Wedding invite and plus one (or not)

74jax

skateykatey wrote: »

Now surely that is taking the P*** on a seismic scale...

On the weddings board a bride2B posted the invitations had been sent out to Mr & Mrs xyz and family...........

Mr & Mrs not only brought there kids but around 5 cousins and 3 nieces:eek: too

I think you have to be VERY clear on invitations.................

balletshoes

74jax wrote: »

On the weddings board a bride2B posted the invitations had been sent out to Mr & Mrs xyz and family...........

Mr & Mrs not only brought there kids but around 5 cousins and 3 nieces:eek: too

I think you have to be VERY clear on invitations.................

I agree - but how much more clear can you be, if only one person is mentioned on the invitation?

FBaby

My partner and I are getting married next year and we are facing the same dilemma. We are in our 40s, both have numerous friends on both sides, some who know eachother some who don't, and many with youngish children. The reality is that if we were to invite everyone + partner + children, we just couldn't afford it, or even if we did, would feel terrible spending so much money on one day. Yet, the alternative of inviting only our friends without their partners/children seems incredibly selfish of us.

In the end, we've both agreed that we neither wanted to ruin ourselves to please others, nor offend any of our friends, so we will be getting married with close family only!!!

[Deleted User]

Totally agree with this. My husband is a very private person and hated the idea of a big wedding. We agreed we would only have people there that we BOTH knew and who had been part of our lives in the previous 2 years that we had been a couple. We had a wonderful day with 20 guests including one of my close friends who happily came without her husband and my children - 2 of them brought their long term partner, the third who had been dating her boyfriend for about a month, was quite happy to attend without him. Sharing the day with people we loved and who loved us made it so much more special than the big production i had in my 20s when about 25% of the 160 guests were people i had never met before

jtr2803

Some of my family should count themselves lucky they are invited, let alone consider a +1!! :rotfl:

MarilynMonroe_2

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't think it's 'rude' not to invite random plus ones. But living together partners and spouses should be considered IMO. However, I do not think its rude to not invite children. Many 'functions' are unsuitable for kids anyway, though if you don't want to or cannot arrange childcare and want to go it must feel a little alienating. I don't see there is much anyone can do about it though.

I think not inviting children is really rude when its family and they know its impractical for you not to bring them, but the person I am talking about is all for show anyway - children and babies, even though family, would have spoilt the effect.
Still saved me buying a card and present kerching!

MarilynMonroe_2

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Sitters: absent parent, grandparents, other relatives, friends of the family, parents of best friend .... I think people do know how it comes across, but they don't want or cannot afford to bump up the costs by 25% by inviting everyone who might be offended or upset by not being invited - all those plus ones, children, distant relatives.

My dear cousin and her husband have three children but attended my sibling's wedding without them even tho it involved two nights away. I suspect she was a little surprised/ disappointed, but she is far too lovely to say to the happy couple - she even almost came alone when it seemed her husband would have to work. The only person who threw her toys out of the pram was a cousin on the other side who wasn't permitted to bring a new unknown boyfriend. Says it all IMO. :mad:



Plenty of couples don't have the money to be 'generous spirited' in your eyes, not every venue has the space for extras. I only had forty to forty five at the wedding breakfast and there was barely any space in the room for anyone else. Had we invited everyone that convention dictated (plus ones, children, distant relatives) we'd have had to get married somewhere else entirely - the only reason we were allowed to do several things we wanted was because we took over the entire ten bedroom hotel day and night.

So we'd have had a completely different venue or style of day, a buffet not a sit down meal, not written our own vows and had our own ceremony. Or we would have had to miss out close friends or close relatives, to invite someone we didn't want! There was no more money in the kitty, everything was tightly budgeted and we spent half of the average at the time.

Also to be fair we have moved on from the original premise which was plus ones especially those you had not met, not necessarily husbands or wives. Different weddings I have attended have had very different atmospheres, the worst was one with two hundred at the wedding breakfast with plenty of plus ones who didn't or barely knew the bride and bridegroom (including me!). The best were emotional affairs with an absolutely magical atmosphere IMO because every last guest absolutely adored the happy couple. :happylove

I'm talking about a new baby sitting on your knee, hardly going to bump up costs. And I would personally never leave a child of mine with a sitter.

NoAngel

74jax wrote: »

On the weddings board a bride2B posted the invitations had been sent out to Mr & Mrs xyz and family...........

Mr & Mrs not only brought there kids but around 5 cousins and 3 nieces:eek: too

I think you have to be VERY clear on invitations.................

Haha, this may have been me. I couldn't remember whether I'd invited second cousin + partner or second cousin + family. He turned up with partner and a whole load of 18-20 somethings... about five of them! They were his kids, her kids and their partners!

Fire_Fox

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

I'm talking about a new baby sitting on your knee, hardly going to bump up costs. And I would personally never leave a child of mine with a sitter.

You don't let any of these people watch your children: absent parent, grandparents, other relatives, friends of the family, parents of best friend? :huh:

You didn't refer to a single newborn you said "it was no children allowed. Quite where people were meant to leave their kids ..."

johnswife

I have three daughters and when they were younger there were a number of invitations that we accepted and had to arrange childcare. I never felt offended and just felt it was my problem and if i couldn't do it then i would have to have refused the invitation.
Also there were family weddings so all the usual babysitters i.e. my sisters were also at the wedding.

My daughter is getting married next May and there will be some children at the reception. At the evening reception we are inviting all the children of guests if they have any.

There are a few guest for the evening that are being invited without a partner but we have not put a plus one. If any of them turn up with someone we don't really care.