Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

Sambucus_Nigra

Mojisola wrote: »

I can see that but it isn't a work issue. Would you get involved if it was an argument that had started at the school gates when parents were dropping their children off or similar situations?

Thingy may or may not have stolen from 15 colleagues. What's that got to do with school gates? I'm genuinely confused at the leap.

Mojisola

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Thingy may or may not have stolen from 15 colleagues. What's that got to do with school gates? I'm genuinely confused at the leap.

Just that it was a meal that wasn't a works do - it was arranged by people who happen to work together. If the same group of people have other disagreements outside of work - school gate, neighbour dispute, etc - would you also get involved to sort it out?

sassyblue

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

People get disciplined regularly for putting comments on facebook,during work time or making comments about work or colleagues? for baring their !!!!! at a Christmas do, It would be a works issue if it was the works Christmas party for buying goods in a supermarket when they were signed off sick;another work issue for all sorts of reasons. We see them every day over on the Employment board.

The OP's story is not a work issue, but we will have to agree to disagree.

duchy

Regardless it needs sorting as either Thingy genuinely forgot about the tip (from the description she just shoved the money in her bag and didn't count it) or she took more than she should ...or the waitress is dishonest (less likely as if Thingy had the money to tip her in cash she wouldn't have needed to go to the atm/pay by card)

It might even be Thingy realized later and was horribly embarassed and didn't feel she could go to this group that she's not really a part of because of her past history with the OP...... or is still blissfully unaware she ended up with more cash than she should have.

All this stuff about not believing the scarf/coffee part is ridiculous. I worked in food and beverage in the past and if a regular group suddenly didn't tip and one of the group popped in I'd have done exactly what he did.

Sambucus_Nigra

Mojisola wrote: »

Just that it was a meal that wasn't a works do - it was arranged by people who happen to work together. If the same group of people have other disagreements outside of work - school gate, neighbour dispute, etc - would you also get involved to sort it out?

That 'happen to work together' is the crux. They went from work, she was there because of work, and they went back to work. And if thingy cries 'witch-hunt' and takes a grievance out due to bullying, then it will be the managers that have to sort it out.

It's like when kids bully each other out of school. The teachers and the head would then invoke their bullying procedure once they are made aware of it. Because it's linked to school.

Lucy_Lastic

I hope the OP lets us know what happens. I was following another thread and when it reached the climax - nothing further from the OP, nowt, nada, not a word.
Very disappointing

Nicki

I agree with Sambucus that it would have been wise to tell a manager before sending the email. My reason for this is that although "thingy's" actions weren't in a work setting (and so I don't think any investigation or disciplinary action on the part of the employer would be justified), the fallout is going to have ramifications at work and that IS a work issue and one which OP may end up being disciplined for.

If two workers had a very serious fight at the school gates (ie a physical fight or a serious incident where police were involved) yes I would expect one or both of them to make this known to management at work if there was any chance at all that the bad feeling would spill over into the workplace. The same if one worker went out for a drink with another after work and was sexually assaulted, for example.

On the basis of what OP has posted, I'm coming to the conclusion that whether she knows it or not, that "thingy's" initial complaint that OP was workplace bully is in fact justified. OP has deliberately done everything she can to ensure that "thingy" is from now on ostracised in the workplace by at least everyone who attended that lunch, without any opportunity to defend herself. "Thingy" was orginally excluded from the invite to lunch which was a large group, I strongly suspect because of the antipathy between her and OP. My guess is that thingy would have been one of very few people left in the department eating her sandwich at her desk had she not become aware of the lunch, and that she would have known the meal was happening and she had not been asked. When "thingy" turned up at the lunch, OP ostentatiously took herself off to the other end of the table.

I would guess there are things OP does at work, and ways in which she has handled certain situations (this being a prime example) which others think is less than perfect. Fortunately perhaps for OP her colleagues aren't displaying all the maturity of 12 year old high school biatches and cutting her dead in the office and spreading malicious rumours about her, based on what is at best equivocal evidence.

HeadAboveWater

I know Lucy! I was following that other thread too!!

Sambucus_Nigra

Nicki wrote: »

I agree with Sambucus that it would have been wise to tell a manager before sending the email. My reason for this is that although "thingy's" actions weren't in a work setting (and so I don't think any investigation or disciplinary action on the part of the employer would be justified), the fallout is going to have ramifications at work and that IS a work issue and one which OP may end up being disciplined for.

Thank you - we don't always see eye to eye but I agree 100% on what you have said.

Takeaway_Addict

I'm just surprised the OP is on here asking for help, normally she gives pretty good advice on the employment forum so I would have expected her to know what to have done.

Me personally? I would have got the owner/manager of the bar to write down that no tip was provided, gathered information from the other regular members of the group as to how much was given and then gone to the manager (maybe with another colleague) and let them deal with it.

Whilst it was outside work its still a work matter and unfortunately whilst unfair on the employer something they will need to sort out.