Am I being selfish?

suki1001

At 36 i never knew what I wanted to do, until this year. I left school with a set of gcse's and with my husband who I've been with for 15 years we set up a company a few years ago. He does most of the stuff, but through it I've got into writing. I got a free lance job on a little paper and they've offered to fund journalism course. the only problem is it's 4 weeks in London. We have family around, I could do the work I normally do on an evening/the train, but my oh is saying I'm being really selfish putting my needs first, that it won't achieve anything, I just want to swan off to London and feel important and that if I go on it he'll divorce me. I'm gutted. Any level headed advice.

My family are supporting me - his parents feel it's too long. He says it will put too much on him, but my mum has said she will give any help he needs. My children are 8 and 11, he says they will suffer and he won't accept any help.

I've been in tears over the last couple of days and swaying between that I should do it, or back down. My son would be devastated if we split up. I don't want to split up with him, because other than this we didn't really have any problems. I can't understand why he won't support me.

partialycloudy

er no you sre not being selfish.....4 weeks in London is not a long time. He is the one being selfish, as a couple you should support each other not just one support the other.
If he would divorce you over something so trivial, then he cannot be a very supportive person!

19lottie82

I was thinking of how to look at both view points fairly until I read this part

suki1001 wrote: »

oh is saying I'm being really selfish putting my needs first, that it won't achieve anything, I just want to swan off to London and feel important and that if I go on it he'll divorce me.

your husband sounds like a horrible bully.

ciderwithrosie_2

If I've understood this right - would it be just weekdays and travel home every evening?

suki1001

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

If I've understood this right - would it be just weekdays and travel home every evening?

It's too far so it would be travelling home at weekends

Hermia

He sounds totally selfish. It's only four weeks! Partners should want their OH to excel, not want to hold them back. And your kids are old enough to understand that you won't be gone for ever. My mum went into hospital in London for a few weeks when I was 7 and I totally understood what was happening. In fact I had fun spending time with my dad even though I missed her. Your husband could bring the kids down one weekend and they could have a little trip and get to visit you too. I would go. If you don't you will always wonder what you could achieved. Maybe you could be winning a journalism award one day! Maybe that is what your husband fears.

choccybuttons

Go and do the course. How many people have opportunities like this paid for them. You deserve this and its only for a month. Nothing stopping Dhaka bringing the kids up on last weekend and having a bit of a family holiday too

cte1111

Oh gosh how awful. Obviously there will be more work for your husband to do at home and your kids are bound to miss you, but marriage is a partnership and surely it's worth a few weeks of managing to gain a real career advantage like this.

I'm shocked that your husband would threaten you with divorce over this. Would it do any good for your Mum to talk directly to your husband and explain that she is happy to help in whatever way necessary to enable you to do this? Maybe not, but could be worth a try.

Perhaps your husband feels a bit threatened, he could be worried that if your journalism takes off you won't be able to contribute to the business as much? TBH I'm trying to find excuses for his behaviour, I don't think my husband would react like he has.

My husband sometimes has to go away for a week for work, I do find it hard managing on my own with the kids (they are similar ages to yours). However I know that the training courses he goes on are important to him and his job. I do sometimes have a bit of a moan about it, but threatening to split up with him over it? Heck not in a million years. Both partners being happy in their work is important to the family too, not least the extra income that learning new skills can help bring in.

reehsetin

4 weeks is really not the end of the world, I could understand if the kids were tiny maybe it might cause problems but an 8 & 11 year old!
He should absolutely be supportive of your aspirations rather than threatening divorce

LandyAndy

Blimey. My wife worked away all week, every week for 18 months. We had two kids (albeit a bit older) and I had a job at the time and no family to help out. I seemed to manage Ok. There's only one person being selfish here and it isn't the OP.

stir_crazy

That's not being selfish, being away for 4 weeks (20 days if you go home at the weekends) out of your whole life is nothing. Hes trying to hold you back for some reason, maybe its not so much that he's a bully, but that he's scared you'll leave him and the family behind? Divorcing you over this is a harsh threat especially if you dont have other problems.

I think you need to talk to your husband, try not to let it get into an argument, just sit him down and explain why you feel this is an important opportunity for you and ask him to explain why he doesn't want you to go.