Wedding invite and plus one (or not)

skateykatey

squirrelchops wrote: »

I would never assume it means +1. My partner recently received a wedding invite - it just had his name on the front with no...' xxx and xxx are invited to the wedding of'. Actually quite an odd invite!

I asked OH if I was invited too as it wasn't clear. Apparently I am.

I think the only thing that is clear here is that wedding invites are generally unclear!

meritaten

I wouldnt assume a 'plus 1' unless the invitation specifically said so. I have made lots of wedding invitations and that is something I ask people about for the wording of the 'inserts'. I prefer to leave a dotted line for the person to write the invite to 'Mr and Mrs' or to 'Miss Person and Guest' - you have no idea how many people this hadnt occured to????? especially if children are not invited!

Fire_Fox

I would not assume it means plus one. I didn't have random plus ones nor distant relatives at my wedding partly due to the very tight budget and partly wanting it really personal. Yes five people would absolutely have made a difference both in terms of money and atmosphere (ex husband wanted it like a family Xmas lunch).

Fast forwarding to this year my sibling had a much larger wedding and also did not have plus ones nor did my best friend. I went to both weddings 'alone' despite being in the wedding party but obviously there were people I knew. Actually spent most of one evening catching up with friends of the family I hadn't seen in years, and the second getting to know the wives of the groomsmen so mostly with couples.

There is nothing wrong in guests clarifying whether you mean plus one or not, but it's rude to assume and very rude to get uppity if you find out there is no plus one. People go to work drinks/ gatherings alone, or out with their friendship group without their partner, I don't see how a wedding reception is any different you are not surgically attached at the hip! You should invite a plus one if you are aware a guest doesn't really know anybody else or would be the only singleton, because otherwise they probably would feel like a spare part.

I don't see not wanting random plus ones being any different from not wanting children present, it's your special day and you should invite who you want to give it the atmosphere that feels right to you.

Torry_Quine

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I would not assume it means plus one. I didn't have random plus ones nor distant relatives at my wedding partly due to the very tight budget and partly wanting it really personal. Yes five people would absolutely have made a difference both in terms of money and atmosphere (ex husband wanted it like a family Xmas lunch).

Fast forwarding to this year my sibling had a much larger wedding and also did not have plus ones nor did my best friend. I went to both weddings 'alone' despite being in the wedding party but obviously there were people I knew. Actually spent most of one evening catching up with friends of the family I hadn't seen in years, and the second getting to know the wives of the groomsmen so mostly with couples.

There is nothing wrong in guests clarifying whether you mean plus one or not, but it's rude to assume and very rude to get uppity if you find out there is no plus one. People go to work drinks/ gatherings alone, or out with their friendship group without their partner, I don't see how a wedding reception is any different you are not surgically attached at the hip! You should invite a plus one if you are aware a guest doesn't really know anybody else or would be the only singleton, because otherwise they probably would feel like a spare part.

I don't see not wanting random plus ones being any different from not wanting children present, it's your special day and you should invite who you want to give it the atmosphere that feels right to you.

I agree that you shouldn't assume and check but disagree that on going to work outings etc on your own. I wouldn't go if my husband weren't invited and he feels the same. However I wouldn't throw a strop about it but accept that its the decision of the couple.

skateykatey

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I agree that you shouldn't assume and check but disagree that on going to work outings etc on your own. I wouldn't go if my husband weren't invited and he feels the same. However I wouldn't throw a strop about it but accept that its the decision of the couple.

I do think that this is pretty much a work outing of sorts. The family day (the wedding) will be a fortnight previous; this 'do' is more of a celebration party and actually, v little family are coming as they would already have travelled up for the wedding and celebrated with us. The invites made it clear that it is a celebration party and not a formal wedding reception.

The invites had peoples names on as either Jane or Jane and Michael for example or in the case of one chap whose GF's name we couldn't remember:o, Michael and guest.

When I gave a late invite out on Friday, I explictly (not implicit!) stated that unfortunately I couldn't invite her husband and she stated that she assumed that as his name wasn't on the invite he wasn't invited anyway; she also wasnt' bothered about it, in fact was quite excited of a night out without him!.

Person_one

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I don't see not wanting random plus ones being any different from not wanting children present, it's your special day and you should invite who you want to give it the atmosphere that feels right to you.

'Its your special day' but that doesn't mean you don't have to consider others, sadly that's something that gets forgotten a lot by brides and grooms in recent years! The reception is actually supposed to be for the sake of the guests, not the couple.

I've gone to weddings 'alone' but only where I knew several other guests well enough to feel comfortable and not like an odd one out having to make stilted small talk all night.

If you have guests coming who don't know many of the other guests, its a kindness to let them have a plus one and will probably make the difference between them being able to relax and enjoy your wedding and just putting in the time to get through it for your sake.

skateykatey

Person_one wrote: »

'Its your special day' but that doesn't mean you don't have to consider others, sadly that's something that gets forgotten a lot by brides and grooms in recent years! The reception is actually supposed to be for the sake of the guests, not the couple.

I've gone to weddings 'alone' but only where I knew several other guests well enough to feel comfortable and not like an odd one out having to make stilted small talk all night.

If you have guests coming who don't know many of the other guests, its a kindness to let them have a plus one and will probably make the difference between them being able to relax and enjoy your wedding and just putting in the time to get through it for your sake.

Not sure if this is directed a me but all the guests do know, very well, at least 5 other people so no one would be alone. One girl does have anxiety issues and initally said that she would love to come but wouldn't feel comfortable as she doesn't drive so couldn't just up and go when she wanted. I've told her to invite her sister, who does drive, so that she can have this escape route, despite me not knowing her sister.

I'm the first to admit that I do sometimes have difficulty 'reading' people and I do have a tendency to see things in black and white but I'd like to think that, on this occasion, I have thought of my guests and do want them to have a good time. I'd just rather not a party full of people that I don't know!

katie1812

I would be really miffed if I was invited to a wedding and my husband wasn't. Same if my husband was invited and I wasn't. I wouldn't go on my own, and neither would he. If you aren't really limited to numbers then why would you not invite partners?

meritaten

Its a classic case of when it comes to wedding invites - you WILL upset someone! seems to be a universal law!
Invite the people you want and dont worry about those who get miffed - they are not thinking about you but themselves!
and yes, I know this will upset some - but, weddings cost a lot of money and you really cannot invite everyone! not unless your daddy is Bill Gates!

Torry_Quine

meritaten wrote: »

Its a classic case of when it comes to wedding invites - you WILL upset someone! seems to be a universal law!
Invite the people you want and dont worry about those who get miffed - they are not thinking about you but themselves!
and yes, I know this will upset some - but, weddings cost a lot of money and you really cannot invite everyone! not unless your daddy is Bill Gates!

Very true.