why cant my brother commit?

krlyr

One of my brothers (living on his own in a very nice rented apartment - hasn't bought as he moved into the area for work so wasn't sure he was going to stay and now unfortunately for him the prices in the area boomed and he couldn't afford anywhere nearly as nice if he bought rather than rented) isn't in any hurry to move his girlfriend in either. He wouldn't "commit" in the same way to his previous girlfriend (of a few years) and she left him - but I know there was more to the story, e.g. her still having feelings for an ex, her mother not approving of my brother/playing games with manufacturing situations where the girlfriend would see the ex, etc. as the mother preferred the ex and so on.
Maybe your brother has good reason to not commit to those particular partners that he chooses not to make public/share with you. Maybe he just realised after a while that they weren't that compatible. Maybe he doesn't want to live with anyone. But it's his decision and his "problem" to worry about, if there's a problem.

VestanPance

I find anyone who gets to a certain age and has never lived with anyone, or who has been single out of choice for a long time, tends not to want that level of commitment.

You can call it fear of commitment or being selfish, but I find they tend to be unwilling to compromise and tend to be very stubborn on the I'll do what I want style of living. If that's what they want then fair enough, as long as they are open with people that that is what they are like.

barbarawright

VestanPance wrote: »

I find anyone who gets to a certain age and has never lived with anyone, or who has been single out of choice for a long time, tends not to want that level of commitment.

You can call it fear of commitment or being selfish, but I find they tend to be unwilling to compromise and tend to be very stubborn on the I'll do what I want style of living. If that's what they want then fair enough, as long as they are open with people that that is what they are like.

Of course, no married person refuses to compromise. Ever. I must have imagined the dozens of threads on that very subject. For some people, singleness is imposed on them - not everyone is physically attractive or able to bag a partner - and for some it's a lifestyle choice. Bit of both for me I think. But I don't try to impose my lifestyle on anyone else and rather resent the implication of selfishness.

trolleyrun

VP,

Am I selfish for staying single? Possibly. However, I'm selfless enough to not lead anyone on or claiming to intend to do anything when I don't mean it. I'm selfish only when it comes to "me" time and generous with everything else. Make of that what you want

peachyprice

OP, why does it bother you?

dandelionclock30

In this day and age few people stay with each other for life anyway.People get bored after a while and then have affairs split up and move on.
Some people stay married but still do what they want anyway. Maybe your brother sees committment as being a load of rubbish which it is and prefers a more honest carry on.
I dont know of any marriages or long term relationships that have lasted out of my age range- 40s.

miduck

VestanPance wrote: »

I find anyone who gets to a certain age and has never lived with anyone, or who has been single out of choice for a long time, tends not to want that level of commitment.

You can call it fear of commitment or being selfish, but I find they tend to be unwilling to compromise and tend to be very stubborn on the I'll do what I want style of living. If that's what they want then fair enough, as long as they are open with people that that is what they are like.

I am intrigued as to how much experience you have on this subject?

As one of those people that chooses to live alone, I find your your comments quite hilarious! Yes, I do what I want, but equally I will drop everything if a friend needs me. Also I have an uncle who, now in his late sixties, has never married. He is the most content person I know, and fills his time with voluntary work and seeing friends.

Too many people commit to another because it is what is expected of them. That saddens me. It is far better to let people be as they are, and not make silly assumptions about them because of their life choices.

Hermia

red_devil wrote: »

what makes people scared to settle down?

Why do you assume everyone wants to settle down? As others have said, it's only a problem if your brother is secretly yearning for Miss Right to come along.

I know lots of people who have never felt the urge to settle. I also think some blokes who don't want kids don't really see that there is much in it for them. I work with a couple of guys in their 50s who have never wanted kids and are quite capable of cooking their own meals and looking after themselves. They like women and have had long-term relationships but they both feel the cons of a relationship outweigh the pros.

pleasedelete

Is it any of your business? You sound highly judgemental like your life choices are better than his. They are not better or worse just different.some people chose to live alone and others chose to marry. Some chose to have children an others don't. No way is right or wrong.

Have you considered why it obviously bothers you so much? Are you jealous of him?

fluffnutter

Sorry to ask but what's it got to do with you?