Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

Clairiebabe

You should definitely confront ur colleague, perhaps have a few of ur other colleagues on stand by when u do so Thingy can't accuse u of 'bullying' her. Just be polite and be casual, smile if u can and maintain good eye contact when talking to her. Do it casually and as though u firmly believe that it was an innocent mistake on her behalf and let her know that u've squared the tip up out of ur own pocket as u had to go back for ur scarf and that she owes u the money out of the complete amount that she 'mistakenly' just 'took in a rush to get back to work'. You've got to do it, but do it nicely and have witnesses to protect you. Good luck and merry Christmas. :beer:

aliasojo

tara747 wrote: »

See, that's risky because she could make that into a bullying accusation!

I honestly do not understand how not being invited somewhere could possibly ever be construed as being bullied.

Being left out points to being disliked. You'd be hard pressed to convert being left out because you're not a very nice person, into being left out because you're being bullied. Imo.

tara747

aliasojo wrote: »

I honestly do not understand how not being invited somewhere could possibly ever be construed as being bullied.

Being left out points to being disliked. You'd be hard pressed to convert being left out because you're not a very nice person, into being left out because you're being bullied. Imo.

Oh, I'm not saying that it would be *my* view, just that Thingy could twist it into a bullying accusation

ChiefGrasscutter

Deleted_User wrote: »

I've been in a very similar situation... I went to a wedding earlier this year quite far away and was sharing car hire with two couples, so there were 5 of us.

Petrol money came to £80. Between 5 of us, that should be £16 each. When we were putting our money in, the 'head' girl who was organising everything told me I owed about £26. I asked why, and she said I should imagine her and her fiance as 'one', and the other couple as 'one', so we're each paying a third.

It was a bit of an uncomfortable situation where no one came to my rescue, but I was unsure as to why I should pay more than everyone else, just because I was a singleton. When I pointed it out, I could tell the girl wanted to put up a fight and started looking uncomfortably at everyone else. But she backed down thankfully so we each paid our fair share. Surely I'm not being unreasonable here?!

Have I got news for you - this is exactly how the travel industry works.
If you are a couple you pay less
If you are on your own you pay a single person's supplement which means your holiday is very much more expensive on a per person basis than the couple next to you on the plane/in the hotel etc.

poet123

aliasojo wrote: »

I honestly do not understand how not being invited somewhere could possibly ever be construed as being bullied.

Being left out points to being disliked. You'd be hard pressed to convert being left out because you're not a very nice person, into being left out because you're being bullied. Imo.

If you were being "excluded" deliberately ( and all other team members were invited) that could be construed as bullying.

aliasojo

poet123 wrote: »

If you were being "excluded" deliberately ( and all other team members were invited) that could be construed as bullying.

Well being the simple soul that I am, that smacks of pc correctness gone wrong.

There is something far wrong in this world if a group of people can't deliberately exclude someone they find difficult to tolerate because of their behaviour, in case they are seen as bullying them.

Absolutely crazy.

(Assuming the person in question is actually unpleasant and/or difficult to be with for whatever reason, that is.)

poet123

aliasojo wrote: »

Well being the simple soul that I am, that smacks of pc correctness gone wrong.

There is something far wrong in this world if a group of people can't deliberately exclude someone they find difficult to tolerate because of their behaviour, in case they are seen as bullying them.

Absolutely crazy.

(Assuming the person in question is actually unpleasant and/or difficult to be with for whatever reason, that is.)

I don't disagree, but being unpleasant is subjective, and it would be quite easy for someone to cite that they were being bullied if they were excluded from events that everyone else was invited to if they felt so inclined.

juliamarsh

ChiefGrasscutter wrote: »

Have I got news for you - this is exactly how the travel industry works.
If you are a couple you pay less
If you are on your own you pay a single person's supplement which means your holiday is very much more expensive on a per person basis than the couple next to you on the plane/in the hotel etc.

You might pay more as a single person but you certainly don't pay double, and you don't pay one air fare instead of 2 if you are a couple which pretty much equates to the car hire scenario described by Deleted_User, and gives even more weight to the argument that that way of thinking is ludicrous.

aliasojo

poet123 wrote: »

I don't disagree, but being unpleasant is subjective, and it would be quite easy for someone to cite that they were being bullied if they were excluded from events that everyone else was invited to if they felt so inclined.

Indeed. But then it would be easy for me to say you kicked me in the shins for no reason. :rotfl:

Clearly that accusation would fall down under scrutiny.

The point I'm making is that in reality anyone could accuse anyone else of anything.

Evidence is what would count, and if you had one person saying 'I'm being bullied because they are excluding me' and 10 people ALL saying 'we exclude her because she exhibits thieving/using tendencies whilst in social settings and we wont associate ourselves with this type of person', then the accuser's bullying complaint wouldn't hold too much water.

burnoutbabe

if it was a work paid for lunch, then yes, you invite everyone.

but if you are just paying for yourself, you invite who you want. its not bullying to not invite someone, i assume not everyone in the entire company was going bar this one woman?