Time to stop pretending it will be ok!

asparagus1968

hey Julie, give yourself a break! you are doing the best you can, you can't do more. Look at the hours you put in, with two boys, no support,and paying out at the rate you are. you are doing a great job.let yourself be pee'd off and upset sometimes, you can't be perfect all the time.
I understand the going out thing, in same situation with a couple of friends of mine.god I'd love a night out! 18 months ago I bought a pair of shoes for "nights out" I haven't worn them yet!!
wellies , trainers and furry boots cover my life of dog walking, work and school run....


does the friend have kids? could your boys sleep over at her house whilst you go out?

my mum actually said the other day "I couldn't have worked when you were little without all the people who helped with babysitting, I don't know how you do it" !!!!!!- I have to do it cos no-one offers to help me!!

chin up poppet, its Friday! and look at the sig

bess1234_2

Look after yourself. But also maybe an idea for an annual soa. It's an mot for Julie ! Nothing ruled in, nothing ruled out. Look at all your options . You only have one life and two children .nothing else really matters. It was when the surprise 0% offer arrived! made me think you assume your starting point is how it is. Things have changed.

Ask your friend round and get drunk !

Have a lovely Christmas x

julie2710

I've been feeling a little bit better today. The work bonus thing just basically completely messed up my December! I spoke to HR about it on Friday as despite speaking to my manager he's done nothing!

Would have helped if the Ipsos vouchers arrived and the £50 from mygov! Still they have a week to get here. It's going to be last minute Christmas shopping this year. Luckily my boys are great. DS1 has now decided he'd like some new ballet shorts and a dream catcher and DS2 is still insisting he doesn't mind what he gets!

I've been feeling really annoyed about the situation with my ex. I still can't believe he hasn't been in touch to see his sons and that DS1 didn't get even a birthday card from him. I think that's all been making me feel worse too. I'm really not prepared to let him do this again. DS1s singing teacher told me that she had been chatting to him and he said to her that he thinks his dad might be dead as he hadn't been in touch with us. I really feel as though he should know the impact he has had on his son though, through his childish, vindictive attempt at trying to hurt me. I typed out a message to him the other night basically saying all the things that DS1 had said. The blaming himself, asking his teacher if his dad was bullying him by excluding him and the maybe he's dead thing. It also said that everyone was supporting his son, friends family and teachers as they all realised what an amazing boy he was and it was just a pity he didn't and that he was prepared to throw away the most incredible and precious thing he was ever likely to have. I haven't sent it to him but I think it made me feel a bit better just writing it out.

I'm going to sit and do a new SOA over the Christmas break. The debt is coming down gradually, still wish I could bring it down as quickly as the mortgage. I'm also setting a target for saving a little bit of money too by September. I know I should focus on throwing everything at the debt but we do have to have the occasional treat, so I'm aiming to have a minimum of £105 saved so that I can buy tickets to take the boys to see England in one of the rugby World Cup games. The tickets go on sale next September and the cheapest ones will be £75 for me and £15 each for the boys! That will also double as their birthday present for 2015 though as the match will be around the time of their birthdays! I'll be adding in the monthly saving amount required to the SOA for that!

I'm also going to put together a list of all the things we've done as a family over the past 5 years since its been just the three of us and put together a book with pictures too. Again I think that will help me focus a bit more on what I've achieved rather than what I've messed up

princesst84

julie2710 wrote: »

I'm also going to put together a list of all the things we've done as a family over the past 5 years since its been just the three of us and put together a book with pictures too. Again I think that will help me focus a bit more on what I've achieved rather than what I've messed up

Make sure you do this!! I was having a down day and decided to write a list of all the nice/fun/happy things I had done this year and totally shocked myself, it amazed me that I had done all of those things. It made me feel happy.


Agree with the saving for the tickets too. Life is too short to not factor in fun, your boys wont be boys forever, I know you need to balance it with paying the debt but you really are doing so so well.


Is this your last week at work before Xmas?


xx

stoplurking

Hi Julie hope you're ok and have been busy writing that list. Wishing you and your boys a Merry Christmas and fingers crossed for a happy and peaceful 2014 with your boys. X

Verbatim

Hope things are good with you and the boys Julie. Merry Christmas.

asparagus1968

Hope you had a lovely few days with your boys Julie.
Best wishes to you all.

julie2710

Thank you for the lovely Christmas wishes. It has been a good few days off to be honest. Everyone came to me for Christmas, parents, brother and his girlfriend. I did get a £50 M&S voucher from work, we usually get one each year, so I used some of that for some of the Christmas food. I also made a point of asking my parents for a contribution towards the food too. I've never done it before but I provided lunch and dinner and drinks on Christmas Day for everyone so they didn't seem too put out and gave me £25 towards it!

I haven't spent any money since the 23rd December! All the turkey has been eaten, there were no vegetables thrown away, a few spare roast potatoes were reheated on Boxing Day with cold turkey and mash! All 36 pigs in blankets were eaten, mainly by DS1 who had 15 of them :eek: I made 24 mince pies on Christmas Eve and the last one went today! I'm aiming to not spend any money before next Friday when I will definitely need milk!

I had a lovely evening out with friends on the 21st! We all went to a nightclub in Santa outfits! One of my friends sons was staying in so I took my boys to her house and he looked after them there. They went in their onesies with sleeping bags. I had volunteered to drive so I was picking the boys up and bringing them home at the end of the evening. There was 6 of us went in total. Everyone gave me £2.50 each for fuel and they all paid for the car park. We were on the guest list at the club so got in for free and I drank water all night which is free too! Got home at 3:30am after dropping everyone off, boys went straight back to sleep and had enjoyed their night and it didn't cost a penny

I've paid my credit card bills for the month. Need to update figures on here. Been looking at rough figures as been here for exactly a year now. I think I've cleared about 9% of my credit card debt this year and over 6.5% if I include my mortgage! :j. I do feel though that I lost focus a bit towards the end of the year. So I'm going to sit down and set myself some goals. I have a ton of stuff already sorted for ebaying and I know there are some free listing days so I'll be doing that, just need to work out whether to start at a higher price and offer free posting or start at 99p with realistic posting and fees on posting included in the p&p? I'm going to consider ways to skim off a few extra £s here and there too that I hopefully won't miss or I can at least manage to survive without! Look to do some extra work too and basically make 2014 a better year than last year!

Both the boys received terramundi jars from my cousin. (He and his other half own a gift shop and they sell them in there, so they will have got them at cost.) They both sat down and wrote out their desire card and put their first £1 in each from their piggy banks. DS1 wrote down an overnight stay at Alton Towers and a holiday abroad and DS2 wrote a night at the Legoland hotel and a holiday in Tenerife! Thank goodness it will take them ages to fill them as I explained they have to be completely full before they can smash them!

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas too, be you a lurker or someone who has come out of the shadows to offer support and advice. Thank you all, I doubt I'd have got this far without you.

fyggy

Hello Julie from a lurker! I've been reading your diary for a few months now and do love when I get an email notification that you've posted

I think you can reflect positively on the progress you've made in both life and debt busting over 2013 and look ahead to 2014 with goals and plans for more achievements.

Verbatim

You're sounding wonderfully positive as ever Julie. I'm glad Xmas went well and that you had a contribution from your parents.
What is YTD in your sig?