Am I being selfish?

melanzana

God almighty, men are such babies!

This is just ridiculous. How old is your OH.?

Do you by any chance do all the washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing, s hool runs etc?

Seems OH might be terrified of running a household by himself and he is stamping his foot!

Go for it girl.

Are you happy that the kids will be fine? At this stage, if yes, off you go.

PolishBigSpender

That's ridiculous. 4 weeks is not long at all. It looks to me like your husband is jealous of your career
I'm very sorry, OP, I have no constructive advice, apart from - do what feels right for you, he'll get over it. And if he splits up with you over something like that - well, I think he wasn't worth you anyway! He should support you and be proud of you, not treat you like that!

sassyblue

Tish_P wrote: »

how will he react if his son or daughter decides to study medieval history? It'd be like some weird joke. "You dare go to Oxbridge, my lad, and I'll disown you!"

Now this is an important point Suki. What if your children need to go to college or Uni to follow their dreams?

Hubby is lucky that he's achieved what he wanted to but it's a different world now.

indebtinsussex

hes being a twonk and if it was me I would call his bluff.

we're sort of in the same situation as dh has been given the opportunity for a promotion, but it will involve him being away during the week quite a bit.

Even though I'm not too happy with him being away, there is no way I would stand in his way. Its a fantastic opportunity and I'm proud of what he's achieved. If it doesnt work out then it doesnt work out but at least he wont wonder what could have happened, and more importantly resent me for potentially ruining his career.

Hollyberry

What an amazing opportunity! The people offering it to you clearly value your knowledge, skills and abilities, and I do hope that you feel able to take on the course. If someone offered something of the sort to my OH, like most people I would be delighted and excited for him. There is no way that you are being selfish by investing time and energy into your future, which is also investing in your family's future.

I can understand how your OH's reaction has come as a big shock. As you still have a while to work on things beforehand, I hope that you are able to properly talk things through before you finalise your decision. It is easier to say than do, but you will need a clear brain to make the most of the learning available to you.

Wishing you all the best with this, and hoping your OH recognises that a happy and fulfilled you is the way forward.

suki1001

Morning everyone, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement, it's made me realise, I'm not just being daft.

For the time being it's a waiting game while I build up my dossier of reasons to do this. I know I shouldn't have to, but I'm not ready yet to just walk out. With two children, one who would be extremely heartbroken if we split up, i have them to think of them too. Much as i probably do run around a bit too much and we have our moments (although rarely), we work together and generally get on and I love him, even though in these circumstances he isn't being very fair to me.

It's possible he may not think those arguments are strong enough and I agree, i shouldn't have to compile anything, but at the moment, while he says he will listen to what I have to say (and hopefully calmly), I think this is the only way forward, so I'll have a better idea next week. Even if the benefits don't appeal to him, they may make me feel stronger and give me more confidence that I'm doing the right thing.

Thank you once again everyone. I will keep you posted.

Sambucus_Nigra

suki1001 wrote: »

I just think he has built up a world around him that was safe and he was happy (ish) and this bombshell has shocked him somewhat.

Going on a course is not a bombshell. Finding out you were previously a man would be a bombshell.

I'd tell him that if he is going to divorce me anyway then I'll do the 6 month course my boss mentioned instead - seeing as I had nothing to lose.

That you are now considering not doing the course is sad but if that's how it works in your marriage - he says jump and you say how high - then so be it.

suki1001

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Going on a course is not a bombshell. Finding out you were previously a man would be a bombshell.

I'd tell him that if he is going to divorce me anyway then I'll do the 6 month course my boss mentioned instead - seeing as I had nothing to lose.

That you are now considering not doing the course is sad but if that's how it works in your marriage - he says jump and you say how high - then so be it.

No, I didn't say I wasn't doing the course. There is the possibility that if we do split up, that I won't actually mentally be in the right place to do the course. The last thing I want is to be having panic attacks in the middle of London. In the past before I met oh - ended up having an ambulance called when I worked in Leeds with a panic attack and I pretty much lost my job because I couldn't cope.

I haven't given up, I'm just not a all guns blazing type of person. All I was saying was I need to put more stuff together so that even if he still doesn't agree, it will help me know that doing the course will be worthwhile.

valk_scot

VestanPance wrote: »

Threatening divorce over it makes him sound like a total nutter. Who in their right mind threatens the woman they love, partner and mother of their children with divorce over a training course?

Couldn't agree more. OP, it sounds like a major control issue to me, like he doesn't want "the little woman" stepping out her place, which is to be supporting him. If I were you I'd call his bluff, tell him you're going, set up your cover childcare and start packing. If he does walk out on you (and I'd stake my life he won't) then was he really worth having in the first place?

sassyblue

suki1001 wrote: »

but at the moment, while he says he will listen to what I have to say (and hopefully calmly)

Is he usually the boss in the relationship, because this sentence gives me alarm bells.

Keep us updated and don't back down because of HIM or you'll regret it.