why cant my brother commit?

Mado

Person_one wrote: »

If you just want to talk about your own life, that's fine, but you were talking about other people, people like me, and how our lives make you sad and how we can't possibly know that we're unhappy. So yes, sorry, but its patronising.

No. You are choosing to read it in a given way; there is no notion that you are unhappy; it's only your interpretation. Life isn't that black and white, and because you haven't experienced something that is overall positive doesn't make you unhappy.

Person_one

Mado wrote: »

No. You are choosing to read it in a given way; there is no notion that you are unhappy; it's only your interpretation. Life isn't that black and white, and because you haven't experienced something that is overall positive doesn't make you unhappy.

I won't go on about it, but maybe you could try looking at your post from my point of view. I'm not 'choosing' anything.

Sambucus_Nigra

Mado wrote: »

No. You are choosing to read it in a given way; there is no notion that you are unhappy; it's only your interpretation. Life isn't that black and white, and because you haven't experienced something that is overall positive doesn't make you unhappy.

Perhaps being single IS the positive experience. And yes, you were being slightly patronising.

SandC

OP I would get this notion of being 'scared' of commitment out of your head for one thing. If something feels right with someone and you both want to live together and/or marry then you'll do it. If you both don't feel that way then you won't. It's not a conscious decision, just as the way you feel about someone isn't - sometimes we fall for the most unlikely of people. Such is life.

As for being uncompromising. Well, in my relationships (never lived with anyone either) I have always been the one doing all the compromising. I am a very giving and supportive person. Just see how much running around after everyone in their lives a single older person does........ as much as anyone in a family situation for sure.

Most of us in this situation don't have rules in our heads about it all. If we really were so selfish and stubborn we'd have no friends either.

Mado

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Perhaps being single IS the positive experience.

But you can't be sure of that if you have never experienced the alternative.

barbarawright

Mado wrote: »

But you can't be sure of that if you have never experienced the alternative.

Lots of people in couple have never been single since they were about 15. Mysteriously they still feel they have the right to pontificate about how great their life is compared to that of a sad, lonely singleton. Maybe being married is better than being single (I have my doubts after reading some threads here - certainly being unhappily married is worse than being unhappily single). Doesn't mean singletons aren't happy. Or should I assume you're unhappy because your neighbour might be in a slightly better situation than you?

And yes, you are being patronising.

Mado

barbarawright wrote: »

Lots of people in couple have never been single since they were about 15. Mysteriously they still feel they have the right to pontificate about how great their life is compared to that of a sad, lonely singleton. Maybe being married is better than being single (I have my doubts after reading some threads here - certainly being unhappily married is worse than being unhappily single). Doesn't mean singletons aren't happy. Or should I assume you're unhappy because your neighbour might be in a slightly better situation than you?

And yes, you are being patronising.

I lived on my own until I was 28 and was perfectly happy, and I know enough happy single people who have been in relationships before to form my own opinion. At least they can see both sides. And no, I don't think I have ever pontificated to a single person on how better my life was.

I completely agree that it's better to be single than in a bad relationship.
It sounds to me like the people who have never experienced both are a little touchy on the subject.
I speak from my own experience; having experienced both.

I am deaf from one ear; so I've never heard stereo. I don't miss it, as I have no idea what it's like. Yet, I don't knock it for others. Because I have no idea what it feels like.

You say yourself it's because "nobody asked you". So presumably, it isn't a deliberate choice you made.
Also, I don't think you are ever too old to try if you meet the right person.

fizz

Back to the original post.........
OP-Is your brother happy with not having an 'OH'? If he is then I don't see the problem. If not, then maybe you could have a chat with him. Obviously I don't know the circumstances of what it was like when you were both growing up, but if your parents were unhappy then perhaps this has coloured his view about relationships. Maybe you expect him to be settled because that is what you have and you want the same for him. Some people are happy to be on their own because they haven't found the one that they click with....some people never do but that is okay IF THEY can live with it.
I reckon that your brother is lucky to have a sibling like you, even if it's none of your business at least you care.

fizz.x

scooby088

I lived on my own until 3 years ago, I am now living my partner and her kids in my family house, I wouldn't change it for a minute in all honesty. But I have been single and living on my own quite happily for over 10 years in all honesty I can see advantages to both situations.

Personally I feel if you meet someone and want to commit to them then do it, if you don't then don't do it, simple thing is no one shouldn't condemn anyones lifestyle choice it's obvious the OP's brother isn't too worried about commitment any why should he?

Person_one

Mado wrote: »

But you can't be sure of that if you have never experienced the alternative.

Most single people haven't always been single!

I've lived with someone I was in love with at the time. I'm happier on my own.

I'm glad you're happy with your partner, but don't assume that what makes you happy is what should make everybody else happy too.

I can't quite believe people can be truly happy without a dog or two welcoming them home every night, but some insist they are, or that they don't even like dogs! Shocking to me, especially when some have never experienced owning a dog, but I suppose they know their own minds and feelings better than I do, eh?