Not 'doing' Santa

OrkneyStar

Person_one wrote: »

What about to the person you're dealing with?

In what context? Can you rephrase, not sure I understand and don't want to answer wrong q!
Thanks .

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My son never did. He's the only teenager I have brought up.

Didn't you say he has Asperger's though?

A 13 year old boy on the autistic spectrum is a world away from an emotional 13 year old girl!

Hence, no black and white, every situation is unique and requires a unique response.

pulliptears

So we have established this....

Your wedding dress is like a trifle
Your baby resembles Winston Churchill
The new wife is a stunner, much better than you love
No dear that dress is horrid
Hey Muldoon how's it going
Santa? No sweetie its your Dad.

Tongue in cheek perhaps, but for all the above reasons I'm happy to be a liar

thatgirlsam

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My son never did. He's the only teenager I have brought up.

I would say he was a fairly unusual teenager then. Good for him though!

Most teens care what their peers think of them

Person_one

OrkneyStar wrote: »

In what context? Can you rephrase, not sure I understand and don't want to answer wrong q!
Thanks .

You're focusing on the wrong person, it doesn't matter how you or I feel about telling someone they look fine, or their baby is cute, its how they feel hearing it that matters.

thatgirlsam

pulliptears wrote: »

So we have established this....

Your wedding dress is like a trifle
Your baby resembles Winston Churchill
The new wife is a stunner, much better than you love
No dear that dress is horrid
Hey Muldoon how's it going
Santa? No sweetie its your Dad.

Tongue in cheek perhaps, but for all the above reasons I'm happy to be a liar

You forgot - yes.. that IS the biggest one I've ever seen!

pulliptears

thatgirlsam wrote: »

You forgot - yes.. that IS the biggest one I've ever seen!

lmao
:T:T:T:T:T

OrkneyStar

Person_one wrote: »

You're focusing on the wrong person, it doesn't matter how you or I feel about telling someone they look fine, or their baby is cute, its how they feel hearing it that matters.

I have to disagree here. I think it is a combination of both, trying to figure out how they will feel on hearing it and how I will feel saying it.
This is what I was getting at about tact, to me it is important to be honest, but really important that the person hearing it knows why I am saying it and 99.9% of the time that is not to hurt them. I refuse to subscribe to saying what they want to hear just for the sake of it, especially if it is about something superficial.
I respect honesty from others too, despite it not always being easy to hear, if it is for my good in the long term.
I still struggle with the whole spots one though, clearly that is a sensitive issue to start with! .

OrkneyStar

pulliptears wrote: »

So we have established this....

Your wedding dress is like a trifle
Your baby resembles Winston Churchill
The new wife is a stunner, much better than you love
No dear that dress is horrid
Hey Muldoon how's it going
Santa? No sweetie its your Dad.

Tongue in cheek perhaps, but for all the above reasons I'm happy to be a liar

Noone has said any of the above, good on ya for injecting some humour though....you forgot, 'actually your dad is the milkman'

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Didn't you say he has Asperger's though?

A 13 year old boy on the autistic spectrum is a world away from an emotional 13 year old girl!

Hence, no black and white, every situation is unique and requires a unique response.

Yes he has, but we did not know this when he was a teenager.

When he was about seven, we bought him a very nice jacket from a jumble sale. Being the straightforward young man he is, he saw no reason why he should not tell all and sundry this fact. He got teased and bullied over it all that day, and came home from school not wanting to wear the coat again.

I said he did not have to wear the coat if he didn't want to, and asked him some questions. Did he mind the coat being from a jumble sale? He said no. Did he mind how much we had paid for it? He said no. Did he think it was better that he had the coat rather than it being thrown away? He said yes. I left it at that and just repeated that he didn't have to wear the coat if he didn't want to. He came downstairs the following morning wearing the coat and never again took any notice of what other people thought he should be wearing, never has to this day.

I appreciate a hormonal 13-year-old female may react differently, but I still think all you can do is make her feel better and more confident about herself, not try to pretend her spots don't exist.