Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

RuthnJasper

I think that Gibson123 is totally right to have made the conclusion she did and to draw a line under this episode. Thingy has been discreetly put on notice that her actions were spotted; the matter and its conclusion has been quietly discussed with a responsible colleague and the relationship with the restaurant has been smoothed-over. To take this any further, in my opinion, would cause more harm than good.

Thingy sounds like an extremely toxic person. And, as hard as it seems to believe at times, if she continues this type of behaviour she WILL ultimately reap the consequences. It could take years - but she will grow more confident as she continues to get away with her dishonesty and could well end up with a conviction for theft, no job and certainly no friends.

"Give her enough rope and she will hang herself" is such a cliche, but it IS true. As I said, it can seem most unfair and difficult at the time to step back from the situation as Gibson123 has done - but ultimately Thingy WILL get her comeuppance, even if it's decades in coming - and you can bet that SHE will seek to place the blame on anything other than her own spiteful actions.

Hope everyone has a very merry Chrimble! xx

Joons

Tell everyone you had lunch with what the manager has told you, then you can all nominate someone out of the group to have a word with her, obv not you cos of past experiences - she sounds a delight - not!

Hezzawithkids

WolfSong2000 wrote: »

I hope Karma bites "Thingy" in the a*rse, tbh. I went for a meal years ago with a group of friends - one "friend" (who I haven't spoken to in years...pretty much gave up on her after this incident) bought along her new boyfriend. We all had a lovely meal, but at the end of it her boyfriend just flat out refused to pay his share. My "friend" wouldn't cover him either so the rest of us all had to chip in extra. To say I was not impressed would be an understatement. Unfortunately I was quite young then (18 ish) and didn't want to rock the boat - nowadays I would have said something, though I appreciate with work colleagues that certain issues have to be handled more sensitively.

Have been in a similar situation. Every Xmas we get together with a big group of friends and go out for a meal. Each year one person is put in charge of choosing the restaurant and booking it, but not before checking with everyone that the cost per head is acceptable.

One year we invited along a new friend and his fiancee. They both ate all 3 courses but refused the wine and got drinks from the bar instead. When it came to divvy-ing up the bill they kicked up a huge stink about having to pay for a share of the wine, even though they's added their bar drinks to the bill. The fiancee then started complaining about the quality of the food and service (even though they both ate everything they ordered). She then declared that it was too expensive, despite them agreeing to the cost before the table was booked. She ended up storming out, her partner just left cash for their food and nothing else. They didn't get invited back again. A few months later he organised a birthday party for the fiancee and invited us all. None of us went.

As someone said karma has a great way of levelling the playing field in these situations. OP - I agree that you've done the mature thing by leaving it alone. Thingy will get herself a reputation for her behaviour and will find herself excluded from future occasions. With any luck she'll realise what the problem is and sort herself out. Until then you are well away from the situation.

Any

sedment wrote: »

Would suggest next social lunch you have, make a agreement with the others that the cash has to be sorted out say, £30 a head enough to cover a meal and a few drinks while you are sitting at the table so if she doesnt hand over the cash she doesnt eat or drink and dont let her deal with handling any cash. That would give her the opportunity to nip to the bank at that point. Might put her off going out!

Next time I would do anything in my powers for her not to be able to come along. Keep it a secret or something.

(This is not having a go at your post Sedment now)
Just because you are friends with some of your colleagues does not mean you have to socialise with thieves. Full stop.

And if someone tried to accuse someone else of bullying in our office because "they do not invite me out with them when they go out in their own time" I would very quickly dismiss that complaint.

Some people are toxic, and I think the evidence in this case is substantial (obviously only going off from what the OP said, I am not going to draw any other conclusions as without the "real" imput ie being there and knowing them personaly anything else is just fantasising "what if") to decide, as an adult and human being with their own rights that I do not want to include this person in my social circle.

IF all this is true.

NAR

sedment wrote: »

Op, sounds like thingy has problems, either financial or pathological, and sounds like she has realised she has been caught out by you.
Thingy is probably mortified

I find this most unlikely as she has done it before. Such people, even when confronted, will brazen it out to the bitter end. OP take it as a lesson learned and never allow it to occur again ie insist she goes to atm for cash and wait on her.

pimento

Tygermoth wrote: »

I got Thingy for secret Santa this year (its a £20 gift) and i am tempted to put in a IOU like she has done for the last few staff meals out and get the team £20 of goodies.

Our thingy here got an empty box in the secret santa one year...

krlyr

Tygermoth wrote: »

I got Thingy for secret Santa this year (its a £20 gift) and i am tempted to put in a IOU like she has done for the last few staff meals out and get the team £20 of goodies. We had to buy all new festive decorations this year because she nicked last years but we cant accuse her, she also has conveniently forgotten the petrol money she owes me and one of the team and has persistently managed not to pay for Fridays McDonald's breakfast.

The woman drives me mental.

How about an "IOU - petrol money" and "IOU McDonald's breakfast" and pop to the accounts department to borrow a "Paid in full" stamp to stamp them with :rotfl:

Any wrote: »

Next time I would do anything in my powers for her not to be able to come along. Keep it a secret or something.

That polite? I think an "You're not invited because you didn't pay for your meal and stole the tip last time" wouldn't go amiss

LannieDuck

pimento wrote: »

Our thingy here got an empty box in the secret santa one year...

That's harsh.

pimento

LannieDuck wrote: »

That's harsh.

....but fair.

lazer

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

Have been in a similar situation. Every Xmas we get together with a big group of friends and go out for a meal. Each year one person is put in charge of choosing the restaurant and booking it, but not before checking with everyone that the cost per head is acceptable.

One year we invited along a new friend and his fiancee. They both ate all 3 courses but refused the wine and got drinks from the bar instead. When it came to divvy-ing up the bill they kicked up a huge stink about having to pay for a share of the wine, even though they's added their bar drinks to the bill. The fiancee then started complaining about the quality of the food and service (even though they both ate everything they ordered). She then declared that it was too expensive, despite them agreeing to the cost before the table was booked. She ended up storming out, her partner just left cash for their food and nothing else. They didn't get invited back again. A few months later he organised a birthday party for the fiancee and invited us all. None of us went.

As someone said karma has a great way of levelling the playing field in these situations. OP - I agree that you've done the mature thing by leaving it alone. Thingy will get herself a reputation for her behaviour and will find herself excluded from future occasions. With any luck she'll realise what the problem is and sort herself out. Until then you are well away from the situation.

TBH I think you are being unfair on the new friend and fiance, they did buy all their drinks at the bar - possibly as they were on a budget and did not want to drink much, and did not want to subsidise others heavy drinking.

Common practice when i am out with my friends is to seperate teh bill into alcohol and food, divide the food among everyone and divide the alcohol among those that drank it.

Why do you think the friend should have paid for your drink?