why cant my brother commit?

VestanPance

365days wrote: »

I don't think I'd need to be up front to be fair. Because the type who wanted to move in after 3 weeks would be of no interest to me anyway. I don't know if you are single VP or how old you are, but the nature of realtionships within independant 40 pluses has changed a lot.

What does three weeks have to with it? Did I mention three weeks? Of course three weeks would be an absurd time for any person to move in with someone at that point they would hardly know. Three weeks is not a long term relationship, just a poor example to try and back up your argument.

If you are not upfront about something like that you are being deceitful. At some point a discussion is going to arise about where a relationship is going and if you've buried that information you quite possibly have wasted months or years where someone could have been searching for a more suitable partner.

Single, 40 and never having another relationship is my status.

VestanPance

Person_one wrote: »

What makes you think the brother isn't being upfront?

The part where the OP mentions his relationships have broken down as he won't commit.

Gloomendoom

fluffnutter wrote: »

Sorry to ask but what's it got to do with you?

He's her brother. She's worried about him.

marisco_2

red_devil wrote: »

What makes people scared to settle down?

Not finding someone who is a good match. Not being sure of what you really want from life. Not wanting a really settled life and childen. Not everyone is cut out for committing their life to one person, some are just free spirits. If he seems happy with his lot I would leave him to it and just embrace who and how he is.

Person_one

VestanPance wrote: »

The part where the OP mentions his relationships have broken down as he won't commit.

I'm pretty sure the OP wasn't party to all the intimate details!

Mado

Personally, I find it sad when people have spend their life without meeting anyone they feel comfortable sharing their lives (or a significant part of their lives with) because I value the companionship I have found and would feel that I'd missed out. But that's me.:D
Having said that, I'd rather be single than in a relationship that isn't right.

Person_one

Mado wrote: »

Personally, I find it sad when people have spend their life without meeting anyone they feel comfortable sharing their lives (or a significant part of their lives with) because I value the companionship I have found and would feel that I'd missed out. But that's me.:D
Having said that, I'd rather be single than in a relationship that isn't right.

I share my life with lots of people who I love, but not my home!

Don't feel sad for me, I really don't need or want you to, its rather patronising.

Mado

Person_one wrote: »

I share my life with lots of people who I love, but not my home!

Don't feel sad for me, I really don't need or want you to, its rather patronising.

No it isn't patronising.
As I said, it's my personal opinion based on my experience; I was perfectly happy before I found someone to share my life and my home with, but our companionship has fulfilled something hat I didn't know wasn't there.

kururunfa

For some people, getting married (or cohabiting, for that matter), just isn't a priority. If it happens, it happens, if the right person doesn't come along, they don't care. I was one of those people. My first long term relationship broke down because I refused to get married. I didn't want to make that big a commitment to that particular person, even though we were together 5 years. I'm married now (this time I just *knew* it was right), but still don't have kids (my partner doesn't want them, neither do I). My husband and I share a lot of hobbies, run a small business, and enjoy the freedom that our lifestyle provides.

Of my core circle of friends, two are single and in their late 30s/early 40s. The other two are married. One of the single ones has had a few failed relationships and is a bit down about it, the other one just doesn't care - he's got some strong, time consuming and expensive interests and I think the only way he'd make room for a woman in his life would be if she shared those interests.

The two that got married didn't meet their partners until they were in their late 20s/early 30s.

I think the traditional life script is becoming less important to a lot of people, and in a way it's a good thing. IMO it's better to see people choosing not to commit than getting married to the wrong person, and being unhappy for years/going through a massive divorce that could have been avoided.

Person_one

Mado wrote: »

No it isn't patronising.
As I said, it's my personal opinion based on my experience; I was perfectly happy before I found someone to share my life and my home with, but our companionship has fulfilled something hat I didn't know wasn't there.

If you just want to talk about your own life, that's fine, but you were talking about other people, people like me, and how our lives make you sad and how we can't possibly know that we're unhappy. So yes, sorry, but its patronising.