why cant my brother commit?

FBaby

When you said he had a girlfriend for 7 years but wouldn't commit, do you mean to living together, getting married? Afterall, if they were together for that long, it was some form of commitment, just a limited one, and that could be for many reasons as simple as she was too messy to share a house with her.

peachyprice

VestanPance wrote: »

You can call it fear of commitment or being selfish, but I find they tend to be unwilling to compromise and tend to be very stubborn on the I'll do what I want style of living. If that's what they want then fair enough, as long as they are open with people that that is what they are like.

Or you could just call it being content and happy with their own company.

It's sad that you see people who choose to be single to be flawed in some way, just because the don't want to conform to a lifestyle foisted upon them by society. How very narrow minded.

fluffnutter

VestanPance wrote: »

You can call it fear of commitment or being selfish, but I find they tend to be unwilling to compromise and tend to be very stubborn on the I'll do what I want style of living. If that's what they want then fair enough, as long as they are open with people that that is what they are like.

So single people are selfish, unwilling to compromise and stubborn? And your last comment makes it sound like they need to 'fess up, like some sort of relationship criminal.

Person_one

red_devil wrote: »

what makes people scared to settle down?

What makes some people so scared of being on their own that they'll 'settle' for anyone who'll have them?

If the choice is selfish, stubborn and alone or compromising, partnered and unhappy, I know which I'm choosing!

VestanPance

Oh look I've woken the self defence lynch mob on who project their own fears onto something.

I never said someone can't be content on their own, but then if that person gets in a "relationship" like the OP's brother they aren't on their own are they? Add to that one of his relationships was seven years. Now you are shopping in the shallowest of pools if you are looking for a long term partner who will never live with you. So in that regard he is either commitment phobic, is a touch bonkers and stringing someone along for years as he wasn't actually that interested in them, or was being selfish thinking they'd hang around anyway despite this obviously being a sore point with their partner.

If you are a super happy live alone single you aren't going out and getting into relationships are you? And if you do want a relationship, but never to live together that is something you better be up front about from the off. In most cases you wouldn't make seven dates, never mind seven years.

365days

Have to disagree with you there. Maybe the girl who he was having the realtionship with didn't want to live with someone either.

More and more relationships, are with people who live apart. I think this is due people having their own lifes and lifestyles and are actually happy 'living' alone but still want a partner. In this day and age many people (most significantly women) are capable of supporting a household on their own and CHOOSE to live apart, whilst being together. Personally I would be more than happy in my current circumstances to have a partner who was happy to maintain his own living arrangements whilst I kept mine. Hand me that net and waders!!!!

VestanPance

I've no doubt some want that sort of relationship, but they are certainly a minority group and should be upfront with anyone if that is their position as most will not see that as working long term relationship solution.

barbarawright

VestanPance wrote: »

Oh look I've woken the self defence lynch mob on who project their own fears onto something.

I never said someone can't be content on their own, but then if that person gets in a "relationship" like the OP's brother they aren't on their own are they? Add to that one of his relationships was seven years. Now you are shopping in the shallowest of pools if you are looking for a long term partner who will never live with you. So in that regard he is either commitment phobic, is a touch bonkers and stringing someone along for years as he wasn't actually that interested in them, or was being selfish thinking they'd hang around anyway despite this obviously being a sore point with their partner.

If you are a super happy live alone single you aren't going out and getting into relationships are you? And if you do want a relationship, but never to live together that is something you better be up front about from the off. In most cases you wouldn't make seven dates, never mind seven years.

Ah, so we're not all commitment phobic or selfish - some of us are bonkers :rotfl:

365days

I don't think I'd need to be up front to be fair. Because the type who wanted to move in after 3 weeks would be of no interest to me anyway. I don't know if you are single VP or how old you are, but the nature of realtionships within independant 40 pluses has changed a lot.

Person_one

VestanPance wrote: »

I've no doubt some want that sort of relationship, but they are certainly a minority group and should be upfront with anyone if that is their position as most will not see that as working long term relationship solution.

What makes you think the brother isn't being upfront?