Sad sad sad.

happy_witch

brians_daughter wrote: »

It will take you time to find 'you' again. Its natural to feel sad, upset, think of the 'what ifs'. Once you have re-discovered yourself again it will be easier and happier.

Its a big change being with someone (happy or sad) for such a long time. I split with my ex 2 years ago, we are still friends and all go out as a family but i often find myself (and have to stop myself) texting him silly little things. Like yesterday there was a man singing in the street, happy as larry. He was singing a favourite song of my ex and I , I immediately got my phone out and started to text him then realised what i was doing... brief moment of sadness then had a latte to cheer myself up lol.

Grab every opportunity and also take time to be alone and be you.

Thank you, done exactly the same with the texting. He has told me he does not want me in his life, at all. That;s very sad, he was absoluely my best friend, my right arm. x

marisco_2

The pain you feel when a relationship breaks down is unlike any other. Even when there were problems within that relationship and you ultimately know that you are best off out of it. It is like the worst type of grieving because it takes so much longer to find closure.

In time, alot of time, you will feel emotionally stronger. I agree with the person who said it will do you good to think about what you would like from the future. Even if you dont feel able to put anything into place just yet, thinking about yourself and what you would like to do is good for you.

I have been where you are now. Counselling helped me through the darkest times and feeling able to lean heavily on family and friends. In just over 6 years down the line my life is unrecognisable from what it was. I live in a new area in a home I am lovingly making my own, I retrained into a career I once felt I had missed the chance of ever pursuing, have made new friends and formed new interests and hobbies.

You wont always feel so bad and lonely. Life can be really good again.

happy_witch

marisco wrote: »

The pain you feel when a relationship breaks down is unlike any other. Even when there were problems within that relationship and you ultimately know that you are best off out of it. It is like the worst type of grieving because it takes so much longer to find closure.

In time, alot of time, you will feel emotionally stronger. I agree with the person who said it will do you good to think about what you would like from the future. Even if you dont feel able to put anything into place just yet, thinking about yourself and what you would like to do is good for you.

I have been where you are now. Counselling helped me through the darkest times and feeling able to lean heavily on family and friends. In just over 6 years down the line my life is unrecognisable from what it was. I live in a new area in a home I am lovingly making my own, I retrained into a career I once felt I had missed the chance of ever pursuing, have made new friends and formed new interests and hobbies.

You wont always feel so bad and lonely. Life can be really good again.

Thank you very much. The pain is immeasurable. Thank you.

FBaby

I was very unhappy in my previous serious relationship and as time went by dreamt of a life without him in it. I then went through a year with him refusing that our relationship was over and so co-habitating until finally, he accepted that it was over and finally moved on. At first, I felt an amazing sense of relief, but to my surprise, after a few months, to my astonishment, I started finding that I missed him a bit.

When I was planning my life without him, I imagined a new life free of the frustrations I experienced with him, but also a life where after some time, I would have moved on, met someone else, someone who was exactly what my ex wasn't, but it didn't happen as I had planned, I didn't meet anyone and realised that there were not that many elligible good men and meeting them was mission impossible as a full-time working mum.

When he announced he had met someone else (and therefore clearly moved on), I realised that I was grieving his love for me and that even though I had grown out of love for him, I had grown out of the love he had for me. I suddenly remembered all the good things of our relationship and even started questioning if I'd done the right thing (even though I always knew that it would never had gone better if we stayed together).

I finally did completely moved on, but in the end, it is quite ironic that it took me longer than it did him! The hardest bit is definitely the loneliness, the adjusting to a life alone rather than a life without what we had before.

I really feel for you and like the other posters, all I can advise is to hold on because it will definitely get better with time. You need to hang on, take it day by day, and try very hard, however much you won't want to, to go out and do things. It is forging yourself a new life and doing new things with new people that will make you put that part of your life behind and enjoy the new you.

happy_witch

FBaby wrote: »

I was very unhappy in my previous serious relationship and as time went by dreamt of a life without him in it. I then went through a year with him refusing that our relationship was over and so co-habitating until finally, he accepted that it was over and finally moved on. At first, I felt an amazing sense of relief, but to my surprise, after a few months, to my astonishment, I started finding that I missed him a bit.

When I was planning my life without him, I imagined a new life free of the frustrations I experienced with him, but also a life where after some time, I would have moved on, met someone else, someone who was exactly what my ex wasn't, but it didn't happen as I had planned, I didn't meet anyone and realised that there were not that many elligible good men and meeting them was mission impossible as a full-time working mum.

When he announced he had met someone else (and therefore clearly moved on), I realised that I was grieving his love for me and that even though I had grown out of love for him, I had grown out of the love he had for me. I suddenly remembered all the good things of our relationship and even started questioning if I'd done the right thing (even though I always knew that it would never had gone better if we stayed together).

I finally did completely moved on, but in the end, it is quite ironic that it took me longer than it did him! The hardest bit is definitely the loneliness, the adjusting to a life alone rather than a life without what we had before.

I really feel for you and like the other posters, all I can advise is to hold on because it will definitely get better with time. You need to hang on, take it day by day, and try very hard, however much you won't want to, to go out and do things. It is forging yourself a new life and doing new things with new people that will make you put that part of your life behind and enjoy the new you.

This will be me without a doubt. I am dreading when he tells me he has found somebody else, he is very clear in the type of person he is looking for - someone who is not like me and someone who will make him number one, and someone who doesn't have intimacy issues and someone who discusses problems unlike me........this is very painful for me as I feel that I have really failed. I feel horrendous. Thankyou for bothering to reply. xx

FBaby

It is likely that the things he is saying are the expression of his own pain and anger. He is focussing on what was wrong and therefore wants exactly the opposite rather than being able to take a step back and realise that actually, there are many things that made him fall in love with you that he would want in another partner.

You are understandibly focussing on what you have lost right now rather than what you haven't lost. The fact that you feel more unhappy now doesn't mean that the relationship was good and worth continuing with. Settling for less because it is better than what seems nothing is not a solution to feeling unhappy.

You've made the decision to move on, and right now it feels like the wrong one, but when you will start emerging from the pain, you realise that it was a case of painful withdrawal for the benefit of long term freedom and being able to move on so you do have a chance to happiness.

happy_witch

FBaby wrote: »

It is likely that the things he is saying are the expression of his own pain and anger. He is focussing on what was wrong and therefore wants exactly the opposite rather than being able to take a step back and realise that actually, there are many things that made him fall in love with you that he would want in another partner.

You are understandibly focussing on what you have lost right now rather than what you haven't lost. The fact that you feel more unhappy now doesn't mean that the relationship was good and worth continuing with. Settling for less because it is better than what seems nothing is not a solution to feeling unhappy.

You've made the decision to move on, and right now it feels like the wrong one, but when you will start emerging from the pain, you realise that it was a case of painful withdrawal for the benefit of long term freedom and being able to move on so you do have a chance to happiness.

Thank you so very very much xx
It means so much to me that people bother to respond - thank you.

whitewing

When I split up from my previous boyfriend my sadness was almost tangible. Ride it out, it won't always hurt this much. And someone will always respond on here, we've all been helped and so we try to help others in turn.

happy_witch

whitewing wrote: »

When I split up from my previous boyfriend my sadness was almost tangible. Ride it out, it won't always hurt this much. And someone will always respond on here, we've all been helped and so we try to help others in turn.

Thank you so much x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

happy_witch wrote: »

Thank you, done exactly the same with the texting. He has told me he does not want me in his life, at all. That;s very sad, he was absoluely my best friend, my right arm. x

And when he was violent, was he your best friend then?


Stockholm Syndrome comes to mind.