Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

krlyr

I think the "Thingy"s are getting confused - Secret Santa Thingy is Tygermoth's, not the OP's. Tygermoth has said this person has a history of not even buying presents for Secret Santa, as well as owing money to several people in the office and not chipping in for breakfasts that, from what it sounds like, they take it in turns to buy.
We do a Secret Santa and if I couldn't afford it I might suggest that they take part without me, or we do a lower budget. Or I might do something handmade that costs me less, but it certainly would have more effort than an IOU (especially if I already owe several colleagues things already that I've not bothered paying back!). Why should this person benefit from receiving a £20 gift if they don't spend £20, or the equivelant time and effort, on someone else?
(also, although our Secret Santa is done secretly, as soon as gifts are received everyone reveals who bought what - guess I was just assuming this may be a common thing so Tygermoth could know what Thingy bought)

Back to OP's Thingy - she didn't pick up the cash until after she had paid the bill on card. If she had cash on her to tip the waitress, she therefore didn't need to go to the cash machine (so why lie and pay on card). OP has said she returned to the table, said she'd paid the bill, picked up (all) the cash, put it in her purse and left with the rest of them.

purple.sarah

It's up to the OP whether or not they report it but I just wanted to say some companies take theft by an employee, even outside of work, very seriously. An acquaintance of mine had money stolen from him on a night out with colleagues. He made a silly mistake and actually gave a colleague his card and pin to get a round in but she stole £200+ from his account! He reported it to the police and their employer and she was fired and had to repay him. While this case doesn't involve such a large amount there is more evidence, there are witnesses that saw 'Thingy' take the money and a receipt showing she didn't spend it all on the bill.

lostinrates

Treevo wrote: »

In my old office a woman did this. There were only five of us but she wanted to do a secret santa to keep costs down, and then she decided the budget had to be £15 odd when we all preferred a budget of £25. She decided that we must spend the exact amount to the penny because that's part of the fun. It wasn't.

So imagine her horror when she realised that secret santa was given over the Christmas lunch, in full view of everyone. She gave me a jar of 'home-made' jam. Which was amazing considering it was still factory-sealed. With an office-supplied sticker and biro writing on it. And a best before date printed on the lid.

Thingy is a thief - that's all there is to it. I couldn't give a fig if she had a big gas bill and desperately needed the money. She stole from her workmates. She's lucky that she hasn't been arrested because I'd have no hesitation in reporting such conduct to both my managers and the police.

I'll be honest, there a few gifts I have received from colleagues I have really liked. I would not want them to spend 25 or even 15 on something I would not like. Personally I would be happier with a fiver max secret Santa exchange. (I would happily take mine in vouchers for the supermarket, amazon or a cheaper than five pount bottle of plonk. (or a six pack of Evian!)

Treevo

lostinrates wrote: »

I'll be honest, there a few gifts I have received from colleagues I have really liked. I would not want them to spend 25 or even 15 on something I would not like. Personally I would be happier with a fiver max secret Santa exchange. (I would happily take mine in vouchers for the supermarket, amazon or a cheaper than five pount bottle of plonk. (or a six pack of Evian!)

Before she joined we all got together and bought one present jointly, and made sure we all got what we wanted. It worked and we went back to it the year after.:rotfl:

Thankfully the witch was long gone by then. And then the entire company was gone the year after that - I think she cursed us.:D

coolcait

Nicki wrote: »

...
AFAIK all the OP knows for a FACT (not gossip or speculation) is that thingy paid the bill minus service on her credit card, and that the manager did not see any tip at the end of the meal...

^^^ This.

Not to mention the fact that the OP supposedly 'knows this for a fact' because the restaurant manager allegedly pulled out the receipt for a bill paid by a third party [the colleague] on her debit/credit card.

Should he have done that? Where does he stand, now that the OP has put that information 'out there'?

If the police were called in, how many breaches of the law would they find themselves looking at?

Someone asked, very early on in the thread, how the OP would have reacted to this scenario if it had been his.her best friend who allegedlty took the tip money [my paraphrasing].

I think that was a very astute question.

burnoutbabe

I'm sure if it was her best friend she would have had a quiet word and then if BF didn't immediately go "god, i totally forgot to leave the tip in cash, i must re-imburse you", then wouldn't be a best friend anymore.

The facts seem pretty clear, no chance to pay over any tip and all cash picked up as everyone left. One can assume oversight or deliberate error. But the person who did it has been told AND has not done anything to rectify it.

Treevo

coolcait wrote: »

^^^ This.

Not to mention the fact that the OP supposedly 'knows this for a fact' because the restaurant manager allegedly pulled out the receipt for a bill paid by a third party [the colleague] on her debit/credit card.

Should he have done that? Where does he stand, now that the OP has put that information 'out there'?

If the police were called in, how many breaches of the law would they find themselves looking at?

Someone asked, very early on in the thread, how the OP would have reacted to this scenario if it had been his.her best friend who allegedlty took the tip money [my paraphrasing].

I think that was a very astute question.

Do explain why someone cannot have access to a receipt that is for their purchase.

It's amazing the lengths people will go to to defend a thief. I don't think it's a mystery why.

BugglyB

I would forget about it.

I'm not saying thats the right thing to do, but its what I'd do.

coolcait

Treevo wrote: »

Do explain why someone cannot have access to a receipt that is for their purchase.

It's amazing the lengths people will go to to defend a thief. I don't think it's a mystery why.

The OP did not pay for the meal on his/her card. The restaurant owner showed her a receipt for a transaction made on another person's card. I think that may put him in an awkward position if the OP's colleague were to challenge the OP's version of events.

The OP came onto this thread for advice on how to deal with a situation involving someone who has previously raised a grievance against him/her.

And then proceeded to handle things in a way which leave him/her wide open to further accusations of bullying. Whether it is true that the colleague took the tip money or not.

The OP has absolutely no proof that the colleague took the tip money. The OP has absolutely no proof that he/she paid a further amount to cover the allegedly missing tips.

Without that proof, it is the OP's behaviour which will be put under the spotlight. Not the colleague's behaviour.

Pointing all of that out isn't 'defending a thief', or anything else. It's pointing out to the OP how his/her behaviour could be seen, or presented, as bullying. It's then up to him/her what to do with that knowledge.

coolcait

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I'm sure if it was her best friend she would have had a quiet word and then if BF didn't immediately go "god, i totally forgot to leave the tip in cash, i must re-imburse you", then wouldn't be a best friend anymore.

...

Exactly. Instead, the OP chose to first email suspicions/accusations to another colleague - one who appears to be quite happy to share gossip and allegations.

After that, the OP spoke to the accused colleague abut the issue when they met in a corridor - a public place.

Like I've said throughout, if the OP was worried about further accusations of bullying, he/she has done a great job of behaving in a way which makes such an accusation both likely and sustainable.

He/she has handled the matter so badly, in that respect, that an allegation of bullying might be upheld even if the colleague were clearly demonstrated to be a thief.

If the colleague is shown to be innocent, or there is a 'not proven' outcome, the OP would be in very deep trouble.

Throughout this thread, some people have been answering the question 'what do I do about the fact that I think this colleague is a thief?'

Others, like me, have been answering the question 'how do I deal with a difficult situation, without being accused - again - of bullying?'

Therein lies the difference in approaches.