Time to stop pretending it will be ok!

julie2710

Tommelise, you're right I should really update my SOA. I must make time to do that, although it won't be this weekend as DS1 is making another stage performance on Sunday and I need to get him to rehearsals around midday then I'm going to see him in the evening. That means we are going to need to crack the homework tomorrow! It is now on my list of things to do though

I hadn't worked out my debt free day. I just know it will be a way off yet so I didn't want to depress myself. Thanks for the estimated snowball, again that's something I should probably do too! I have set up a spreadsheet to measure the percentage of debt cleared in 5% increments both including and excluding the mortgage. So that does help a bit!

It's been a really busy week this week. I just seem to have been running round non stop! So I'm feeling a bit shattered tonight!

I've booked my time off work for Christmas, so I'm going to be finishing on the 17th which will be great. The boys finish school on the 13th so I'll get to spend plenty of time with them over the festive period!

Trying to eat out of the freezer and cupboards still. I really need to start being a bit more imaginative as I'm not sure how I'm going to get the boys to eat the fairly large number of mackerel we have . My neighbour used to go fishing down the beach at the end of the road and bring them round for us! So if anyone has any recipes they would be appreciated.

Still need to decide whether to sell all the Christmas lights. If I'm honest we haven't put them up for the last two years. When I say lights I mean every type of character imaginable. There's half a loft full of them, moving things, static things, rope lights, plus a sleigh and four reindeer in the garage along with a three foot high, 9 foot long train! I don't think I could afford the electricity bill if I put them all out So part of me is thinking, get them out, test them and sell them! Decisions, decisions!

Tommelise

Hi Julie

I do think you would get a different kind of response if you did put up a new SOA, but by all means do it if and when you fell it is the right time for you. (How do you manage to do so much in the limited time you have, when you are not working or with your boys)

I would sell the Christmas lights, but then I would never get around putting them up by myself, far to much work...:o

Regarding the recipe - I am not a fan of mackerel, but you might find some recipes that appeal to you here:

http://www.eatyourbooks.com/library/recipes?q=mackerel&online-recipes=true

Have a nice weekend with your boys and the performance

LannieDuck

Hi Julie Just popping by to ask whether your ex has ever got in touch to apologise / ask to take the boys?

julie2710

Hi LannieDuck I was just updating my signature with the latest round of payments. It's been a tough month, both financially and as far as the boys are concerned too. The ex hasn't been in touch since his threatening to go bankrupt, so he hasn't seen the boys either. The youngest is fine with it but as time has gone by the eldest has been struggling. I always knew it was likely to have an impact on him rather than DS2 as DS2 doesn't even like his dad and has never really had him in his life. DS1 has gone through a whole load of emotions from blaming himself. He said if he hadn't done his theatre and dancing then none of this would have happened. He said he knows his dad doesn't like him doing it. He's also gone through the blaming me and the latest is that he is scared his dad is dead It's just awful to see the effect it's had on him. His school are being really supportive which is great. I think what has made it even worse is that he didn't even get a birthday card or present from his dad or any of his dads family. How someone can behave in such a way is really beyond me. I'm almost inclined to say that if he comes back now he can just get lost. I've never wanted to refuse access but this isn't the first time he has done this and as DS1 is getting older the impact it has on him psychologically is getting greater. I just don't think I can ever see him go through all this ever again.

My health hasn't been great either. I've had a perforated eardrum and ear infection, an upset stomach and now I've lost my voice and I've got really bad vertigo, probably following on from the ear infection! I'm feeling really shattered with the whole situation at the moment. I just want to feel well again and start to enjoy things again.

Money wise this month is going to be a complete nightmare. I've managed to get some stocking fillers but haven't done any Christmas shopping and work have basically managed to rob me of my bonus by moving goalposts midway through the year! I'm fuming about the whole thing and really sad at the same time as I just don't know how I'm going to get through Christmas. I literally have £40 left at the moment to last to the end of the month. The only saviour will be if my ex didn't go through with his stupid threat of giving up work and I get some CSA money. I'm going to sell the last of my jewellery so that I can at least get something for the boys to open on Christmas Day without adding anything to the debt that is slowly working its way down.

Still trying to stay positive and look at the good things that are happening. DS1 performed at the Brighton Dome the other week. He absolutely loved it. Yesterday he was in Nebucco and he is doing another opera tonight, Aida! I'm so proud of him. DS2 has a lead role in the nativity play and I'm so looking forward to seeing him in that. On the finance side December will see my total debt go below £215k! I'm going to sit down and set myself a target for next year I think. I need to try and work out how to make some better inroads to the debt. I'm considering looking for a change in job too, especially after what has just happened with my bonus. Bit of a New Year spring clean on life I think

LannieDuck

What a month

I'm so sorry DS1 is being badly affected by your ex. How difficult when he blames himself. I don't understand how a Dad can do that. Is DS1 old enough to give his Dad a phone call himself? I realise that in the long run a clean break might be better, but at the same time if DS1 really thinks his Dad's dead, it might help? It's hard to know what to advise.

Any opportunities for a bit of overtime to pay for some Christmas presents? Would your parents be willing to host Christmas so you don't have the cost of xmas dinner etc? (Although I seem to recall your relationship with them may not be the healthiest....)

thedogsmum

Just want to send you a hug, Julie. I can't offer any practical advice but I think you are a hero. I hope your health is restored quickly as this is the most important thing for you, and your boys. Please remember to take care of yourself in all of this mayhem.

princesst84

thedogsmum wrote: »

Just want to send you a hug, Julie. I can't offer any practical advice but I think you are a hero. I hope your health is restored quickly as this is the most important thing for you, and your boys. Please remember to take care of yourself in all of this mayhem.

Perfectly put.

Sorry your having such a rough time of it. Have you got anytime off in December with the boys? Can you have a few chill days to charge your batteries again

xx

julie2710

Thank you all for your kind messages. I really do need some relaxing time to get myself back together. This week has been absolutely chaotic which means I haven't really recovered from my cold and the vertigo isn't really cured yet either.

DS1 seems to be settling a little now. He has had a busy week too. Performing in an opera on Monday and then again on Tuesday. He had to leave school early both days and they were both late nights, 11pm by the time I got him home. On Tuesday he got to play his role plus cover for someone else, so two roles in the one show, two costumes and he loved it. Bless him, I've always said that I'm happy supporting him, as is his school but his school work mustn't slip, so on Tuesday morning he got up and insisted on doing his maths homework before breakfast as it had to be handed in on Wednesday morning? :A. He went to a friend's house for tea on Wednesday and sang with his choir last night at a Christmas light switch on, so he hasn't really had much time to sit and worry. He did ask to sleep in my bed on Monday and Tuesday and I relented as it was late and he went straight to sleep but I insisted its not a permanent thing and he was happily back in his own bed on Wednesday and last night. I sort of thought I'd give in as maybe it would help how he's feeling.

I still haven't heard from his dad. I did check with his workplace and he hasn't given his job up so I'm hoping the CSA money will come through ok. Looks like he was just throwing empty threats around, no need for him to take it out on the boys though!

I definitely need to look at getting some extra work in to try and cover Christmas. I did speak to my manager about my bonus situation, backing up my argument with figures and he said he would look at it. I'm not relying on him getting anywhere but who knows?

I've also just hit my 5000 point on YouGov! I doubt I'll get the money before Christmas but you never know, they were quite good last time. The £20 voucher hasn't arrived from Ipsos yet either! I've just received £9 in Tesco's vouchers and they have a Lego sale on so might be good for Christmas presses too! I'm not sure I need more hours in the day but maybe a couple of extra days in the week would be useful!

Better get on with some work now and justify my argument for why I should get my bonus!

Verbatim

Fingers crossed for your bonus.

Suziebabe

Hi Julie - sorry to hear you're going through a tough time, as others said, look after yourself and everything else will come right.

And grrrrrr to your work fixing the bonuses ... Makes me :mad::mad::mad: when they want you to put in the work, then change the promised reward.

Take care.