Wedding invite and plus one (or not)

balletshoes

newcook wrote: »

I would never assume that an invite was for me and someone else unless it said +1 – as the saying goes, to assume makes an @ss out of u and me!

As for children at weddings/parties – while I love kids, if I was getting married I don’t think I would invite the kids as there are so many! Even with just the children of my 5 close friends it would mean another 14 places!

thats exactly how I see it too - but clearly other people do (regularly by the looks of things) assume that if one is invited, they get to bring a "plus one" anyway. If thats the case, why would people ever put "plus one" on their invitations? They might as well just address the invite to one person in the family and let them choose how many of their family they're going to bring along with them.

Torry_Quine

balletshoes wrote: »

thats exactly how I see it too - but clearly other people do (regularly by the looks of things) assume that if one is invited, they get to bring a "plus one" anyway. If thats the case, why would people ever put "plus one" on their invitations? They might as well just address the invite to one person in the family and let them choose how many of their family they're going to bring along with them.

I agree although you wouldn't be putting +1 to a married couple but Mr & Mrs xxx. When I married no-one was invited without their spouse and if unmarried then plus guest ( I don't like the phrase +1). Also I automatically assumed that a couple would bring children but I remember my aunt called me as she wasn't sure if my cousins were invited which of course they were as I'd just put Mr & Mrs xxx.:o

Just after we were engaged it was the wedding of my now husband's cousin and so I was invited. I knew no-one but him and his mother but it would seem strange not to be invited.

burnoutbabe

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

For a wedding I would expect a plus one or I wouldn't go. Many people don't want to go to such an occasion on their own.

I would check with the couple if it wasn't spelt out, but would consider it poor hosting if there wasn't a +1.

I 'd be fine without my other half if it was the sort of occasion where i'd know other people - ie old Uni mates wedding so 6 of us girls. Or say a cousins when i'd go with my sister/parents.

I'd decline if I'd know no one bar the bride and groom, but as long as i'd know other people, i'd be happy to be invited without a +1.

mintymoneysaver

All of the weddings of work colleagues that I have been to, it has been just us colleagues that have gone, even if our partners have been invited! We all love a night out without them, and as a mostly female staff we have a whale of a time!

coolcait

This thread has been a real eye-opener, in terms of realising how much of a minefield modern-day nuptials are!

To me, invitations work this way:

"...invited to the wedding...":

- Belinda Bellbottoms - the invitation is for me, and me alone
- Belinda Bellbottoms and Danny Drainpipes - for me and OH
- Belinda Bellbottoms, Danny Drainpipes, and the shorts - it's for me, OH and the kids
- Belinda Bellbottoms and guest - for me and OH (or Hugh Jackman, if he's free)
- Belinda Bellbottoms (no children) - OH babysits; I go to the wedding
- Belinda Bellbottoms and Danny Drainpipes (no children) -need to find a babysitter; if no babysitter available, decide which of us, if either, attends the wedding
- Belinda Bellbottoms and guest (no children) - OH babysits, I check if Hugh is free.

If I have taken the decision that my child-rearing style will not include having others babysit, then I accept that I will not be able to attend child-free weddings. So, I would decline those invitations gracefully and politely, and send an appropriate gift.

Similarly, if I am unwilling to attend any social event unless my OH is also in attendance, then I accept that I will not be able to attend weddings where I am invited in my own right, as a friend, family member, workmate of the bride, groom or both. So, I would decline such invitations gracefully and politely, and send an appropriate gift.

seven-day-weekend

coolcait wrote: »

This thread has been a real eye-opener, in terms of realising how much of a minefield modern-day nuptials are!

To me, invitations work this way:

"...invited to the wedding...":

- Belinda Bellbottoms - the invitation is for me, and me alone
- Belinda Bellbottoms and Danny Drainpipes - for me and OH
- Belinda Bellbottoms, Danny Drainpipes, and the shorts - it's for me, OH and the kids
- Belinda Bellbottoms and guest - for me and OH (or Hugh Jackman, if he's free)
- Belinda Bellbottoms (no children) - OH babysits; I go to the wedding
- Belinda Bellbottoms and Danny Drainpipes (no children) -need to find a babysitter; if no babysitter available, decide which of us, if either, attends the wedding
- Belinda Bellbottoms and guest (no children) - OH babysits, I check if Hugh is free.

If I have taken the decision that my child-rearing style will not include having others babysit, then I accept that I will not be able to attend child-free weddings. So, I would decline those invitations gracefully and politely, and send an appropriate gift.

Similarly, if I am unwilling to attend any social event unless my OH is also in attendance, then I accept that I will not be able to attend weddings where I am invited in my own right, as a friend, family member, workmate of the bride, groom or both. So, I would decline such invitations gracefully and politely, and send an appropriate gift.

Sensible post.

I don't quite know why people think it is insulting just to be invited on your own, especially if the person getting married is someone only you know. Whys should they have to make six places available for you, your partner and your offspring when they have never seen them before and will probably never meet them again? It will mean they can't invite people they DO know!

And if you don't want to go on your own, there's no need to get Ar$£y about it; just politely decline.

Job done.

When we had our blessing, we invited people by name, like John and Joan Smith or if it was a singleton, Richard Brown and Guest. We put 'Please, no children to due to limited space' on everyone's invitation.

However, if Richard Brown had had an invitation with just his name on and then brought a guest I would not have been best pleased.

newcook

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

For a wedding I would expect a plus one or I wouldn't go. Many people don't want to go to such an occasion on their own.

I would check with the couple if it wasn't spelt out, but would consider it poor hosting if there wasn't a +1.

Luckily a lot of hosts are aware of this and sometimes will only put the invite without ‘and guest’ knowing they will decline which then makes room for couples they wanted there without having to worry about folk saying ‘well, they didn’t invite me’.

I am the sort that will go to a party with or without ‘and guest’ – the last wedding I went to I only knew the bride and 2 of the bridesmaids but I still had a fantastic time, I wasn’t left out of conversations with other guests or felt like I was being shunned as I didn’t know anyone.
I love a party and am not going to turn down an invite just because I have no-one there to hold my hand.

RadoJo

skateykatey wrote: »

Thanks to all for your comments.

I think it's fair to say that I'm partly at fault for not explaining fully on the invites who exactly was invited and some guests were equally at fault for making an assumption.

However, in your OP you expressed annoyance with a guest who had contacted you to clarify as well - it's one of those situations where you have to be clear from the outset or any of the possible permutations could cause confusion/upset. Perhaps you could send out a mass e-mail explaining so that you aren't pinpointing any guest in particular.