16 Year Old Girl with an abusive mother .UPDATE

ButlerT

Love is the answer to most of human problems. Obviously there are issues going on. She should stop being terrified and start appreciate the situation from a different point of view! If she loves in general she can find the solution. Either is named social services or whatever, there is nothing you can't do. You just don't want to do it!

dktreesea

mandi wrote: »

dktreesea She's too scared . Do you understand ?

Yes, I understand she's scared, but she wouldn't be talking to you unless she was open to doing something about it. After all, she has probably been in her current situation or a variation of the same for some years. Only now has she plucked up the courage to tell someone.

At the same time, she needs to step back and decide, can she go on coping with her present circumstances (after all, she has coped up until now. Only just maybe, but still she has actually coped), or is she prepared to leave.

If she's too scared to do something about her situation, at least on her own account, as in "better the devil you know that the unknown", then only she can make that decision.

How about saying to her if she is ready to do something about it and wants your help to leave then you can help her contact social services. But that's not what it sounds like at the moment from the thread. "I'm in a cr*p situation but I don't want you to tell anyone" means, to me, "I realise my situation is cr*p, but I am not prepared to do anything about it."

stamina9008

Good news is, she's almost old enough to move out and live independently with your son.
Not ideal, but, if her home life becomes unbearable, she'll be better off i think.
Good luck.

lushlifesaver

dktreesea wrote: »

Yes, I understand she's scared, but she wouldn't be talking to you unless she was open to doing something about it. After all, she has probably been in her current situation or a variation of the same for some years. Only now has she plucked up the courage to tell someone.

At the same time, she needs to step back and decide, can she go on coping with her present circumstances (after all, she has coped up until now. Only just maybe, but still she has actually coped), or is she prepared to leave.

If she's too scared to do something about her situation, at least on her own account, as in "better the devil you know that the unknown", then only she can make that decision.

How about saying to her if she is ready to do something about it and wants your help to leave then you can help her contact social services. But that's not what it sounds like at the moment from the thread. "I'm in a cr*p situation but I don't want you to tell anyone" means, to me, "I realise my situation is cr*p, but I am not prepared to do anything about it."

At sixteen she is still considered a child, no matter how close she is to her next birthday etc, so the safeguarding rules and procedures should be followed as a matter of course. This would mean explaining to her that what she has disclosed has worried you and that you are unable to keep it a secret/to yourself due to fears for her and any siblings if applicable.

OP I would suggest talking to her again and mentioning these facts then explain that you need to do something as part of a duty of care for her and her siblings. Explain that you can help her contact the right support services herself or you can make a call to them as a concerned party.

Please whatever happens don't heed those people that say she is old enough to sort herself out or that she obviously coped until now so can cope a little longer! That is a cycle which leads in to so many problems. Even fully grown, mature adults need help in situations such as this!

Mojisola

stamina9008 wrote: »

Good news is, she's almost old enough to move out and live independently with your son.
Not ideal, but, if her home life becomes unbearable, she'll be better off i think.

That won't help the younger children left at home.

Mojisola

gravitytolls wrote: »

Fast forward three years, she ran away from home whilst her mother was visiting rellies, to move in with her then BF. The next oldest girl is now lumbered with childcare and cleaning, aged 15. She regularly doesn't get to bed until gone midnight.

There are seven children in the house, the next eldest, 13 yr old lad, constantly sworn at and told he's a useless little ######
and f###### ###t. The woman has now thrown her husband out, he's my nephew, he's so worried about the children he still goes round every morning to get the little ones up for school and in the evening to cook tea as he's worried about them hurting themselves. The children probably think he's just at work ~ he's a shift worker.

SS have ben involved for some time following calls from schools, the children have changed schools about 6 times in the last 6 years. The mother is lazy, constantly takes the youngest to out of hours dr's with 'infections', comes back with antibiotics and calpol. I've never seen her and she's not been syringing medicine into the children. When we had some of them to stay, the 9 yr old asked if her medicine had been left. I asked if she was in oain, she wasn't, so I said she didn't need it then. She was so used to being dosed, it never even occurred to her that she shouldn't have it. I did wonder if she had a form of munchausens?

Why hasn't he applied to the courts to have the children live with him?

Errata

Mandi I think you need to be very clear in your own mind what is possible and what isn't, what all the options are. You can talk through the situation with NSPCC in confidence and decide yourself what action you could take and learn what action others could take.

coinxoperated

There may be another side up all of this that you must talk with your son about. If they were going to break up or the relationship wasn't going well, she may be 'confiding' in you as a way to ensure she stays close and e doesn't go anywhere.

Anyone who reports being neglected or abused should get help, I would definitely advise talking with social services / childline. In the mean time, learn a bit more about her from your son.

She's 16, still a child, therefore may exaggerate. (Not saying this isn't serious, but kids can be pretty spiteful sometimes without understanding the implications)

elantan

suki1964 wrote: »

When an abused child turns to an adult and admits life is !!!!!, they have reached their end. They want help and they want the adult to take charge

The child has usually been threatened by what will happen if SS get involved " family broken up and it will be all your fault "

For a child to go past that, you as the adult have to get the help that child is screaming out for

Don't let this child down

I know you mean well but I disagree ... The same thing happened to me .. Reading the opening op took me back to when I was 16 and my life

I had to decide what to do... I did speak to others but not to get them to fix it .. It was more because talking to others helped me make up my mind... I moved out at 16 and have never looked back ... I didn't want ss involved ... I needed to take control of the situation myself ... For far too long others had been in control of me and I was helpless ... So I took control ... It helped me become who I am today by doing so

Op have you asked her what she wants to do?

elantan

I have to admit I agree with dkteressa ... This girl needs to decide what she wants, this abuse ( if anything like mine) has went in for years ... She has to decide in order to become a stronger person...