Domestic

Sambucus_Nigra

UserName - you need to tell them ANYTHING that you think relevant - they can't think of all possibilities.

Mojisola

UserName01 wrote: »

I was asked to sign his notebook which stated he had visited my house and spoke to me regarding a text message. He stated that I denied sending it and was given a warning.

I wouldn't have accepted a warning - which is a presumption of being guilty - for something I didn't do and the police have no evidence to link with me.

UserName01 wrote: »

I have just been woken up by a text message off his friend. Should i report the text to police as I believe my ex is breaching his bail conditions so would be arrested. The text is just one word (name calling).

Of course!

Your ex is setting out to make you look like the problem. It will be a familiar story for people trained in DV. Can't remember whether you have contacted Women's Aid, Victim Support and the DV unit at the police station.

UserName01_2

I don't know his friend personally but have had texts off him in the past, nothing for months so this is obvious that the text is to do with the recent incident. However he could deny knowing his friend contacted me so not quite sure if this would be indirect contact. I will ring and report it and see what they say. Hopefully they will arrest him since they came out to me regarding a silly text.

stormbreaker

likelyfran wrote: »

No, you obviously can't!

Do you know me or anything about me? I can't say I know you?

To UserName01,

Please contact the domestic liason officer for your area.

No one will be charged or arrested for your text message. There is a huge problem with proving these cases as often they can say who the phone may be attributed to but having the evidence to prove who sent the text is near impossible!

The police would come to see you regarding the text that was thought to come from you to try and 'nip' things in the bud, if they were told that this was the start of things or even had been ongoing for a while but first reported. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and it was you who first after two years of abuse took the step to report a text, would you not expect them to at least make the effort and have words with the person they thought was reponsible?

AGAIN Please contact the domestic liason officer for your area. The fact that there was someone else in the car is vitally important. Whether they are willing to give a statement or not. He can be cited to court as a reluctant witness.

3v3

A good number of forum members have recommended you speak to a dedicated Domestic Violence Officer/Womens Aid but I cannot see anywhere that you have taken that step?

I do understand that you posted on a forum to get advice/perspective/support, but to ignore the people/organisations who are specialists in this area and are knowledgable on the latest courses of action available to you is ... naive?

UserName01 wrote: »

..... surprised they wasted their time coming out for something so silly, fair enough if it was a threat but someone texting stating SS should be informed for their childs welfare is ridiculous. ...

UserName01 wrote: »

..... Hopefully they will arrest him since they came out to me regarding a silly text.

I know you are upset with how the Police are handling your situation and I know how distressing being locked in an abusive relationship can be - but, I completely disagree that for them to respond to a concern for welfare issue regarding children is never, ever, "ridiculous"! Better to attend 1000 false calls than to ignore just 1 genuine one

So now you have received an abusive text from his friend? Perhaps you should now take the orginal advice offered by the Police and change your number? That will certainly prevent his friend sending abusive texts/waking you up. Pay-as-you go phones can be picked up quite cheaply (and probably cheaper than a replacement car).

Ok, so, now to your concerns about how you have been treated by the Police: the option open to you is to make a formal complaint to the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC)

I believe any positive steps you take to regain control of your situation will empower you and be the first steps in regaining your confidence.

So, please, do take some positive action of your own:-

~ change your phone/number

~ contact the designated DVO, or, if you have lost faith in the Police, contact Womens Aid

~ if you genuinely believe you have been treated unreasonably/unfairly by the Police, exercise your right to make a complaint.

Practical steps you can take:

~ being afraid to go out in your car could be over come if you
a) only go out if you have someone with you;
b) get friends to pick you up in *their* car;
c) use taxis on your nights out

~ keep a diary/log of anything which you feel pertains to him e.g. the date, time, content and number of any abusive texts; any contact from his family/friends etc

~ if you get on with your neighbour/s and have a party wall, perhaps arrange a "signal" you could use to alert them if you are in fear of your personal safety (then they can call the Police).

I'm sure there are other practical and positive steps you could take which would empower you.

UserName01_2

stormbreaker wrote: »

No one will be charged or arrested for your text message. There is a huge problem with proving these cases as often they can say who the phone may be attributed to but having the evidence to prove who sent the text is near impossible!

Really? So why was I told by the officer yesterday that my ex has bail conditions. He must NOT contact me directly or indirectly. This also means getting his friends to contact me as he WILL be arrested.

ETA: The police are coming out to see me regarding the text I received as he is breaching his bail conditions so he will be arrested.

3v3 wrote: »

A good number of forum members have recommended you speak to a dedicated Domestic Violence Officer/Womens Aid but I cannot see anywhere that you have taken that step?

I do understand that you posted on a forum to get advice/perspective/support, but to ignore the people/organisations who are specialists in this area and are knowledgable on the latest courses of action available to you is ... naive?

I already knew about VS and the DV team prior to posting (this information is on my local police force website) however I stated I will not be contacting them right now so no I am not ignoring anyone, I will be doing it when I am up to speaking to someone.

UserName01_2

3v3 wrote: »

I believe any positive steps you take to regain control of your situation will empower you and be the first steps in regaining your confidence.

So, please, do take some positive action of your own:-

~ change your phone/number

I was going to change my number yesterday however, thinking about it - I have not had any contact from him or his friends since before the incident apart from that text this morning. This is indirect contact so he will be arrested for breaching his bail conditions so I am pleased I didn't change my number as he can now be arrested.

sassyblue

UserName01 wrote: »

Really? So why was I told by the officer yesterday that my ex has bail conditions. He must NOT contact me directly or indirectly. This also means getting his friends to contact me as he WILL be arrested.

Don't get your hopes up, he'll only lie and the person who texted you being a friend of your ex will say they texted you off their own back. The police won't spend a lot of money chasing up a one word text message that didn't refer to the incident or threaten you. Don't get me wrong, l hope they do but they've got to prove it came from your ex.

I can understand the police coming out the first time and telling you and your ex that it was tit for tat, l guess they hoped you were having a bad patch and would get through it without further involvement. But now things have escalated they are taking it more seriously, l think it was terrible that more came to see you about the supposed text message you were supposed to make so you should complain about that though.

Also, and l mean this nicely but asking if you should report the text you received is a no brainer, l can't believe you even asked. You need to get TOUGH, complain to the police and refute anything they say that you don't agree with.

UserName01_2

sassyblue wrote: »

Don't get your hopes up, he'll only lie and the person who texted you being a friend of your ex will say they texted you off their own back. The police won't spend a lot of money chasing up a one word text message that didn't refer to the incident or threaten you. Don't get me wrong, l hope they do but they've got to prove it came from your ex.


Also, and l mean this nicely but asking if you should report the text you received is a no brainer, l can't believe you even asked. You need to get TOUGH, complain to the police and refute anything they say that you don't agree with.

I phoned up to report the text and didn't expect the police to come out but he is in breach of his bail conditions. Yes he can say his friend text off his own back but my ex will of told all his friends about the incident and that he has bail conditions so I can't see them wanting to text to get him in trouble so why would they want to text off their own back knowing they are not allowed to as it will likely get my ex arrested.

I do feel I am wasting police time over one text but the officer yesterday told me to report every contact from him or his friends so that's what I have done. I suppose the police can prove this is a frequent number dialled/text from my exs phone.

geoffky

Lots of people are on police bail without ever being charged....I very much doubt that his friends not contacting you can be one of his bail conditions because everyone is responsible for their own actions...You could stitch so may people up with a text and claim it was from his friend..