Not 'doing' Santa

OrkneyStar

pulliptears wrote: »

Here's one. Picture a small child, aged around 4. He's been ill on and off throughout his short life with a brain tumor.

The tumor returns just after his 4th birthday and he says "Mummy am I going to die"

Do you use the white lie and let him live out the rest of his days happily and worry free, or do you tell him the truth and let him worry.

I would tell him the truth, honestly.
I am not saying it would be easy, however children are surprisingly resilient and accepting too. Also I think that the child may start to realise themselves, especially if treated different to siblings, friends, getting lots of treats etc.

ETA That must be a horrible horrible situation to be in, this is an extreme example, and I would wish anyone going through that some peace and happiness, however they chose to proceed!

Person_one

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Suggested responses in red .

All completely transparent, sorry. The first one especially could leave someone feeling insecure all day.

OrkneyStar

mumps wrote: »

I hate it when people say something like, "not to my taste but we are all different." I feel more insulted than if they say, "No, its vile."

Why? Aren't we all entitled to like different things?
What I hate is when someone asks for an 'honest' opinion, and then hates it when they get one (like the time a friend asked us what we thought of her skin tight trousers, and both me and another friend could not lie. She stormed off saying 'well I like them'. Fair enough, but we didn't. Both me and other friend came to our opinion independently).

Person_one wrote: »

All completely transparent, sorry. The first one especially could leave someone feeling insecure all day.

But it is not my job to make someone else feel secure by lying to them, surely?

Person_one

OrkneyStar wrote: »

But it is not my job to make someone else feel secure by lying to them, surely?

Its not your job, but its much kinder, does that not matter to you?

Why is the refusal to tell any white lie more important than the other person's feelings? Nobody's actually answered the 'why' bit yet.

mumps

"Does this dress look ok on me?" if they're just walking into a wedding or interview and there's no way they can change it, just say 'yes'. response- do you feel ok? The problem with me would be I am asking because I don't feel OK and I want some reassurance.

"Is my ex husband's new wife prettier/cleverer than me?" Just say no. response- we are all good at different things surely? Not been in this position but personally I wouldn't be interested in what she is good at but I would want to know (like Mohammed Ali) I am the prettiest.

"Isn't my baby one of the cutest you've ever seen?" Just yes, always! response- no my baby was the cutest lol, laughing with wink! seriously aren't babies great? Well a mix of the two would be great, obviously this is the cutest baby you have ever seen with the exception of your own. One of mine looked pretty hideous for several weeks after a particularly nasty delivery. I could still weep when I think back to the comments people made when trying to be polite but not lie. Why didn't they just say he was gorgeous? He was a few weeks later but when I was weepy and worried about him a bit of positivity wouldn't really have hurt them, would it? Just wanted to add if they couln't just lie it would have been better if they had said something like, "When the brusing and swelling goes he is going to be as handsome as his brothers." Which would have been honest but positive.

Bitsy_Beans

quinechinoise wrote: »

Sorry, I think I'm confused too. I'm no longer sure what the original post said as the bit I quoted isn't what I recall reading. I was trying to differentiate between Christmas and Christian: Rudolf/Santa songs being Christmas and anything mentioning God being Christian. You're correct: a song isn't necessarily a carol/hymn but a carol/hymn is a song.

I was just thinking about the "festive spirit" of being lectured at the Kirk of St Nicholas, not long before Christmas, about the "evils" of singing non-religious Christmas songs! It was a long time ago and the good reverend was easily about 4 generations out of touch with us kids. I suppose the confusion is what I get for parroting an old sermon that I didn't pay much attention to in the first place!

Just to clarify......one of my posts made reference to happy memories of me at school singing Christmas songs like Santa got stuck up the chimney. iPad corrected my poor spelling to Christian songs which I assumed was where quinechinoise mentioned that Christian songs would be carols.

That's as far as my comprehension goes :rotfl:

peachyprice

OrkneyStar wrote: »

"Does this dress look ok on me?" if they're just walking into a wedding or interview and there's no way they can change it, just say 'yes'. response- do you feel ok?

"Is my ex husband's new wife prettier/cleverer than me?" Just say no. response- we are all good at different things surely?

:rotfl::rotfl:

Those responses are so flakey and totally transparent and are really in complete opposition to your attempt to portray your self as a totally honest person. Pah.

mumps

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Why? Aren't we all entitled to like different things?
What I hate is when someone asks for an 'honest' opinion, and then hates it when they get one (like the time a friend asked us what we thought of her skin tight trousers, and both me and another friend could not lie. She stormed off saying 'well I like them'. Fair enough, but we didn't. Both me and other friend came to our opinion independently).

And like I said I would have preferred the honest answer to the one you originally suggested which always feels like a smack in the face.

pulliptears

OrkneyStar wrote: »

I would tell him the truth, honestly.
I am not saying it would be easy, however children are surprisingly resilient and accepting too. Also I think that the child may start to realise themselves, especially if treated different to siblings, friends, getting lots of treats etc.

ETA That must be a horrible horrible situation to be in, this is an extreme example, and I would wish anyone going through that some peace and happiness, however they chose to proceed!

It is an extreme example and the child in it is my cousin, James who died just short of his 6th birthday.

James never knew he was dying and as such lived out the time he had happily and carefree without the cloud of death hanging over him. Being honest with him would have led to 2 years of a small boy wondering when death was going to come for him.

OrkneyStar

Person_one wrote: »

Its not your job, but its much kinder, does that not matter to you?

Why is the refusal to tell any white lie more important than the other person's feelings? Nobody's actually answered the 'why' bit yet.

If I said 'no you look crap' that would be unkind, if I said 'you look great' and she didn't that would be unkind too. How about we turn it round and see if she is being unkind by asking me that question at that time (would it not be better to ask earlier, and also would your example actually happen?). I am starting to understand how men feel when women say 'how do I look?' ten mins after you should have left the house lol :cool:

I have tried to answer earlier about 'why' I don't really lie, honestly, the best response I can give is I just can't (believe me I realise some times it is easier to!). It is not to be nasty though, not set out to hurt or make someone feel bad, that would be un-kind. Of course sometimes it is easier to keep your mouth shut if the situation doesn't force a response, and random offerings of opinion are not necessary imho, if not asked.