to be honest, didn't think I should have to pay given that it was IR error. They had been notified of my salary and benefits every year by my employer and had failed to adjust my tax code accordingly.

I found a site which guides you though the process of appeal. It was scary but I stuck with it. I was on the final letter stage just before the matter goes to adjudication that I finally got a letter from them saying they'd not be taking the tax back due to the exceptional circumstances.

http://www.ukbusinessforums.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=194326

I've included a link which will guide you through the standard letters to be sent. I stuck with it and had success and I know from reading the forums on there, loads of people have. There's an extra statutory concession you can claim where they're trying to claim back money from more than 12 months ago.

I hope this helps. I think it's at the very least worth a try. I would stop payments to them and send them the first of the letters and see where you go. Good luck!

Tiny

julie2710

Thanks Tinytott. I'll have a look into that. It has sort of taken a bit of a backseat at the minute, I suppose because its not costing me interest which I know is rubbish rationalising but I do need to get onto them again!

It's been one of those weeks to be honest. Just as the cold started easing off I wake up yesterday morning with really bad earache! I've had a perforated eardrum a few years ago and this felt similar so as soon as I could I got myself I to the doctors by which time my eardrum had perforated again I've got antibiotics as last time it was so bad I was hospitalised for a week. They make me feel really sick though! It feels a bit better today just need to make sure I recover properly!

It hasn't stopped me winning another battle! This time with EON! I had a note from them saying they were putting up my DD from £135 a month to £185 a month :eek: No chance!!! I had a similar battle earlier in the year when they wanted to put it up from £99 to £165. So I got on the phone and started to try and have a discussion with the lowest echelon who picked up the phone. He bluntly told me they could legally put there bill up to anything they wanted and I couldn't do anything about it! Well that just guaranteed he was on a hiding to nothing! So after 25 minutes of him running off to ask advice and come back with the same pointless comments I suggested that perhaps I should speak to someone who was qualified to say something different to the message he had been repeating in varying forms for the last 25 minutes. Bring on the Supervisor who told me he would explain why my DD was going to increase so much! It was at this point he made a fatal mistake which then gave him nowhere to go! He told me my usage over the last 12 months end Oct 12 to start Nov 13 had been £1,493! Almost as the words came out of his mouth he realised the error of his ways and tried to backtrack with the "between Nov and April though you used......" Too late though! I asked him to just clarify what my 12 month use was and then said "Great! So even at £135 per month for the next twelve months I will be overpaying you by more than £100! So how about we keep it there rather than reduce it?" He then tried again to discuss the Nov to March average but I interjected with "Look, seriously? You are trying to set my DD for the year by taking an average of the 5 highest use months in the year? I've worked in accounts and you can manipulate figures to do whatever you want. How about we take the average usage for May to Sept? We should be able to set it for about £50 a month then or maybe we could both just be realistic and keep at at its current level?" :rotfl: Strangely he agreed to keep it as it was! Julie 1 : EON 0 (own goal scored by supervisor I'd say ) :j

Took the boys to a free firework display tonight. Thick scarf for me! They will be back at school on Monday so I'll have to get all their bags together over the weekend.

Sales figures came through and I've hit the first of my targets for the last quarter. Still waiting on the figures for the other one. At least that will mean some bonus at the end of this month :j

FBaby

Strangely he agreed to keep it as it was! Julie 1 : EON 0 (own goal scored by supervisor I'd say )

Hope many on this forum come and read your blog because what a lesson to learn above. That's fantastic! Well done for challenging them.