Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

anna_grant

However, 'Dilemma of the Week' is usually anonomised by being originated by an MSE member of staff. This one has not. I don't think it was appropriate for this thread (although very interesting) to be made 'Dilemma of the Week'.

sassyblue

anna_grant wrote: »

However, 'Dilemma of the Week' is usually anonomised by being originated by an MSE member of staff. This one has not. I don't think it was appropriate for this thread (although very interesting) to be made 'Dilemma of the Week'.

Agree wholeheartedly.

newsgroup_monkey

On the other hand....

If the cap fits, wear it.

If "Thingy" is reading this, hopefully the shame will make her cough up.

ChiRho

I agree that Thingy has stolen from all of you. I should say (in front of others who lunched with you) something along the lines of "when I saw so-and-so later on, he asked if we'd been dissatisfied with the service given by the new waitress: he himself wondered if she'd been entirely honest or pocketed the tip for herself" That's the time for Thingy to laugh and say "that's why I've more money than I thought in my purse. I completely forgot the tip - I'll do it now." Good luck, whatever you decide.

[Deleted User]

Peater wrote: »

Lazer - "Getting a bit off topic now, but was out in a group of 4 (2x singles, 1x couple) for some drinks.

I got the first round in, the other single got one in, then the bloke from the couple got one in. Our glasses were empty and had been for a while when and i made a 'ahem' and gestured to my empty glass. The couple said in almost perfect unison "but 'we' bought the last one."

I laughed in their face and explained that's not how it works in civilized society. They relented and got the next round in. Haven't seen them since. Oops.

I've been in a very similar situation... I went to a wedding earlier this year quite far away and was sharing car hire with two couples, so there were 5 of us.

Petrol money came to £80. Between 5 of us, that should be £16 each. When we were putting our money in, the 'head' girl who was organising everything told me I owed about £26. I asked why, and she said I should imagine her and her fiance as 'one', and the other couple as 'one', so we're each paying a third.

It was a bit of an uncomfortable situation where no one came to my rescue, but I was unsure as to why I should pay more than everyone else, just because I was a singleton. When I pointed it out, I could tell the girl wanted to put up a fight and started looking uncomfortably at everyone else. But she backed down thankfully so we each paid our fair share. Surely I'm not being unreasonable here?!

kevanf1

I would get something set up so a witness is around the corner, you have an audio recorder on and then openly ask 'thingy' about what has happened. Don't beat around the bush but be polite. Perhaps ask if a mistake was made with her not leaving the £20 tip. Thingy is, ultimately, a thief!

drewstew

I often find the Moral Dilemmas quite trivial, but this one got to me. As a former senior manger with HR responsibilities, I would have no hesitation in starting an enquiry with a view to disciplinary proceedings. It may have been a "social" occasion, but it's work related. Thingy's behaviour has brought the company into disrepute with the restaurant, who will now have a view of Gibson's company as harbouring cheats and thieves. Don't forget a growing number of employees have suffered the consequences of what they've put on Facebook "out of work". I think this is a dismissal issue.

[Deleted User]

Theft pure and simple. If she was a bloke I'd have chinned her....

Somebody did someone similar to me years ago. Bill came, 5 people £80, went around the table, everyone chucks in around £20 (Some notes, some change). LAst person rifles through the pile says we dont need to add that much tip. Counts it out so theres £85 total.

I reckon he ended up paying a fiver total and everyone else 'tip' paid for his.

This is much worse though. Shes had free meal and £19 and stolen everyones tip money.

Cant see how its anything other than theft? Chances are she was planning this and does this all the time.

milvusvestal

Firstly, £20 seems rather extravagant for a tip, no matter how many of you were sitting at table. You would need to have an extremely good level of service to justify that kind of money.

Secondly, tips aren't mandatory, and the restaurant should have made it clear beforehand that extras such as gratuities are included in the price of the meal. In other words, there was no reason why anyone should have emptied their pockets to pay for something that was already paid for.

Yes, by all means expose your so-called friend for rank dishonesty, and make a point of never returning to the restaurant. Any proprietor who asks what was wrong simply because his staff didn't get a tip has a cheek.

oldnewhand

Having been in similar situations without the prior conflict a private conversation giving an opportunity for the thief to find their conscience and put things right without a public showdown is the most sensitive and effective approach. BUT with the history between you this is more likely to cause more problems than it solves.
Possibly you could try the loud but casual comment in front of the thief and other members of the party. "I was surprised that the manager asked if we weren't happy with the service when I went back for my scarf, especially as we left such a good tip didn't we?" If you don't think this will work prime the colleague that has also "sussed" the thief to suggest she'll pop in and enquire why the manager thought you weren't happy. You certainly do need to bring the thief to book and will probably need the help of at least one other to do this. You could involve management but as it took place out of work it may not be appropriate and could be construed as stirring on your part. You need to make sure that you come out of this in a good light as it should be; people like the thief can usuaklly manipulate the truth.