At breaking point...

daisychains12

Feel awful today. I don't want to say too much but he is sick and twisted and has no respect for women. What the f*ck did I ever see in him?! I hate him and everything about him. I cannot wait to be safe, to wake up alone and not have his slimey hands all over me 24/7 like I belong to him, but at the same time withholding cuddles etc whenever I am feeling a bit low "unless it ends in sex". Because whats the point in a cuddle if you can't finish it with sex?! The mans an idiot!!!! But still for some ridiculous reason I cannot gather the strength to actually leave, or even ring womens aid. I am jealous that so many women have the courage and strength to walk away and be 'free'. I just hope one day I can be one of them. I just long for the day I can be free.

marisco_2

You have the courage, strength and self esteem to see him for what he is. Nothing he says or does gets past you or is accepted by you as being normal and what you have to put up with. Sadly many women are so badly down trodden that they stop believing they deserve any better. You are not one of them.

I was one of those who walked away. Not till I had tolerated far too much for far too long. It is that fact that I have had most trouble dealing with. Why did I feel unable to just walk away sooner. Even now I cant answer that.

Walking away is far scarier to consider doing than the reality. The sheer immense relief you will feel when he is not in control of you, harming you will make it all worthwhile. Everything else can be sorted in time. Once you make that one brave step every step you take after that gets easier and easier I promise.

fannyadams

couldn't read and run

Stay strong YOU ARE WORTH IT you have your manager telling you that you are awesome. WE all think you are amazing.
as for the suddle/sex thing - it sounds like he's trying to get you pregnant again to get you away from work (can you surreptitiously take the pill or get a coil fitted without him knowing? I kept my pills at work and slipped the weekend ones into my handbag to take at home on the weekend).
PLEASE CALL WOMENS AID and talk to them. THEY ARE BRILLIANT (I am proof).

{{{{{Daisychains12}}}}}

Yorkie1

Happynowadays spam reported - multiple posts from new poster, to promote the same company.

sassyblue

daisychains12 wrote: »

Feel awful today. I don't want to say too much but he is sick and twisted and has no respect for women. What the f*ck did I ever see in him?! I hate him and everything about him. I cannot wait to be safe, to wake up alone and not have his slimey hands all over me 24/7 like I belong to him, but at the same time withholding cuddles etc whenever I am feeling a bit low "unless it ends in sex". Because whats the point in a cuddle if you can't finish it with sex?! The mans an idiot!!!! But still for some ridiculous reason I cannot gather the strength to actually leave, or even ring womens aid. I am jealous that so many women have the courage and strength to walk away and be 'free'. I just hope one day I can be one of them. I just long for the day I can be free.

EVERYONE has the strength to leave losers like your partner, they just don't THINK they do.

You'll be surprised by what you can do, really OP you will.

now what plans do you have? Time to make some..... You can do it,

Sagaris

I've not read your thread for a while - but I was once married to a disrespectful bigoted drunk scumbag, it just takes one thing (in my case knocking me out in front of my children) to change your mind and convince you to go. It sounds to me like you've had that moment - you deserve more than this.

If you don't go now, make it your New Year's Resolution so you have something to work towards?

Don't think you will never have a life, be miserable etc - I now have the nicest husband anyone could ever wish for, I really hope you can get away and build a new life for yourself.

desperatemumof6

I too am in the same boat as you, only with 6 under 12's and I don't work or have any friends or family.
My plan also involves getting Christmas out of the way first and I really am praying I don't have to leave him the content of my house and 12yrs of hard work!


Good luck to you, I hope soon we see a thread telling us its all worked out for you and your little boy. Xx

Corelli

Daisy,

you and your son need to start a life for yourselves that means leaving behind the fear and abuse, you can do it. I've not been there myself so the only practical advice I can offer that you have not had yet is using the computer privately.

If you use Firefox, go to the top left hand corner where it says Firefox and click the tiny arrow next to the words. Click on 'Start Private Browsing' and what ever sites you visit will not show up in the history - it's much easier than going through and deleting history. When you have finished, go back to the same little arrow, click on it and select 'Stop Private Browsing' and the websites you had up before will instantly appear.

You can do the same thing in Chrome. For that you go to the top RIGHT hand side of the screen and find a little symbol with three horizontal bars. Click on that and choose Open New Incognito Window. You can close that down quickly with the red X in the top right hand corner and what you have been looking at will not show up in the history.

I believe that people who really know their way around a computer can still go to the register to have a look but most people don't, AFAIK.

Sending you a virtual hug Daisy, and all the courage and determination, planning skills and luck you can find from anywhere.

Corelli X

kate1976

I do hope you find the courage to get support, you deserve freedom and happiness and the sooner you can get away the better for you and your son! You can do it, you're stronger than you think so don't ever think you're not good enough, take care and huge hugs

Paddles

So much of what you've written could have been me a few years ago. It was a terrible time in my life and I still can't believe it happened to me in a way. I was lucky in that a few things happened that forced my hand (although I didn't see it as being lucky at the time) and I had to leave and although I still have to deal with him because of his child he knows now he has no power over me at all and he treats me like he treated everyone who wasn't me when we were together (ie he's charming, a little bit smarmy and generally just makes you feel a bit like you've been slimed all over).

Anyway I really hope you can leave and soon, you won't be out on the streets and there are people that will help you, and it won't be long before you realise how much happier you are without him. Walking on egg shells everyday really isn't worth it - for my ex he'd get so angry about noise. I spent so much time trying to stop my children making too much noise because I knew it would set him off, that in the end I'd get cross with them when they were loud because I was scared... it was an awful way to live!