Help, i dont want to move but my husband really does.

Bogof_Babe

That's exactly what we did when my dad was in his final illness (that he suffered for about two years). As I was the local one, I did the looking after, and my sister would come down at weekends a couple of times a month, increasing to every weekend near the end, and we'd keep in touch by phone.

After dad died, mum moved up to a care home near my sister (I was burnt out by then, and grateful when sis offered to do her share). Then it was me who travelled up and down as often as possible to visit her.

Didn't feel like a "load of crap" - in fact it worked for us. Parents got looked after, daughters shared the responsibility. My sis was able to keep her job. I wasn't working by then, having taken redundancy a couple of years earlier so that I could look after the parents in their old age even before dad became ill.

Telephones are wonderful things .

Dunroamin

balletshoes wrote: »

thats the thing though Bogof-Babe, no-one knows what the OPs husband was planning or presuming, as he's not here on this thread, and the OP hasn't been back to tell us what his plans were. Who knows? He may have had a firm plan in place, money in the bank for them to fall back on until he got another job, wherever that was etc etc. We just don't know, because the OP hasn't told us. So its all just conjecture.

So, using the family's savings to let him do what he wants would mean that his actions were reasonable?

balletshoes

Dunroamin wrote: »

So, using the family's savings to let him do what he wants would mean that his actions were reasonable?

no, not at all - but my point is, none of us know what the OPs husband has planned (or not) as she hasn't told us.

poet123

runningwoman wrote: »

Just googled the train time and it is only a couple of hours, as Person One says :j Could he rent a room/take lodgings in Liverpool and then commute back at weekends or whatever works? Can work very well for some couples.

My OH commutes at least 3 times a week by train to London, the 7am train gets in at 9am, home on the 5.30pm. Much easier than being stuck in traffic commuting locally.

coolcait

Pthree wrote: »

While little information has been given I just get the feeling that the OP has told her OH one day, one day we will move there, and now that "one day" has come she is not willing to even consider it.

QUOTE]

I know what you mean.

If the OP made it absolutely clear to her OH, when they first met, that she has no intention of ever moving away from her family and friends - and if she has reiterated that point throughout the past 18 years - then he would have known exactly where he stood.

If the OP has spent the past 18 years saying that yes, maybe they'll move, some day (all the while knowing that she had absolutely no intention of doing so), then she has knowingly misled him for the best part of two decades.

In scenario one, I'd probably align myself with those who are calling the OH 'selfish'. In scenario 2, I'd have a lot more sympathy for the man, and very little for the OP. Given more information about the 'case', my views might change yet again.

The OP has done a fabulous job of giving us a few 'facts', appropriating a couple of 'reasons' hypothesised by others, and then leaving us all to view, and comment on, the situation - informed more by our own personal experiences, preconceptions and personalities than by anything she's actually told us!

It's good work

sue_sue_2

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Perhaps he had tried to raise the subject and it just fell on deaf ears? The poster didn't show much understanding of OH's feelings or care for her MIL's condition in her opening message.

When my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and that feeling stayed until she died. I immediately took time off work and moved in with her and, sorry, but nothing would have stopped me - not the thought of losing my job, my home or anything... it was just something I needed to do. Lucky for me though, my OH gave me his absolute support.

I clearly stated I felt selfish however I had to prioritise !!!

sue_sue_2

Hi all,
its been a while I thought i'd give you all an update. Thanks to everyone who was sympathetic and gave usefull advice. After working three of his four weeks notice my husband (soon to be ex) moved to liverpool. Despite me offering to drive OUR kids (using "our" for the earlier posters comments) up to liverpool to see him and their nan, he said he was to busy to see his kids.

It took his sister to text me for me to find out that his mum is now in remission- I gave him cards for his mum before he left which his sister tells me never got to her. Despite his mum being in remission me or the kids have not heard from him.

He apparently moved in with a new partner while I filled for a divorce. Yay !

His income was alot smaller than mine so I havent really missed it, especially as his car is not on our joint expenses.

Once again thanks for the help !!

sue_sue_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Really? Can't you imagine "Fine, go back to Liverpool but me and the kids are staying here".

I certainly did not force him, he was living in london when we met !!

sue_sue_2

Sorry for post after post but as I post this I am chatting with his sister, who is not speaking to him as when he met his new partner just two weeks after he left london , he became more obsessed with her then his mums treatment - IRONIC !

jenhug

Well it didn't take him long to show his true colours did it!