16 Year Old Girl with an abusive mother .UPDATE

concerned43

I think she did the right thing, I also do not see the child protection issue here! Unless the children are severely neglected or abused then I don't see how getting the eldest to look after siblings,doing chores etc amounts to abuse-most parents I know do this -as for her temper, perhaps mum has trouble coping with all the kids on her own and maybe a highly strung teenager who would rather be out with her bf than be with her family adds to the mix!
It sounds to me that the whole family need support and if things are really bad at home the kids will be playing up at school and therefore will be brought to the attention of teachers.
My ds has a friend and he cannot wait to leave home when he's 16, when he is round at ours he spends the whole time moaning about his parents treating him like a slave and at first I was appalled and thought about social services, then I met the parents and through chatting with them discovered that yes, he is asked to look afte siblings, do chores etc but it is to teach him responsibility and independence -he was just fed up with it and wanted his mother at his beck and call! He was jealous of his younger siblings getting attention etc - so it is easy to jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts-thank god it did not call ss on them as it would have devastated the parents.

Person_one

concerned43 wrote: »

It sounds to me that the whole family need support and if things are really bad at home the kids will be playing up at school and therefore will be brought to the attention of teachers.

Sorry, but that sounds like "I bet someone else will deal with it eventually so I don't have to."

Read the OP's first post again, from her reaction it sounds more serious to me than having to do a few chores.

pipkin71

DanE2010 wrote: »

But what about the younger children in the household?

Person_one wrote: »

My first thought too.

Who's going to 'empower' them?

OP, report.

The safety of the younger children, if there are issues regarding their safety, absolutely needs to be addressed.

It's not an enviable position the OP is in.

elantan

I think the op has done the right thing... We do not know what is happening with the younger kids ... But the older girl needs to make her own decision

Lilith1980

I am concerned that the onus is being left on a 16 year old child to decide what is best for the young children.

OP - you can always call your local Contact and Referral Team (CART), anonymously, to ask what they would suggest. You never know, the family may already be known to social services, but I think if you leave it and something serious happens then where will that leave you?

You say this girl has told you things you dare not disclose on here - that sounds ominous and really if these things are so bad that you dare not tell people on here, it sounds like you should be talking to the CART team.

Perhaps you could talk to your son's GF again and get across how serious the things she is saying appear to be, and that you are considering talking to social services.

For the people thinking 'She's 16 she might be exaggerating' - this is exactly the attitude which enables people like Jimmy Savile to get away with the things he did and allows abuse and neglect to continue.

Neglect comes in many forms, it doesn't need to be physical, sexual or emotional abuse, it can be failure to provide children with the love and care they need. At the moment it sounds like this girl is doing all the looking after.

Good luck OP.

Mojisola

concerned43 wrote: »

It sounds to me that the whole family need support and if things are really bad at home the kids will be playing up at school and therefore will be brought to the attention of teachers.

Not necessarily. It's a normal reaction for children to become withdrawn and quiet.

How is the family going to get support if people who know there are problems don't report them?

A 16 year old who has shared this information with an adult should not be left to make decisions for herself and her younger siblings.

I don't envy the position mandi is in but, once you know information like this, as a responsible adult, you have to act on it.

splishsplash

mandi wrote: »

I need some advice please .

My sons GF came here crying tonight , It's not the first time .

Long story short she is terrified of her mothers temper, has to look after her siblings while her mum goes out drinking, and does all the cooking /cleaning while her mum posts on Facebook .

None of this so far needs reporting, imho. The language is all highly dramatic but par for the course for a 16 year old, I would think.

I understand there's always two sides to any story, but she's cried in my arms tonight and told me many things which I dare not disclose.
This. If the disclosures include abuse, which I assume they do or why bother posting, then your duty as an adult is clear - you must report. You would have no choice here in Ireland. It is the law now that you must report allegations of child abuse. It is most unfair to expect a 16 year old to do more than she already has - i.e. confided in an adult. The ball is now in your court, and you really should act.

I desperately want to help , can anyone point me in the right direction please .
You have been pointed in the right direction - but you have 'refused' to report?? Please rethink that refusal.
Thank you .

You need to decide whether the 16 year old is just being a drama queen or if there are grounds for concern. If there are allegations of abuse, YOU must report. That is your duty as a responsible adult.

Errata

Good luck to you Mandi, seems the telecon with NSPCC has confirmed they feel the situation is serious.
In your shoes, I'd be asking the girl why she told me what she did? What response was she looking for - action? sympathy? disbelief? Once a motive is discovered then a response follows.

pearl123

OP - if you truly believe this 16 years old story then you really should report it.
A 16 year old is highly unlikely to do so!

bylromarha

FWIW - I reported a disclosure regarding a 16 year old to Social Services and they told me that, at age 16, it was up to her to make an accusation to the police about what she'd told me. They couldn't do anything.

In this case, OP you must review what the 16 year old has told you in light of the younger siblings and review your decision to report the mother if you feel the 16 year old has disclosed things which put the littlier ones in harms way.

It's horrid, but you must do it if you feel the younger kids are at risk. No one else will.

It's better to live with being the bad guy reporting something than to know that some childrens lives are continuing to be screwed up due to your lack of inaction.