Not 'doing' Santa

Person_one

OrkneyStar wrote: »

I do consider people's feelings a lot of the time, what I am saying is that we cannot possibly analyse the effect of every single comment we make! On further thought, part of my not wanting to lie, I think, comes from not wanting to lull anyone into believing something false, a false sense of security so to speak. So it isn't simply self-satisfying.

You use your best judgment, based on the situation. Sometimes that's a white lie.

thatgirlsam

notanewuser wrote: »

When people post on here or visit counsellors because they've been hurt by somebody or something somebody has said they are told that they (the hurt person) are responsible for their own feelings, not others (and I agree). When my husband mentioned something about my tummy 2 weeks after a traumatic birth (where I hadn't previously thought about what would happen when baby was no longer pulling it tight as a drum) I was hurt and upset. He didn't mean it to be hurtful, but that's how I chose to take it.

You appear to be arguing the opposite.

Your husbands an 4rse

Mojisola

I think the people who refuse to tell the little white lies underestimate other people's ability to read between the lines.

You might think you're being honest - to me it feels more like a lie of omission.

thatgirlsam

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

OK, then, no-one whose opinion they care about thinks less of them over it.

Also a lie!!

Of course she cares what her peers think!

Not saying she is right to care but she does. It's normal at that age.

And they do look as bad as she thinks.. I've seen them!

OrkneyStar

Mojisola wrote: »

I think the people who refuse to tell the little white lies underestimate other people's ability to read between the lines.

You might think you're being honest - to me it feels more like a lie of omission.

Why ? Can you explain your last line more, genuinely interested in how you draw that conclusion and prepared to have a lightbulb (cannot find the wee lightbulb!) moment!

OrkneyStar

Person_one wrote: »

You use your best judgment, based on the situation. Sometimes that's a white lie.

To you it is a white lie, to me it isn't .

notanewuser

Person_one wrote: »

I think people are responsible for the things they say, your husband's comment was hurtful and thoughtless. If its easier for you to blame yourself for feeling hurt by it then that's up to you.

I prefer to go through life considering other people's feelings where possible rather than disregarding them as 'not my problem'.

It's not about disregarding people's feelings AT ALL. I have in the past put my foot in it more times than I would have liked to, and have been lucky to always be forgiven unconditionally, because the recipient could tell that that really wasn't what I meant.

I try to have that outlook with others, and I never ask questions that I don't want a totally honest answer to!!

Person_one

OrkneyStar wrote: »

To you it is a white lie, to me it isn't .

What about to the person you're dealing with?

notanewuser

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Your husbands an 4rse

He was, I agree!!!

He's one of 4 brothers - women are a bit of a mystery to them!!

seven-day-weekend

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Also a lie!!

Of course she cares what her peers think!

Not saying she is right to care but she does. It's normal at that age.

And they do look as bad as she thinks.. I've seen them!

My son never did. He's the only teenager I have brought up. If his 'friends' had have fallen out with him over something like spots, he'd have realised they were not really his friends at all and got on with his life. I hope I'd have brought a daughter up to see this too,