Not 'doing' Santa

OrkneyStar

CH27 wrote: »

This thread is so blooming sad. People trying to score points & get validation of their actions & words.

Nope, people coming from different view points and discussing it. And most of us have been quite civil. Despite not always agreeing, other opinions are always good to think about!

thatgirlsam

CH27 wrote: »

This thread is so blooming sad. People trying to score points & get validation of their actions & words.

Eh??

What yoo talking bout Willis

It's called a discussion?

Person_one

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Like I said, that IS a hard one.

I don't understand what's hard about it, surely its a no brainer?

If Sam said had said anything other than 'fine' what could her daughter have done about it? Absolutely nothing, so there's no point in being honest when the only result will be that she feels bad.

There are situations where honesty about appearance is the right thing to do, if the person can easily change the thing that doesn't look great, or if you can save them from unkind comments from other people, but if the only outcome is someone feeling bad, why would you even consider being honest?

thatgirlsam

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

To say she asked about her face is a bit disingenuous though. Her mum knows given her age and the appearance of spots she's specifically asking about the acne, not her eyebrows etc even if its not verbalised. She might not ask directly "do my spots look bad" but that question is implicit in the original question. One presumes on weeks when spots aren't an issue she doesn't ask if her face is fine then.

Thatgirlsam as an aside does your DD wear make up? Considering I was still having breakouts in my 30s I have found mineral make up (Lily Lolo, elemental beauty) have helped my spots no end. I appreciate some of it is hormonal but the zinc contained made a big difference to my breakouts.

She really doesn't like to wear make-up and that's fine with me

That might change given that she is 13. She has just started her periods so hopefully this will settle down with time. She is ok with it... she just needed a bit of reassurance this morning!

OrkneyStar

Person_one wrote: »

I don't understand what's hard about it, surely its a no brainer?

If Sam said had said anything other than 'fine' what could her daughter have done about it? Absolutely nothing, so there's no point in being honest when the only result will be that she feels bad.

There are situations where honesty about appearance is the right thing to do, if the person can easily change the thing that doesn't look great, or if you can save them from unkind comments from other people, but if the only outcome is someone feeling bad, why would you even consider being honest?

See I still struggle with not being honest, despite knowing in some cases there appear to be valid reasons to lie or stretch the truth (in this case to not upset her daughter). For me that would be hard. That is all I am saying. I am not saying I am right, just acknowledging I would find it hard!

balletshoes

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Eh??

What yoo talking bout Willis

It's called a discussion?

:rotfl::rotfl: that just made me chortle

seven-day-weekend

About the acne thing, I'd just have said, 'you're fine', or 'everything is fine', or something like that, nto specifically mentioning her spots.

If I'd have been asked specifically about the spots I'd have said, 'You are fine, don't worry about them, most people your age have them', something to that effect. You can't pretend they look wonderful when they don't! Maybe some people can, but I can't. (In fact , sometimes I have asked my husband to say things, because he can bull$4it better than me).

Person_one

OrkneyStar wrote: »

See I still struggle with not being honest, despite knowing in some cases there appear to be valid reasons to lie or stretch the truth (in this case to not upset her daughter). For me that would be hard. That is all I am saying. I am not saying I am right, just acknowledging I would find it hard!

I don't mean to be harsh here, but with that reasoning you are thinking of yourself, of how you feel, rather than what is the best thing to do for the other person.

Does it make it easier when you think of a white lie as a kindness, as something you do for the sake of someone else rather than as something you are doing that's 'wrong'?

Life is just not simple or straightforward enough for a 'no lies ever' rule!

thatgirlsam

OrkneyStar wrote: »

See I still struggle with not being honest, despite knowing in some cases there appear to be valid reasons to lie or stretch the truth (in this case to not upset her daughter). For me that would be hard. That is all I am saying. I am not saying I am right, just acknowledging I would find it hard!

You would really find it hard to reassure your child?

I don't think you would to be honest, it is a mothers instinct

OrkneyStar

Person_one wrote: »

I don't mean to be harsh here, but with that reasoning you are thinking of yourself, of how you feel, rather than what is the best thing to do for the other person.

Does it make it easier when you think of a white lie as a kindness, as something you do for the sake of someone else rather than as something you are doing that's 'wrong'?

Life is just not simple or straightforward enough for a 'no lies ever' rule!

I have said already it is not so much 'reasoning' just something inside that stops me, so much so that if I try I'd sound so insincere it would be pointless.
I used to be able to lie when I was younger, was fairly ok at it as it went.

thatgirlsam wrote: »

You would really find it hard to reassure your child?

I don't think you would to be honest, it is a mothers instinct

It would be a battle I think, against the thing that just won't let me lie, and the thing about wanting my child to be reassured and happy.
That is the only way I can explain it. My instinct, if you want to call it that, is pulled both ways! :(
Honestly I am not getting at you, I fully appreciate your explanation of the spots scenario.