am i wrong to feel so hurt?

saddo1

shes near my age but younger. we are early 40s. as ive been writing i can see how silly it looks. god what a mess.
i seem to choose badly every time. need lessons i think.

thanks again folks.

yvonne13_2

Barny1979 wrote: »

If she's acting like this in her 40s, which I presume she is as you are, then she is taking you for a ride. I did this last year, spent a lot on a girl I'd been seeing for 6 weeks, my choice, as I wanted to. But got sod all, not even a card.

You shouldn't give to receive.

AnnaLicious_2

I suspect she's still in a relationship with her ex. That's my gut from what you said. She's not treating you well at all. I suspect of you stopped splashing out cash on her, she'd disappear. I hope your new year resolution is to find someone that respects you more. We have *all* been there, don't get down on yourself.

Mrs.W_2

Five months into a relationship to some is enough time to be putting the OH ahead of plans that might already be made for C'mas. And to some it may not.

You do seem a little intense. That can build to off-putting proportions. Especially if one half is looking for reassurance in the relationship.

Have you tried asking direct questions? Talking. When she responds, listen. The listening is rather helpful when needing to clearly assess a situation.

Barny1979

yvonne13 wrote: »

You shouldn't give to receive.

I didn't, but some thought and consideration would have been nice.

yvonne13_2

Barny1979 wrote: »

I didn't, but some thought and consideration would have been nice.

Point but everyone is different hun.

dktreesea

So she spends Xmas with friends, but you are not invited? What are you? Her money tree or her friend? Sorry to say, but I suspect the former.

If she really thought you were a keeper and was in it with you for the long haul, I think you would have met all her friends by now.

Having said all that, your relationship is only in the early stages. Would I give up friends I had had for 10 or 20 years for a relationship that I had only been in less than 6 months? Possibly not.

January20

saddo1 wrote: »

Name changed due to embaressment.

My gf of 5 months spent last night and today elsewhere. she popped in earlier with presents. Weve been away twice- arranged and paid for by me. She agreed she will pay for the next holiday.

I wanted to spend the day with her but she always spends it with friends she said today. I was fed up and told her so, in november. Shes said shes committed to us, wants to be with me long term, said she loves me etc. But she rarely does anything to show it. I feel like an ungrateful child but crucially i feel unloved, despite her words.

I asked how much we should sprend on one another for xmas- we agreed £100. I got 2 champagne glasses and a parekr pen from her. Nice. I bought her a 7" tablet, bits and piceces and clothes. I feel like ive again made lots of effort, put lots of thought in and shes been to wh smiths.

yes yes i feel like a complete ungrateful !!!!!! but am I? Im in my 40s, solvent, have lovely friends and family but feel so alone at the moment. shes met many of my loved ones and ive met 1 of her mates, sort of by accident. she says they are odd, and her ex is part of the group, hence me not meeting them.

please give feedback but dont be mean, im delicate, whatever you think of my tale

thanks

I'm not being mean, so don't take this the wrong way ok?

When I first read your post, I thought you were a couple of teenagers! You being very into the relationship and her, being a normal teenager, and wanting to be with her friends!!

I agree with those who say that you seem more into the relationship than her, but you've only been together 5 months so very early for real commitment (says Mrs Very Cautious here!) but at the same time you should be at the stage of wanting to spend lots of time together. You come across as quite intense. That could put her off/ scare her away.

It could be she is scared of changing her habits because the relationship is so new. Not knowing anything about her, it's difficult to really give an opinion!

However, you can't blame her for sticking to the budget you had set. Why did you feel the need to spend so much on her? It won't buy you her love. Same with the holidays. Actually, in her position, I might be quite put off. Has she got the means to buy you similar presents, to pay for holidays like you do?

I think you should perhaps take a step back and see what happens.

Christmas is also a funny time, where all emotions are heightened, where we are brainwashed into having the "perfect Christmas" with the perfect family and friends and the perfect relationships. Sadly, the reality is not always so.

And again, I don't want to offend you. These are just a few of the thought I had reading your posts

VfM4meplse

Barny1979 wrote: »

I didn't, but some thought and consideration would have been nice.

She could have had the grace to either decline your gifts or make it up to you after Christmas? It's v bad form to take, take, take.

moromir

A Parker pen drop a department store is going to run at least £50 and could easily be more than that, some of their pens are upward of £350!

Similarly nice champagne flutes could easily cost £40-£60.

It sounds like she stuck to the budget so I don't think you get to accuse her of not caring because you spent so much.