Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

bugslet

It's always difficult from one post to know all the ins and outs, but having seen gibson123s posts before,they are usually level-headed and fairly sane, so I'll take it that Thingy is just one of those people who are difficult and hard work to get on with. Anyone working for a medium- large organisation will come across someone that no-one really gets on with. I always say if someone doesn't get on with you, it's a personality clash; if no-one gets on with you, then you need to have a serious word with yourself!

Bit late to the should you get management involved discussion, I run a small company of 20 people and I've seen things happen that aren't strictly work-related spill into work time and make life increasingly difficult. Whilst I hate to be involved like things such as the OP outlined, sometimes it's easier to bite the bullet and try to arbitrate; at the very least I'm aware of a situation that I might not have been otherwise.

Hoseman

Listerbelle wrote: »

It sounds like Thingy has bigger problems than suggested here. Gambling or other debts perhaps?

I think she needs an intro to MSE!

I thought the same things. Drugs even...

LannieDuck

tooldle wrote: »

I don't think the OP can ask for the extra £30 back. This is a separate issue to the original tip, included in the £15 per head. The OP choose to pay the extra £30 to smooth things over.

Possibly not, but they can all ask for their original tip money back.

sassyblue

All this reminds me of a holiday we had with family once, every night we went out for a meal and every night the money for the bill didn't add up. It always came back to my cousin and her husband who had 'forgotten' to pay for their drinks or the sweet they'd had or something else.

We've had meals out since and it's still always them, most times they also leave early so someone always stumps up for them. :mad:

LannieDuck

coolcait wrote: »

OP, if you want to avoid further accusations of bullying - or of victimisation - you don't really seem to be helping yourself.

If 'Thingy' puts in another grievance about you, she could point to the following

- you were part of a larger group which went to lunch and chose to exclude her

- when she attended the lunch anyway, you avoided her

- you returned to the restaurant afterwards, alone - allegedly to collect a forgotten scarf - and were invited to have coffee with the manager

- the manager confided that - from his accounting point of view - your group had not left a tip; you assured him that your group had done so.

- you assumed that your colleague had not paid the tip. You do not appear to have considered the possibility that your colleague paid the tip separately, and/or that a member of the restaurant staff might have taken it

- you obtained a copy of a bill/receipt which had been paid with a third party's card. Your colleague's card, not your own. A colleague who has previously raised a grievance against you because of your behaviour towards her.

- you shared the bill/receipt information with yet another colleague. Along with your suspicions and suppositions

- you challenged 'Thingy' about the bill in a corridor - a public space - even though you were challenging her honesty, integrity and probity - on fairly flimsy evidence. Which - maybe - you shouldn't have been given, as it wasn't your card that paid the bill. You see her abrupt departure from your confrontation, and failure to contact you later, as proof that she took the money. She may see it, and/or present it, as a further example of bullying and attempted humiliation on your part.

- you have taken part in a gossipy discussion about two previous occasions where your colleague allegedly failed to pay her share. You have taken that gossipy hearsay at face value - even though you did not witness either instance. You don't seem to have considered that the gossipy colleague who shared that with you might also share your confidences with others.

- you have decided that the way forward is to exclude your colleague from future social events. With the risk that others may learn the reason why you have taken that decision

You might be totally genuine. Your story might be totally true.

If the colleague you call 'Thingy' raises another grievance against you, you could be totally stuffed.

I think some of what the OP has done is fair enough - if you never challenge someone's behaviour for fear of being labelled a 'bully', you become a mug.

Having heard the gossip about her previous meals out, I can understand why this woman gets excluded from outings. Certainly, if she nicked the tip from a meal I'd been at (and didn't express surprise/correct the mistake when asked about it), I'd be wary of going out with her again.

bestpud

Treevo wrote: »

The majority of people do not appear to like her so the problem is with all of them and not the thief? :eek:

No definitely not!

I think her behaviour should be confronted and dealt with. I would not let it go, that's for sure and I don't understand the OPs reasoning for doing so if all she says is true.

What I was saying (badly probably) is she seems to have problems with lots of people and, if there is something going on for her then shunning her won't help

It does seem to be a b1tchy place to work and she may well deliberately exclude herself from all the cliques (I probably would!), but if there is more to it then shunning her and avoiding issues like this won't help.

sedment

Tygermoth wrote: »

Our 'thingy' moans that no one invites her out, that all the teams shun her and everyone is against her. (she is in a team of one because of the problems she has had with 'bullying' in my humble opinion as a person who has been bullied at work in this case 'bullying' means she was not getting her way)

But she is her own worst enemy. She whines about everything back stabs anyone who tries to be friendly and is a ball ache to be around. Her self interest and ability to make a mountain out of a molehill is legendary.

She is also sly, we had a young lass in as filing temp in for a couple of months and the poor girl looked very harassed and flustered the whole time she was with us. It turned out Thingy has appropriated her to do a large chunk of her tasks as well as the role. The manager was furious asked why a temp who had been charged with a team role had ended up doing her job. Thingy lied so spectacularly I was in awe. In the end she was so convincing that the Temp had not been asked to do all these tasks and it was a misunderstanding the matter was dropped. Poor temp girl was in tears and was so upset she never came back

I got Thingy for secret Santa this year (its a £20 gift) and i am tempted to put in a IOU like she has done for the last few staff meals out and get the team £20 of goodies. We had to buy all new festive decorations this year because she nicked last years but we cant accuse her, she also has conveniently forgotten the petrol money she owes me and one of the team and has persistently managed not to pay for Fridays McDonald's breakfast.

The woman drives me mental.

The secret santa, bit oh my god!!!I wish I had the balls to do something like that!!

sedment

Op, sounds like thingy has problems, either financial or pathological, and sounds like she has realised she has been caught out by you.
Would maybe expect a accusation of bullying or picking on by her in the near future, but would warn your manager anyway.
Thingy is probably mortified and will try to claim back a bit of power by getting you into trouble but if bosses are aware will show thingy up for the mental case she sounds.
Forewarned is forearmed!!

sedment

Would suggest next social lunch you have, make a agreement with the others that the cash has to be sorted out say, £30 a head enough to cover a meal and a few drinks while you are sitting at the table so if she doesnt hand over the cash she doesnt eat or drink and dont let her deal with handling any cash. That would give her the opportunity to nip to the bank at that point. Might put her off going out!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It can be hard to fit in if you are genuinely skint compared to the rest of the office. I couldn't keep up and was criticised for not joining in with constant whip rounds, buying cakes and suchlike. And the faces pulled when I couldn't put a tenner into somebody's present collection...

But I did say I couldn't do it. I still got looked at funny when a few purses went missing. Because I was the poor one. Fortunately, I was never alone in the office so couldn't be implicated.


Take money for food runs before you leave. For everybody. They won't mind. And leave it to petty cash to sub her for petrol. It's not your job.


If she is in debt to the extent that she can't do the things you take for granted, she needs to find help. I'd put stuff up on the staff notice board about debt helplines, drug, alcohol, domestic abuse, etc.

Just under the heading Useful Information. That way, the info is there and she can take advantage if she wants to.