Wedding invite and plus one (or not)

Morganarla

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I would not assume it means plus one. I didn't have random plus ones nor distant relatives at my wedding partly due to the very tight budget and partly wanting it really personal. Yes five people would absolutely have made a difference both in terms of money and atmosphere (ex husband wanted it like a family Xmas lunch).

Fast forwarding to this year my sibling had a much larger wedding and also did not have plus ones nor did my best friend. I went to both weddings 'alone' despite being in the wedding party but obviously there were people I knew. Actually spent most of one evening catching up with friends of the family I hadn't seen in years, and the second getting to know the wives of the groomsmen so mostly with couples.

There is nothing wrong in guests clarifying whether you mean plus one or not, but it's rude to assume and very rude to get uppity if you find out there is no plus one. People go to work drinks/ gatherings alone, or out with their friendship group without their partner, I don't see how a wedding reception is any different you are not surgically attached at the hip! You should invite a plus one if you are aware a guest doesn't really know anybody else or would be the only singleton, because otherwise they probably would feel like a spare part.

I don't see not wanting random plus ones being any different from not wanting children present, it's your special day and you should invite who you want to give it the atmosphere that feels right to you.

I agree.

Tbh, I find the concept of assuming that you're allowed a plus one (or indeed entitled to one, judging by the attitude of most posters...) quite rude.

Must make a metal note for when I'm sending out my invites, to add a
politer version of 'if your name is not on here, then you are not invited.'

skateykatey

katie1812 wrote: »

I would be really miffed if I was invited to a wedding and my husband wasn't. Same if my husband was invited and I wasn't. I wouldn't go on my own, and neither would he. If you aren't really limited to numbers then why would you not invite partners?

When I said we weren't really limited on numbers, it was because the venue is big enough to hold a large number of people but...I still have to pay to cater for them. If we've catered for 80 and people invite their OH's then it's additional cash for us to pay out for people we neither know nor invited in the first place.

skateykatey

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Very true.

Thank you and also to Meritaten for understanding that I'm not being a selfish bridezilla.

skateykatey

Morganarla wrote: »

I agree.

Tbh, I find the concept of assuming that you're allowed a plus one (or indeed entitled to one, judging by the attitude of most posters...) quite rude.

Must make a metal note for when I'm sending out my invites, to add a
politer version of 'if your name is not on here, then you are not invited.'

Thank you too; we did originally think of putting something like that on the invites but honestly thought that people would know that if their name wasn't on the invite then the reason was, well..because they're not invited!

If people wish to clarify matters then that's one thing but to just automatically assume that they have a plus one invite is tbh pretty rude I think.

If you do find a polite way of saying no plus ones, let me know! (but I bet you still get people asking if their husband etc can come!).

Fire_Fox

Person_one wrote: »

'Its your special day' but that doesn't mean you don't have to consider others, sadly that's something that gets forgotten a lot by brides and grooms in recent years! The reception is actually supposed to be for the sake of the guests, not the couple.

I've gone to weddings 'alone' but only where I knew several other guests well enough to feel comfortable and not like an odd one out having to make stilted small talk all night.

If you have guests coming who don't know many of the other guests, its a kindness to let them have a plus one and will probably make the difference between them being able to relax and enjoy your wedding and just putting in the time to get through it for your sake.

Selective editing! Earlier in that same post I clearly stated "You should invite a plus one if you are aware a guest doesn't really know anybody else or would be the only singleton, because otherwise they probably would feel like a spare part."

AFAIK the reception is having ones friends and family/ loved ones celebrate YOUR special day with you, the whole day is about the bride and bridegroom, if they have a sit down meal the spotlight is clearly on the top table throughout. Whilst I want to enjoy a wedding I see my role as guest/ bridesmaid/ sibling doing a reading to help make their day perfect, even if that is just by smiling and making small talk. At my best friend's wedding I spent a fair bit of time being nice to the flower girls, at my sibling's I spoke in front of a group - two things I dislike but it was about making the happy couples days special.

meritaten

I wish you a happy wedding skateykatey! You are not being a bridezilla!
Invites name those invited (self-evident one would think) - to 'assume' you can bring someone unless the invite says so, is the hieght of bad manners! how embarrassing if there wasnt a chair or meal for them?

Oh, just seen your post - The polite way of declining a plus one is to tell people the numbers have already been 'confirmed' with the caterers/and or venue and cannot be changed now!

Person_one

skateykatey wrote: »

When I said we weren't really limited on numbers, it was because the venue is big enough to hold a large number of people but...I still have to pay to cater for them. If we've catered for 80 and people invite their OH's then it's additional cash for us to pay out for people we neither know nor invited in the first place.

I always think its a bit odd to invite people to come and celebrate you choosing to spend your life with your partner, and then you don't invite the partner they've chosen to spend their life with...

Person_one

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Selective editing! Earlier in that same post I clearly stated "You should invite a plus one if you are aware a guest doesn't really know anybody else or would be the only singleton, because otherwise they probably would feel like a spare part."

Sorry, wasn't really aimed at you, more of a general observation. Aimed at anybody who'll listen to me, which is usually not many on this subject!

However, I'm afraid you're wrong about the point of the reception. The clue is in the name.

The ceremony is for the couple, the bit afterwards is where you receive your guests and show them how grateful you are for them coming to watch you get married.

Fire_Fox

Person_one wrote: »

Sorry, wasn't really aimed at you, more of a general observation. Aimed at anybody who'll listen to me, which is usually not many on this subject!

However, I'm afraid you're wrong about the point of the reception. The clue is in the name.

The ceremony is for the couple, the bit afterwards is where you receive your guests and show them how grateful you are for them coming to watch you get married.

I see a different emphasis (emboldened)! I enjoy reading your posts, and enjoy discussing with you, regardless if whether we agree or disagree.

Person_one

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I see a different emphasis (emboldened)! I enjoy reading your posts, and enjoy discussing with you, regardless if whether we agree or disagree.

Hate to be fussy, but while you may believe that the purpose has changed (and it has, I have to admit that) I'm afraid that's definitely the original meaning of the reception.