Am I being selfish?

VestanPance

Mupette wrote: »

i was at thier house last year and he couldnt have a conversation with me, forgotten how to communicate with the outside world, intrevert is it?

Other than the domestic abusing kill threaten-er bit that could be me. I'm not an introvert, but I can't do small talk at all particularly with folk I hardly know. I'm the exact opposite of a "people person".

suki1001

Mupette wrote: »

does he socialise, have friends around?

I ask as one of my closest friends is married to a very clever man, has his own buisness, doesnt have any friends, doesn't bother with family, tried to stop my friend from seeing her family and friends, ((domestic abuse))

i was at thier house last year and he couldnt have a conversation with me, forgotten how to communicate with the outside world, intrevert is it?

anyhoo what started off as small little mumblings became threats, he would walk up to my friend and say to her, there are so many ways i could kill you, :eek:

he scares the life out of me, told her time and time again that i am here for her, she will leave him, timing is one thing, a son at school and they are waiting for his to hit 11 so that she can move, husband realises marriage is over (has been for about 7 years) living sepharate lives in the same house for 7 years, she will love in 2 years he said ok, but he wants to buy a place near her to see their son.



RUN

He's only like your friends husband in that he doesn't really socialise himself, but he's never stopped me from doing that and we have been together a long time. He's happy in his own company. I have lots of friends, my sister nearby, my mum. In fact since the children got a bit more independent and family moved nearer, I see people more, took up running. If anything I thought he'd mellowed. I always was the mum on her own at events, but he's much more likely to come now.

I just think he has built up a world around him that was safe and he was happy (ish) and this bombshell has shocked him somewhat.

His lack of socialising is just that he doesn't like being in crowds etc and doesn't feel the need to get out - he likes working.

Threebabes

What a great opportunity. You have to do it, he should be encouraging you not threatening divorce. Enjoy it!

SandC

I think with courses even if they don't lead to promotion and payrises they are worth it to go on your CV. It makes you more employable than the person next to you who hasn't gone out and done something - or in this case taken the opportunity that was offered. Even if it doesn't mean more freelance work in a journalism area it could be more than useful in many ways with your own business. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth is what I say! It's not like a degree for the sake of having a degree, with no tangible 'you are qualified for x job' at the end of it, it's a 4 week training event.

I probably have more qualifications on paper than a lot of people my age in my sort of job. That's because I went from one employer who refused to pay for any training to help people personally advance in their careers to another who were hugely supportive of it and encouraged their employees to gain further qualifications. It's relevant but not a requirement but I'm sure that the last job I went for it gave me the edge over other candidates - both in terms of potential and in terms of having given the time and commitment to spending time in FE while working full time.

londonsurrey

suki1001 wrote: »

I just think he has built up a world around him that was safe and he was happy (ish) and this bombshell has shocked him somewhat.

His lack of socialising is just that he doesn't like being in crowds etc and doesn't feel the need to get out - he likes working.

Him being shocked is fair enough. The threat was immature and bullying.

He's entitled to like working.
So are you.
Normal civilised caring spousal behaviour is to recognise that you are entitled to do so too.

Putting a ring on your finger doesn't mean he gets a pet slave who doesn't get to do what she wants too. You're not jetting off to Las Vegas with a gigolo to blow your joint life savings, leaving him alone with two babies and no extended family support. That is being a bad mother.

thatlemming

He sounds either jealous or threatened by the fact that you've got a good opportunity. You should take it!

areia

life too short. its 4 weeks if it doesnt work at least you know youve had a go, the fact you have family back up is a huge plus in this, as i feel if you didnt you wouldnt of even of bothered considering it,

its most likely numorous reasons why your hubby is so again seems the ole fashioned hubby and wife thing most likely you stay at home look after the kids and i work, youve been together since you were v young, so i could see fear,

has he given any other reason than the put down, do you think he could cope with the kids ? the house ? have you tried doing a timetable to make life easier for him while you are away?

Have you ever actually been apart for any reason what so ever ?

krlyr

suki1001 wrote: »

Is it worth giving my marriage up for? I just hate feeling like I've got to choose.

You don't have to choose, it sounds like he's already chosen but wants to put the blame on you. This way, you go away, you've decided divorce - but you haven't really, it's a ridiculous, illogical ultimatum. You go away and he gets upset, I could understand, but unless there's a huge backstory we're missing, his actions just don't reflect what most rational people would do in this situation. It's like saying to someone, if you go in to work today instead of pulling a sicky to stay with me, you've decided the relationship is over. If you eat that greasy bacon sandwich, you've decided you want to die so you're suicidal. They're over the top ultimatums that put someone in a sticky situation but their choice in those situations doesn't really reflect their true desire.

I would put it back on him. Whether you go or not, it's irrelevant, tell him he's raised this issue now - does he want a divorce? Make him be the one in the hot seat.

Spirit_2

He does not want you to go away for 4 weeks but threatens you to be away from him forever by divorce?

It is not logical. It is bullying.

You are not his employee in your marriage, he seems to think he can dismiss you for being absent without leave.

He may not value education but plainly you do, which is just as well for your children's sake. What wil he do when they have to make choices about education?

My father was like this, he wanted me to work in a local factory or at best a bank he saw me as a contributor to household coffers. My mum and I schemed behind his back and I did go away to college.

The hypocrite would then 'show me off' to his friends as my daughter 'the student'.

My mum gave me wings.

glitter_fairy

would he go to marriage counselling with you? whether you decide to stay together or not?

Even if you split you have 2 children and need to get along for their sakes.

I hope this works out for you and I hope you go on your course,

I am normally a great believer on not giving up on relationships but more importantly you need to not give up on yourself.