A bit of a difficult one...

Dunroamin

VickyV wrote: »

I think I'd be loading her into the car and driving her to the station about now and of course giving her a big hug and telling her that you love her but no tenough to let her try ruin your marriage!
x

A big hug and telling you love someone who tried to seduce your husband - I should coco!

Lotus-eater

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I wouldn't bother - in years to come she'll look back on this episode and cringe. That, and whatever immediate action her father sees fit will be punishment enough.

Yes and probably her actions will be to avoid you and your OH for ever.

If you want to stay in a comfortable relationship with her, you have to explain face to face gently what she did was wrong, you don't hold it against her, after all you are both the grown ups and did the right thing.

She won't be the first 17 yr old to do something stupid, especially where sex is concerned.

j.e.j.

NatalieH80 wrote: »

Well, I've just spoken to her father (who was completely unaware of what's happened!) and he's coming to collect her tonight. He doesn't expect to be here until about 1am but he's quite angry to say the least. I didn't want my husband to leave so I felt as though I had to do something tonight. My cousin isn't very happy but there's not much she can do about it.

Thank you once again for your responses. They've really helped me to put things in perspective.

I hope he's not angry with you, OP. I think you've behaved remarkably calmly considering what's happened.

Hopefully the girl's been collected by her dad and is gone by now. Obviously none of us here know her, but 17 is certainly old enough to take responsibility for your actions.

aileth

I wouldn't feel embarrassed for her if she had done that to me. I'd probably be on trial for murder for chucking her out the window, and to be honest to me it would feel like she had utterly no respect for me if, after letting her into my home, she decided to jump my husband. Hopefully her father gives her what for.

Amanda65

OP I am so pleased that your cousin's father has taken some responsibility for his daughter and come to get her. I hope that you and your OH will be able to relax again now and that family occasions won't prove difficult for you in the future.

As for 'Sarah' - I hope that she realises that one moment of madness has made her miss out of what could have been a great opportunity work wise as well as lost the trust and support of a family member. In years to come she will mull the incident over and no doubt realise what a thoroughly decent man your OH is. Well done you for taking control - it can't have been easy but it's amazing how the 'fighting' spirit comes out when it threatens those closest to you isn't it

Dunroamin

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Yes and probably her actions will be to avoid you and your OH for ever.

If you want to stay in a comfortable relationship with her, you have to explain face to face gently what she did was wrong, you don't hold it against her, after all you are both the grown ups and did the right thing.

Avoiding them for ever strikes me as a really good result!

How could you possibly stay in a "comfortable relationship" with someone who's tried to do this? Perhaps the next time she tries it on the marriage could be going through a rough patch and who knows what could happen.

Tropez

Not entirely identical but I was involved in a similar situation a few years back. I'd been tutoring a friend's daughter in some subjects she was struggling with and as her mother worked late on Fridays I'd pick her up from school, tutor her then let her watch TV, play on the Xbox or whatever else.

One day she made a pass at me. I said no. She got upset and didn't speak to me until her mother came to collect her. Very uncomfortable and awkward. Spent most of that evening trying to work out what the hell just happened.

I made an admitted mistake in not telling her mother when she came to collect her daughter. I felt like a deer trapped in the headlights, if I'm honest. Fortunately, both my partner and the mother were going on the same girly trip that night. My partner was going straight from work hence I hadn't seen her, but I did call her asking for advice figuring she'd been a 16 year old girl once and maybe she could help me deal with it. She didn't quite take it seriously though but the daughter eventually called her mother crying and embarrassed and told her the whole thing, which my partner was able to talk about with the mother.

The four of us were all able to sit down and discuss it. I felt bad about the whole thing. The daughter clearly had some issues and difficulties and we were able to slowly work them out. We managed to convince the daughter to see a counsellor to talk through these issues she was having. Fast forward to the present day and she's in a much better place, managed to secure a place at a good university after doing much better than expected on her A-Levels and seems to be coping much better with her problems.

In the OPs situation, the girl may have problems herself, or maybe she's just a bit of a cow. It's impossible to know for sure. What is likely though is that she will eventually feel very embarrassed about the whole situation and maybe she's feeling that way now. I think in my case, I was just the nice guy who was helping her do better for herself and would play games on the Xbox with her, and she misread that in her confused state as something else. I can only be thankful that it worked out well and that she didn't make her pass at someone who would have used her.

krlyr

I don't think a 17 year old is necessarily half as mature as people are implying. I know I made some poor choices at 17 (dropping out of college, leaving home, etc.) that I thought were good ideas at the time, but looking back, a lot of it was all just acting out because of my parents separation at the time. My younger brother went through a bit of a nightmare time a few years later when he was around 18, made lots of silly mistakes. She's still at college age - just think of all the immature pranks and things that Uni students do, with a year or two on her, I don't think 17 is really fully mature mentally.

And I'm probably going to make myself sound really old now but I have noticed how society seems to make affairs seem not a big deal - e.g. there are songs out that brush off marriage (Nicki Minaj - "I know he's got a wife at home but I just want a night alone" or whatever the lyrics are), soaps constantly showing affairs etc. - with that kind of message being constantly bombarded at them, I'm not surprised teenagers these days don't see much wrong with going after someone's hubby!

newcook

Im sure Im not the only one dying to ask……


What happened when the dad came to pick her up?!?!

I_know_my_ABC_and_my_CMYK

Morganarla wrote: »

Lets just say I was a 17 year old with extremely complex problems, including low self esteem, stemming from rejection by my parents due to my pregnancy with my daughter (who I then went on to lose), abandonment by my then fiance because of the loss of my daughter and then consequently being homeless and becoming hooked on drugs.

Yet despite all that, I had been brought up to know the difference between right and wrong, and I knew it the whole time of our whole affair (18 months long).

And I didn't care. When he tried to finish it, I threatened to tell her, to tell his in-laws, to tell the police that it had started when I was underage, all sorts. I could've destroyed their world so easily, mainly by telling lies.

And this is why the OP needs to get shot.

FWIW, I have come an awful long way since then, and I am nothing like this now. I am hugely ashamed of most of the things I did during that awful period in my life, but me getting the !!!!!! end of the stick in life did not justify me passing it on to others.

I have to say that I think you are very brave admitting this on a forum even though no one probably knows you.

Also good advice and wise words too. We can learn from our mistakes