am i wrong to feel so hurt?

saddo1

torry- tk max and amazon- tablet is basic but 4* from 90+ reviews. i was well chuffed- would be happy to own it- but didnt go over budget.

yes i thought about the giving/receiving issue but its the other emotional stuff too that has an impact, not just pounds and pence. i put time and effort in. the pen she got me wasnt what i'd wanted- again, sound ungrateful but she knew what i was after and was apologetic- i wasnt rude, just couldnt pretend it was what she had intended to buy and hadnt, if that makes sense.

she says shes not with ex but i agree it looks suss. the ex's feelings do seem to matter a lot- thats a whole other story

what a mug eh? she is lovely however and we have fun but i want commitment at the end of the day and i guess im barking up the wrong tree. best to stop barking i think

saddo1

january20 thanks, not offended, its good to hear someone elses perspective. i feel like a petulent teenager at the moment- not nice. was bad enough 30 years ago.

i have friends- i do not want her to give up hers or me mine- im not daft. just like to have my worlds mixed, friends and family, etc. feels right for my mates to meet her- they love me and want me to be happy, and they are an every day part of my life

shes earns a lot more than me. we agreed she would pay for the next holiday as she was short of cash. i thought that seemed reasonable as i really wanted a break

saddo1

no im not accusing her of financial unfairness, i think it seems to symbolise for me that she gives me less thought all round. or as i worry, am i being grasping and greedy? horrible thought but possible. god my brain hurts. i do overthink stuff generally- for the record. not a great catch. maybe thats why im hanging on...

coolcats

Gut feeling, get rid.

I was with someone similar, took 8 months to realise that I was a convience, somewhere to take his kids when he had them, but as soon as it came to days off, holidays, my birthday, I couldn't get the committement from him.

Not about the money spent for me, but the thought of the presents. the ones you got sound great, her's something she'd buy for any mate. Was the same for me, his presents were nice, but no thought of what I like. Just what he's buy for any female.

I'm well rid and you will be too by getting rid of her, there are plenty of nice single people out there willing to commit to the right person.

mum2one

I'm early 40s and i really think that she is with her ex, and your the person thats funding her lifestyle, sorry to be so blunt, but I can understand where ur coming from in terms of being alone at xmas previously, but I would stop the "Bank of boyfriend" and see what really happens.

I hope its just a glitch and things work out, but u take care x

Mojisola

saddo1 wrote: »

Shes said shes committed to us, wants to be with me long term, said she loves me etc. But she rarely does anything to show it.

This says it all, really.

Find someone nicer before she knocks your confidence any more.

lika_86

I think you are expecting a lot from a five month relationship really. To me your comments would seem more reasonable from someone who has been in a relationship for much longer. Personally, most people I know (mid-twenties) are relatively cautious and slow to integrate a new partner into their lives too much until they've been together longer than a good few months, particularly when it comes to big events (ie. Christmas, new years etc) when routines have often been established, mainly because if it doesn't work out then it's maybe less embarassing than if all your friends and family have met someone and then you have to explain and answer questions about why it went wrong.

I'm not sure what your point is about the holiday. You're arranged two holidays in five months (that's a lot fairly early on) and you don't seem to be suggesting she is refusing to play her part in the relationship.

As for the presents, she got you presents which show thought (if she hasn't thought about it she could have got you vouchers or something which shows minimal effort). Ok, you might not have liked what you got but if you wanted something very specific why not have dispensed with giving each other gifts and just bought what you wanted?

I think if you have issues with how she's behaving, you need to speak to her about it but I don't think she's being unreasonable in her behaviour. I think you need to adjust your expectations of a relatively new relationship.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh but I think you sound quite needy. You say you have lovely family and friends, maybe don't focus all your energy on this one relationship, cultivate the others in your life along with it.

saddo1

i think i know what i need to do.. really appreciate the feedback/thoughts.

need to get a grip and follow my gut. just dont want to end something if its about my insecurities. i can see though that ive been too intense and needy and whatever the circumstances, those are rarely good attributes. but she isnt giving me what i need regardless, so will end it soon...would like some money back though, if thats not too mercenary

Barny1979

saddo1 wrote: »

so will end it soon...would like some money back though, if thats not too mercenary

Walk away with your dignity, don't carry it on just to get a free holiday out of her, that's scummy.

saddo1

hell no i wouldnt do that. just feel a bit had