A bit of a difficult one...

Sambucus_Nigra

NatalieH80 wrote: »

To top it all off, my husband is suggesting that he goes to stay with a friend until she's gone.

I don't blame him.

Morganarla

kitschkitty wrote: »

But in your case the man in question engaged in a relationship with you and I assume that made your life worse rather than better.

It actually made my life better. He was often around to keep me safe from my dealers (who I owed money to), he kept me fed, clothed, warm. Which was worth a lot ot me at the time (irrespective of what benefits he got from the arrangement, I am still grateful to him for those things). And he made me feel like I was loved again. I knew that he didn't love me and that he loved her, but I still enjoyed the pretence. And it continued long after I came off the drugs.

At least here the OP & her hubby (and the girls parents if they engage) have the opportunity to turn things around for this girl (or at least to try - and trying is the best anyone can do for someone else) and she doesn't have to continue down the wrong path, because if she just does end up back home and her parents don't help her deal with what happened (either by ignoring it or simply punishing her) it could all too easily be repeated with someone who's happy to take advantage of her and she could end up in a bad situation that's going to be a lot harder to sort out.

I think if someone had taken the softly, softly approach with me, I would've been even more likely to do it again. Because I didn't see any significant repercussions for my actions, ikwim. I would've had been like 'Yeah, ok, whatever, it's wrong, yeah I get it, shut up now yeah?'.

The approach the wife took towards me was extreme, and I'm not advocating that the OP do the same! (Also our situation was different in the fact, that as you say, we had a relationship.)

But it really shocked me. I thought that I was untouchable. And I clearly wasn't! I have never forgotten the words she said, the way she wailed as she hit me over and over. I didn't see her, or him, again for a long time.

The OP's situation is different to mine, but I really don't think taking a soft approach with this, or letting the girl stay in the house a minute longer is a good idea.

**Patty**

Don't make this your problem!


I wouldn't care if her mother didn't want her princess on a train by herself.

Pack her bag, get a ticket & shove her on it! As soon as!

And as for her mother.......tell her she's her daughter, she can deal with it. TBH, i'm more shocked by the mother's response than the daughter's actions.

Hell would be an iceberg before i'd let a 17 year old drive my husband from his home because he felt so uncomfortable


And it's 100 miles. Why can't they fetch her tonight? It's only a 2- 2.5 hour drive.

Sambucus_Nigra

**Patty** wrote: »

Don't make this your problem!


I wouldn't care if her mother didn't want her princess on a train by herself.

Pack her bag, get a ticket & shove her on it! As soon as!

And as for her mother.......tell her she's her daughter, she can deal with it. TBH, i'm more shocked by the mother's response than the daughter's actions.

Hell would be an iceberg before i'd let a 17 year old drive my husband from his home because he felt so uncomfortable


And it's 100 miles. Why can't they fetch her tonight? It's only a 2- 2.5 hour drive.

Exactly - they should have picked her up as soon as the OP told them about it.

kitschkitty

Morganarla wrote: »

I think if someone had taken the softly, softly approach with me, I would've been even more likely to do it again. Because I didn't see any significant repercussions for my actions, ikwim. I would've had been like 'Yeah, ok, whatever, it's wrong, yeah I get it, shut up now yeah?'.

The approach the wife took towards me was extreme, and I'm not advocating that the OP do the same! (Also our situation was different in the fact, that as you say, we had a relationship.)

But it really shocked me. I thought that I was untouchable. And I clearly wasn't! I have never forgotten the words she said, the way she wailed as she hit me over and over. I didn't see her, or him, again for a long time.

The OP's situation is different to mine, but I really don't think taking a soft approach with this, or letting the girl stay in the house a minute longer is a good idea.

Totally understand what your saying/where your coming from.

The reason I see a different PoV in this case I think is that I'm not sure if the OPs niece is in the same boat as you were, I mean this was a family member that she invited into her home. OP hasn't given any indication that she had any prior idea that her cousin had any issues/baggage she was bringing with her (IYSWIM).

I do agree with everyone who has said that the parents have done something wrong though and they need to stop sodding about and get their daughter home asap - that is definitely their responsibility and duty - to the OP (and her hubby) and their own daughter.

SuzieSue

NatalieH80 wrote: »

To top it all off, my husband is suggesting that he goes to stay with a friend until she's gone.

It should be her leaving, not him and I don't think it is a good idea him leaving you and your baby alone in the house with her.

I don't mean to worry you, but better safe than sorry, does your daughter sleep in the same room as you? If not, then I would make sure that she does while Sarah is in your house. If she is stupid enough to try to seduce your husband then she is capable of doing other stupid things.

PinkPrincessDD1

Morganarla wrote: »

Lets just say I was a 17 year old with extremely complex problems, including low self esteem, stemming from rejection by my parents due to my pregnancy with my daughter (who I then went on to lose), abandonment by my then fiance because of the loss of my daughter and then consequently being homeless and becoming hooked on drugs.

Yet despite all that, I had been brought up to know the difference between right and wrong, and I knew it the whole time of our whole affair (18 months long).

You may feel that you knew the difference and you naturally will have experienced guilt but if you had known what you were doing you wouldn't have done it.

VfM4meplse

NatalieH80 wrote: »

I feel embarrassed for her.

Don't be, the problem is with her, and of her creation, and she needs to deal with it. Your relationship with your OH has not been compromised, it hasn't even been tested.

NatalieH80 wrote: »

I've just tried talking to her about going home but she's now gone storming back upstairs (waking up our daughter in the process). This is a nightmare.

Thank you for all your responses.

This little madam needs to face up to what she has done and either make reparation or walk. You're feeling as though you need to clear up the situation she has created. You don't, she does.

One of the most useful lessons learnt early in life is that if you can dish it out, you have to be able to take it. 17 is a good time to learn it.

Lunar_Eclipse

NatalieH80 wrote: »

To top it all off, my husband is suggesting that he goes to stay with a friend until she's gone.

It's actually a very sensible (& self protecting) idea. Although he shouldn't be the one to leave.

I'm another that's quite shocked by her mother's reaction and lack of action! Perhaps she didn't realise how serious a proposition occured. I would want to protect your husband and make yourself comfortable and feeling safe in your own home, by moving her elsewhere tonight.

Good luck! It'll be over (for you, not her!) very soon.

Amanda65

Another one here who thinks you should call your cousin back now and tell her that she can expect her daughter home tomorrow. She has behaved appallingly (probably stupid rather than malicious) and if your cousin wants her to complete the work experience she will have to come to you and book them both into an hotel. How dare she pass the buck and make this your problem.

I think you have done well to try and speak to your cousin but it seems as though she is totally adverse to trying to have any dialogue with you about the situation. At 17 she is old enough to know that how you behave has consequences.