Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

nczm

I have a slightly different take on the management issue (but only because you called out thingy), I think you should mention it under very clear instruction that you want them to be aware in case she accuses you of bullying her further that this is the conversation you had with her and this is what you believe has happened.
I had a legitimate instance of someone being excluded from lunches as a bullying tactic in the office before and it was built into a formal complaint.
If thingy really is the scum you paint her as she's probably building her case against you, at least your manager can document the incident (ask you to send her an email).
I also think you're fooling yourself if you think this will be the end of it, when you next do lunch someone will query why she is not there, someone else will tell the story, opinions will be formed and who's at the centre of it... You,who conveniently don't get on with her.
Watch you're back, she'll be gunning for you

archess200

Absolutely expose her: she is stealing from you. Ask her for your share of the tip back, and pass the info on to all the others. This may be the start of a new career for her and do we need yet more thieves on the block?
Why hide bad people? Name and shame and set an example for the community at large.
Otherwise, how do you trust ANYBODY in future?

trentsc

You need to separate what goes on within your work environment from what goes on outside. While you're all work colleagues, this isn't an issue for management to deal with.

However, it's not fair to the waitress or your other colleagues, and it's clearly festering with you, so it does need to be addressed. I would recommend the following approach:

1. Discuss the matter with ONE other member of the lunch party who can maintain confidentiality. Get them to confirm your recollection of events but not to go public.
2. Tell Thingy privately that you're aware a mistake might have been made with the restaurant and you're anxious not to make a big thing out of it. You're aware that you both haven't got on in the past and you want to build bridges rather than be confrontational. Give them the opportunity to make good, as though it was a simple mistake on their part.
3. Have a chat with someone in HR. Explain the issue and the history, and that you don't want this to go any further but want to flag it in case it blows up.

This way you've got corroboration of the events from an independent witness and you've pre-empted any follow-up complaint with your management. At the same time, you've given Thingy the opportunity to save face: unless she is powerfully dim she'll realise that you know what happened but are giving her the gift of an out, and she'll be warned off trying it again.

She'll also realise that you're not an ogre and it might help to ease the tension between you.

Trent

savercol

As a shop keeper I see it all the time. A group of girls, 20's to 30's, will come in. One of them buys something for about £3 and asks the others if they have any change as they only have a £20 note. The others will give them the money but how many times do they get it back. Rarely I expect.

mountainofdebt

JayD wrote: »

My advice is:

Get a copy of the receipt, tell your colleagues, show them the proof and then arrange for a group of you to confront her. Don't do it alone and be sure to have sound evidence to back your accusation. Then tell her she is NOT welcome at any of your work get togethers ever again!

Nothing like lynch mob mentality eh?

SandC

Gibson hasn't posted since 12th December - she told us what she did about the situation and I suspect that is that.

I see no lynch mob mentality anywhere other than on here to be honest - I read it that she emailed her level headed colleague privately (ie not on works network) and they decided not to take it further with regards to involving anyone else and to let it lie but simply not invite her anywhere else so the situation could not arise again.

Conrad

savercol wrote: »

As a shop keeper I see it all the time. A group of girls, 20's to 30's, will come in. One of them buys something for about £3 and asks the others if they have any change as they only have a £20 note. The others will give them the money but how many times do they get it back. Rarely I expect.

We've noticed it's often the same 'freinds' that never have cash for the cab fair and of course then never end up paying. In case anyone reading this is this way inclined, it doesn't go unnoticed.

tara747

SandC wrote: »

Gibson hasn't posted since 12th December - she told us what she did about the situation and I suspect that is that.

I see no lynch mob mentality anywhere other than on here to be honest - I read it that she emailed her level headed colleague privately (ie not on works network) and they decided not to take it further with regards to involving anyone else and to let it lie but simply not invite her anywhere else so the situation could not arise again.

See, that's risky because she could make that into a bullying accusation!

nczm and trentsc (bth above) have the best solutions imho.

mountainofdebt

SandC wrote: »

I see no lynch mob mentality anywhere other than on here to be honest - I read it that she emailed her level headed colleague privately (ie not on works network) and they decided not to take it further with regards to involving anyone else and to let it lie but simply not invite her anywhere else so the situation could not arise again.

I was referring to JayD's suggestion of dealing with the matter.

Personally I think the best suggestion is nczm's. What ever action Gibson & Co decides to take it could be twisted so that it appears that they are bullying (by exclusion) so to warn the boss that a situation has occurred and whilst it was outside the workplace it may have ramifications for inside.

However (and this is only an observation) does anyone else think its telling that the OP chose to give this girl the pseudonym 'thingy'? I mean she could have just said X or lets call her Jane but chose to use something dismissive.

Jinx

^^^I'd be dismissive of someone who stole from work colleagues too. 'Thingy' is almost polite imo!