16 Year Old Girl with an abusive mother .UPDATE

mandi

poet123 wrote: »

First rule of safeguarding: the person must understand non disclosure is not an option if the issues are serious enough. You, as the adult have to make that call. It is an unenviable position, but you have to step up to the plate and act.

Your right as always Poet . I just can't let her go on like this anymore .

Thanks all for the replies .

I will Call Social Services tommorrow .

concerned43

I would ask the girl want she wants to do/what she thinks should happen? does she have other family she can ask to support her? maybe she and her siblings can get other family members to intervene. I was in the same situation years ago with a family member neglecting their child and I phoned social services who phoned the family member and asked how she was, she knew it was me who had contacted them and all hell broke loose within the family - it tore our family apart and we are still not speaking. Social services did nothing, so at the end of the day it did not help the child and it also meant that I could not keep an eye on things as I was no longer welcomed to their home - so I think the whole thing could back fire on you and therefore would tread carefully. Best that you empower the girl to take the lead on this.

gravitytolls

DS had a Gf in a similar situation. She talked to him, he talked to me, I told him she needed to speak to a teacher that she liked and trusted. He said she would speak to me, I told them I was happy to listen but couldn't promise not to act upon anything I was told.

She opted to speak to a teacher in confidence. The teacher went to the head who went to SS. SS visited the family, the children changed schools.

Fast forward three years, she ran away from home whilst her mother was visiting rellies, to move in with her then BF. The next oldest girl is now lumbered with childcare and cleaning, aged 15. She regularly doesn't get to bed until gone midnight.

There are seven children in the house, the next eldest, 13 yr old lad, constantly sworn at and told he's a useless little ######
and f###### ###t. The woman has now thrown her husband out, he's my nephew, he's so worried about the children he still goes round every morning to get the little ones up for school and in the evening to cook tea as he's worried about them hurting themselves. The children probably think he's just at work ~ he's a shift worker.

SS have ben involved for some time following calls from schools, the children have changed schools about 6 times in the last 6 years. The mother is lazy, constantly takes the youngest to out of hours dr's with 'infections', comes back with antibiotics and calpol. I've never seen her and she's not been syringing medicine into the children. When we had some of them to stay, the 9 yr old asked if her medicine had been left. I asked if she was in oain, she wasn't, so I said she didn't need it then. She was so used to being dosed, it never even occurred to her that she shouldn't have it. I did wonder if she had a form of munchausens?

Anyhoo, all you can do Mandi is contact whoever you feel is best to. If you're uncomfortable about picking up the phone, maybe you should visit the school and speak to them, then the ball's in their court.

Or, if they're are young ones in the family, speak to the health visitor in confidence.

poet123

mandi wrote: »

Your right as always Poet . I just can't let her go on like this anymore .

Thanks all for the replies .

I will Call Social Services tommorrow .

Good luck, it is really not an easy road to go down, and you will have to be prepared to be seen as the bad guy, but, long term, if what she has disclosed is so worrying you really have no option.

suki1964

When an abused child turns to an adult and admits life is !!!!!, they have reached their end. They want help and they want the adult to take charge

The child has usually been threatened by what will happen if SS get involved " family broken up and it will be all your fault "

For a child to go past that, you as the adult have to get the help that child is screaming out for

Don't let this child down

mandi

suki1964 wrote: »

When an abused child turns to an adult and admits life is !!!!!, they have reached their end. They want help and they want the adult to take charge

The child has usually been threatened by what will happen if SS get involved " family broken up and it will be all your fault "

For a child to go past that, you as the adult have to get the help that child is screaming out for

Don't let this child down

Thank you suki I wont let her down , which is why I asked for some much needed help .

I don't ever want her mother to hurt her again .

dktreesea

If the girl is 16, she is old enough to contact social services herself, say her mother is throwing her out and she is about to become homeless, and they will arrange a room in a hostel for her so that she can move out.

"Children" in that kind of situation are probably 16 going on 60. She's talking to you to get her head straight, but surely at that age it's up to her as well to get her situation sorted?

Are you sure she isn't just letting off steam but doesn't actually want to do anything about the situation?

Blackpool_Saver

Yes I do, but I cannot discuss it on here

Blackpool_Saver

dktreesea wrote: »

If the girl is 16, she is old enough to contact social services herself, say her mother is throwing her out and she is about to become homeless, and they will arrange a room in a hostel for her so that she can move out.

"Children" in that kind of situation are probably 16 going on 60. She's talking to you to get her head straight, but surely at that age it's up to her as well to get her situation sorted?

Are you sure she isn't just letting off steam but doesn't actually want to do anything about the situation?

Like other abused people who could just leave do you mean?

No, she is a child crying out for help, BUT how to help...........THAT is the issue

mandi

dktreesea wrote: »

If the girl is 16, she is old enough to contact social services herself,

Are you sure she isn't just letting off steam but doesn't actually want to do anything about the situation?

dktreesea She's too scared . Do you understand ?