Help, i dont want to move but my husband really does.

tattycath

FWIW. It's all well and good saying Liverpool is only 2 hours away, what if OP is wrong & what if the illness is terminal-2 hours is a very long time if someone takes a turn for the worse. We weren't as far away as that when a loved one took a turn for the worse but by the time we got there it was too late.

Person_one

tattycath wrote: »

FWIW. It's all well and good saying Liverpool is only 2 hours away, what if OP is wrong & what if the illness is terminal-2 hours is a very long time if someone takes a turn for the worse. We weren't as far away as that when a loved one took a turn for the worse but by the time we got there it was too late.

The OP specifically said it wasn't terminal, we can't just start making up our own details!

tattycath

Person_one wrote: »

The OP specifically said it wasn't terminal, we can't just start making up our own details!

Very talented-not only a drama teacher but a doctor as well. Our loved one wasn't meant to be terminal either-turns out that wasn't the case after all.#
And I wasn't 'making up my own details' OP 'could' be wrong.

Mrs.W_2

As per post #71, the last three and a half pages have been an exercise in mutual frottage.

Dunroamin

tattycath wrote: »

FWIW. It's all well and good saying Liverpool is only 2 hours away, what if OP is wrong & what if the illness is terminal-2 hours is a very long time if someone takes a turn for the worse. We weren't as far away as that when a loved one took a turn for the worse but by the time we got there it was too late.

You could be "too late" if you were at work on the other side of the city in the rush hour.

You can't put your life on hold for months in the expectation of some kind of Dickensian death bed scene.

Marisco

Person_one wrote: »

That's just blatant emotional blackmail.

But again that could apply to the op as well! She could be saying "right, if you go, you go without us, so make your mind up who matters most"! I totally agree, he shouldn't have jacked his job in, but he could have been desperate, we just don't know. The op is hardly going to come on here and say that she refuses to listen or discuss it, is she?

The only way we could get the full picture, is if her oh came here and gave his side of the story, other than that, we just have to go on what she wrote, that's why these sorts of things always end up with speculation.

edeneve

Hello,
I feel for your husband it must be a difficult situation to be in as is mum is ill. However, it doesn't give him the right to put his family at risk and to pack his job in without even discussing it, it does sound like hes having a mid life crisis.

I am a single mum and have desperately wanted to move for last couple of years but as have teens aged now 15-19 have been unable to until they all finished school and college. I had to put THEM FIRST which is what your husband should be dong also. My family live in cumbria and I have missed them so much, I moved to where I lived 7 years ago but then after divorce got stuck here because of schools.

Moving from London to Liverpool is a big change I live 30 mins from Liverpool in cheshire and no offence I would not want to live there, i think your children would find it a major culture shock. The job market is terrible and getting worse and it is not a place I would personally raise children in-that being said there are some nice areas away from the centre.

If I were you I would let your husband go and just see what happens, cal it whatever you want, living apart temporaily, temprary seperation etc....but let him be there for his mum as he'll only resent you of you don't. You'll probably find out after a while reality kicks in and he misses you all so much he finds another way of being there for his mum. I wouldn't though move your children and yourself, I think you are going have to be the 'stability' while he is going through this because I think it is a mid life crisis brought about by his mothers illness. He may come through it and you all be more together for it or he may just lose it all.....whichever I would say you need to focus on the stability and noramility for your children and you and be there for your husband whenever he want to talk.

Hope it helps.

tattycath

Dunroamin wrote: »

You could be "too late" if you were at work on the other side of the city in the rush hour.

You can't put your life on hold for months in the expectation of some kind of Dickensian death bed scene.

This is very true, however, it 'seems' clear that the son would like to be closer to his mum as she is unwell. Nobody ever said that anyone is or should hold out for a 'Dickensian death bed scene' How theatrical are you! (rhetorical).

meritaten

Dunroamin wrote: »

You could be "too late" if you were at work on the other side of the city in the rush hour.

You can't put your life on hold for months in the expectation of some kind of Dickensian death bed scene.

What a nasty thing to say! If a loved one was ill you would want to do whatever you could to help them get better - and that wouldnt be easy from London to Liverpool.
Perhaps her OH actually loves his mum enough to want to care for her? take her to appointments etc? make sure she is eating, drinking, is warm enough? You cant do that from another city!
and if you had ever been at someone you loveds death bed - you wouldnt make light of it.

Dunroamin

meritaten wrote: »

What a nasty thing to say! If a loved one was ill you would want to do whatever you could to help them get better - and that wouldnt be easy from London to Liverpool.
Perhaps her OH actually loves his mum enough to want to care for her? take her to appointments etc? make sure she is eating, drinking, is warm enough? You cant do that from another city!
and if you had ever been at someone you loveds death bed - you wouldnt make light of it.

It certainly wasn't meant nastily, just realistic.

Even if he lived in the same city he wouldn't be able to do all those things as he'd be working and still have his own role as a father and husband to fulfill. Travelling up at weekends (which he could afford if he were working) would enable him to see his mother almost as much as if he lived near.

Unless you're another one who thinks that nobody with an ailing relative should hold down a job or have any kind of a life?