Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

thriftyemma

I was married to a "Thingy", a long time ago. Many years ago, before we were married, a group of us went out for dinner. At the end of the meal my Thingy grabbed the bill and said we all owed £xx amount, which included a tip of around £15. Everyone handed over their cash, which my Thingy counted up. As everyone was leaving, I saw my Thingy put the £15 tip in his pocket and the rest of the money on the table.

I was gobsmacked that he would do this. But at the time, I was wearing my love-tinted glasses, and somehow managed to justify it in my mind. Because he was allowed to get away with it, he carried on this sort of behaviour, was very controlling and abusive. Looking back now, I can't believe how much I let my Thingy get away with, just for a quiet life. In the end, it took a great deal of courage to leave him. But he had already done so much damage.

OP, if you're still reading this thread, I think you really need to talk to your Thingy. If sociopaths like this are allowed to get away with this behaviour, where will it end? I let it happen to me, and I ended up with broken bones.

Sooler

sassyblue wrote: »

Why are you all still offering advice when the OP is done and dusted with the issue?

because Martin circulated it to 7 million people in the MSE weekly email. It's open for public srutiny, comment and deliberation. The nation will judge. :santa2:

fracturedsun

OK just playing devils advocate here, but I've been out to lunch (or dinner) with large groups of friends a lot. In my experience nine times out of ten the amount put down on the table doesn't add up to the bill + tip. Nobody is stealing and everyone puts down what they spent and extra for a tip and yet somehow when you add it all up there's less or more than there should be. I've never understood how this happens but anytime there's more than about 4 of us it seems to be inevitable. Maybe when she went up to pay there was less cash than she expected.

sassyblue

Sooler wrote: »

because Martin circulated it to 7 million people in the MSE weekly email. It's open for public srutiny, comment and deliberation. The nation will judge. :santa2:

WOW, l'm shocked - that's helpful - not. Let's hope thingy doesn't see it, that could cause alot of trouble for the OP. :eek:

Disclaimer! Yes l know it was posted by the OP, but unlikely to be seen by thingy you would think, but now......

krlyr

sassyblue wrote: »

WOW, l'm shocked - that's helpful - not. Let's hope thingy doesn't see it, that could cause alot of trouble for the OP. :eek:

Disclaimer! Yes l know it was posted by the OP, but unlikely to be seen by thingy you would think, but now......

Which is something we all agree to in the terms & conditions

Your content
7.1 Just so that you know, you own any copyright in the text that you post to our forums. However, when you post text, you expressly grant us a perpetual, unlimited free license to republish that text on our site and to redistribute/make available and/or sell that text in print or electronic form anywhere in the world as part of an edited compilation or otherwise. Skimlinks software may automatically track certain contextual links in your forum posts. See our Skimlinks factsheet for more details.

To be fair, it's a brief mention (with no specific details) at the end of a fairly long email. If you get that far and pay that much attention to every section of it, chances are you're fairly into MSE anyway (and the emails go to subscribers only, too) and may have spotted the thread yourself anyway.

Sooler

krlyr wrote: »

the emails go to subscribers only

Nope, see that link at the top of the page right next to Martin "Weekly Email" ... it's GLOBAL. :snow_grin

Treevo

krlyr wrote: »

Which is something we all agree to in the terms & conditions



To be fair, it's a brief mention (with no specific details) at the end of a fairly long email. If you get that far and pay that much attention to every section of it, chances are you're fairly into MSE anyway (and the emails go to subscribers only, too) and may have spotted the thread yourself anyway.

Given all the trouble Instagram/Facebook have found themselves in for taking all rights to people's contents, is it fair that multi-millionaire Martin and international corporation MoneySupermarket, steal everyone's expertise and content to further feather their already stuffed nests?

krlyr

Sooler wrote: »

Nope, see that link at the top of the page right next to Martin "Weekly Email" ... it's GLOBAL. :snow_grin

As is the rest of the site though. Once you're on the website to view the "email" online, it's not much of a leap to get onto the forum. Good lesson in learning what not to post in public in terms of stuff you'd rather remain private.

krlyr

Treevo wrote: »

Given all the trouble Instagram/Facebook have found themselves in for taking all rights to people's contents, is it fair that multi-millionaire Martin and international corporation MoneySupermarket, steal everyone's expertise and content to further feather their already stuffed nests?

Why do you think these kind of people run these kind of websites? Forums this size cost a lot to run in terms of resources - expensive hosting packages required to keep it online, web programmers to customise features and fix problems, paid moderators to keep on top of things, advertising, etc., Martin's not doing it just out of the good of his own heart.

I certainly have never paid anything to use the website. I benefit from free membership and great advice, he benefits from building that forum and using the content to make money.

No one's stealing anything, you agree to the terms and conditions when you sign up, therefore it's used with permission.

All he's done is summarised a post on a public forum and posted a link to it. Interesting threads create discussion, discussion creates content, content attracts new members, new members attract advertisers, advertisers provide revenue. You don't want your post public, don't post it in a public place.
At least members have the option to use AE on here for really sensitive stuff - many forums I've been on forbid the use of a second account, especially an anonymous one. MSE also allows the editing of your post at any time (as far as I've noticed) so if you change your mind you could remove it. I'm pretty sure they're quite fair at removing threads on requests too, from what I've seen. Again, things I've seen other forums disallow.

skintchick

krlyr wrote: »

As is the rest of the site though. Once you're on the website to view the "email" online, it's not much of a leap to get onto the forum. Good lesson in learning what not to post in public in terms of stuff you'd rather remain private.

Yes, although those of us who have been on here a long time probably still treat it like it used to be - pretty small, with no-one you ever met in real life having heard of it. Now you can;t move without people saying 'I saw it on MSE'.!

It used to be very different on here, a smaller community, friendlier, not so many mouthy trolls.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that.

I remember when Martin was delighted to hit 2million people on the email and now it is 7 million! :eek:

The forums have expanded as well, so there's loads more people on here than there used to. It's partly why I don;t post loads on here any more. This used to be my at-home social life lol, I'd never dare share so much on here now. (Although obviously it's all in the archives somewhere...)