Domestic

UserName01_2

stormbreaker wrote: »

Two differant police have been given separate investigations. Had the complaint been made by your ex rather than his brother it may have 'flagged' up as a 'domestic' situation. The officer investigating the text message would have no reason to fully check you out before seeing you, even if he did he would be checking to see if you have any convictions, not to see if you had been a complainer.

Although I fully appreciate that what you have gone/ and are going through is horrendous for you, if this is the first time you have reported him for anything, the police do not know the extent and fuller picture, although it should be fully documented now.

His brother does not know my full name and address although he could have got this from my ex. My ex obviously does know where I live but he doesn't know my door number or street name as he always came down a different street which leads to my house so he thought that was my street address. This is why I think the officer will have likely looked up my details on the computer to confirm my address and there will have been recent reports regarding the incident last week so unsure how he could have missed that.

The police are aware of what I have/still am going through. I have reported him before for threats, abuse and violence - the Police came out and had a word with us both, said it was tit for tat and only advised me to change my number even though the threats and abuse are when I run into him so changing my number would not help. I thought it was just a waste of time so have not reported every incident. The officer today even said the same about it being tit for tat, they are only interested in silly text messages and not actual threats and violence.

RAS

Have you asked to speak to the Domestic Violence Officer? There should be a specialist attached to the station or to a group of stations.

whitewing

Perhaps because you are so frightened you are coming across as prickly.

I think you need to speak to Victim Support and they will help you deal with the situation in full, including the text message that you did not send.

stormbreaker

Are you on the voters roll? That is where the police would look first if they knew the area in which you stay but did not know your correct address. There are a number of other checks which can be made to obtain addresses without looking at complainers details.

Domestic situations are amongst the most difficult to deal with as so ofen it is one persons word against the other and so becomes tit for tat. The police are rarely there when things happen. They have to rely on what they are being told by witnesses.

I really think you need to get over the police problem!

Give yourself a huge pat on the back for moving on and getting away. Now concentrate on keeping safe. Your welfare must come first. Contact the force concerned and ask to speak to the Domestic Violence Liason officer for your area. They deal with people in your situation day in, day out. They are best placed to give the right advice.

I have not read through the whole thread but this is advice you have been given already. What has happened, has happened. We can't turn the clock back. Move on.

likelyfran

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I suspect the police didn't come out to see you quickly because you were no longer in imminent danger.

And I don't think the police actually have any formal obligation to inform you of what is happening with their enquiries. I expect they are rather too busy trying to catch the bad guys.

That's not to say that I think your concerns are not truly legitimate because they are. I'd be thinking about trying to get some support from Womens Aid in following it up. Even if they cant help you directly they may be able to offer advice on trying to protect yourself from this maniac in future.

1) No longer in imminent danger when a maniac has punched her car windows in and injured her? Who's to say he won't punch her house windows in too and get in and batter or kill her???

2) Are you serious? He's not a 'bad guy'??? :rotfl::rotfl:
You go on to say that the OP's concerns are legitimate but that ^ comment really does sound very dismissive!

Oh and yes, surely the OP SHOULD have been contacted by the Police when the assailant was arrested - you would think they would want her to know that she was safe for the time being!

likelyfran

UserName01 wrote: »

I am not happy with the way the police are dealing with this case.

First of all it took them 5 hours to come to see me, then over 48 hours to go and look for him. I was then told I would be informed as soon as he was arrested but I still would not have been updated had I not contacted them myself.

I still did not know if he was charged or not until today when I have an unexpected visit from the police. I then find out he is on bail and not allowed to contact me directly or indirectly. He is not allowed in my street and can not approach me. If he does then I have to ring the police and he will be arrested. I should of been told all of this before now as I did not know he had bail conditions and would be arrested if he broke them.

It's now 8 days since the incident and I have a visit from the police regarding one silly text apparently sent to his brother (who I have never even met). I was told the text was something along the lines of mistreating his children. I don't even know him nevermind how his children are being treated. I can't get my head around the police actually coming out to me regarding something so stupid.

I now have a warning on my record for something I have not done and if it continues and they can prove its me I will be arrested. Surely they should prove its me before giving me a warning. No wonder it took them 5 hours to come out when I was assaulted if they are too busy visiting less serious incidents to give warnings for stupid text messages.

How did the officer not know anything about this incident last week, he was from the same station (not that it matters) but his brother has the same surname and I am sure he would have looked up my details before visting me to see any recent reports on file.

I have suffered with abuse for 2 year while in the relationship too and have been too scared to report every incident. My own family did not know what I have been/going through (so I have tried and struggled to get through this myself) although they noticed I stopped enjoying myself and lost weight which I can't put back on.

Even when he and his friends have threatened me I thought it would be a waste of police time but if they come out for stupid text messages like that then threats are much more serious so I will report every little thing that happens from now.


Charged does not mean he has been found guilty so I only hope he did have a hand injury or pleaded guilty to assault so the case goes to court. It sounds as though he has only been charged with assault and not criminal damage, it should be both charges brought against him. Hopefully those few days in the cell have shook him up and taught him a lesson.

You would think so! I would make a formal complaint about this because it is just wrong if you did nothing and they should also be dissuaded from being so sloppy with anyone else. I understand that this in itself would probably entail more stress for you though.

likelyfran

UserName01 wrote: »

His brother does not know my full name and address although he could have got this from my ex. My ex obviously does know where I live but he doesn't know my door number or street name as he always came down a different street which leads to my house so he thought that was my street address. This is why I think the officer will have likely looked up my details on the computer to confirm my address and there will have been recent reports regarding the incident last week so unsure how he could have missed that.

The police are aware of what I have/still am going through. I have reported him before for threats, abuse and violence - the Police came out and had a word with us both, said it was tit for tat and only advised me to change my number even though the threats and abuse are when I run into him so changing my number would not help. I thought it was just a waste of time so have not reported every incident. The officer today even said the same about it being tit for tat, they are only interested in silly text messages and not actual threats and violence.

This is awful OP. A complaint needs to be made high above their heads.
It's not unknown for the Police to get things wrong and for things like this to be criticised in hindsight when something awful has happened because someone hasn't been taken seriously.
I don't mean to scare you or imply anything like that will happen in your case but in this case the Police (good as they are in general) need to get their act together!

likelyfran

stormbreaker wrote: »

Are you on the voters roll? That is where the police would look first if they knew the area in which you stay but did not know your correct address. There are a number of other checks which can be made to obtain addresses without looking at complainers details.

Domestic situations are amongst the most difficult to deal with as so ofen it is one persons word against the other and so becomes tit for tat. The police are rarely there when things happen. They have to rely on what they are being told by witnesses.

I really think you need to get over the police problem!

Give yourself a huge pat on the back for moving on and getting away. Now concentrate on keeping safe. Your welfare must come first. Contact the force concerned and ask to speak to the Domestic Violence Liason officer for your area. They deal with people in your situation day in, day out. They are best placed to give the right advice.

I have not read through the whole thread but this is advice you have been given already. What has happened, has happened. We can't turn the clock back. Move on.

Wow. How insensitive?

Can you imagine being a female who has suffered abuse and physical violence from a man, going to the Police for help and protection, and being told dismissively that it's all just 'tit for tat'?

No, you obviously can't!

Yorkie1

Likelyfran you are coming across as very emotionally involved in this. Do you have a history of domestic violence which is clouding your perspective in this matter?

The OP was no longer in danger when she rang the police. Hence no immediate response being needed.

It can take time for an arrest to be secured, for various investigatory / resource / strategic reasons.

I fully agree that the police should have kept the OP informed of the arrest, charge and bail conditions. That was wrong of them not to do so and a complaint would be justified.

OP, it is unreasonable to expect the police to link the assault with the subsequent complaint about the text message. I did not fully understand your long post about it OP, but I do not understand why you say you have a formal warning on your record. Were you asked to sign a formal harassment warning? If so, why did you do so? You denied it and there will be no evidence if the truth indeed is that you never sent that text.

You MUST update the police with the medical outcome from tomorrow; it could affect the level of charge as I previously stated.

Finally, I don't know where you got your information about assault charges from but (assuming you are in England or Wales) it is completely inaccurate. There is no such offence as third degree assault, carrying 2 years' imprisonment. As previously stated, there is common assault (max 6 months); ABH and GBH/wounding (both 5 years max at CC, 6 months at Mags), and GBH/wounding with intent (max life).

UserName01_2

likelyfran wrote: »

Wow. How insensitive?

Can you imagine being a female who has suffered abuse and physical violence from a man, going to the Police for help and protection, and being told dismissively that it's all just 'tit for tat'?

No, you obviously can't!

I had never been in an abusive relationship until I met my ex so I did wonder why women did not leave an abusive relationship and report the abuser to the Police. Having been through this myself now, I now understand how hard it is to leave the relationship and how hard is it to speak to anyone about it, even those close to you.

My family and friends did not know about the abuse I suffered everytime he was drunk. They did notice I started to isolate myself and not go out and enjoy myself as much as I used to. They also noticed I lost weight and wouldn't eat much but I kept everything to myself as I felt I couldn't speak to anyone about it.

When I finally report the violence, abuse and threats to the Police, they come out and have a word with us both and I get told it is tit for tat and to change my number. He wasn't warned to stay away from me and not to contact me, nothing was done so I felt let down by the Police and didn't bother to report every incident until the most recent one which could have left me blind!

The officer who came out today regarding a silly text message even used the words 'tit for tat'. Yes, I am sure threats, abuse and assault is just a bit tit for tat - they are clearly more interested in silly text messages than dealing with more serious incidents so I will be writing a complaint.

I was asked to sign his notebook which stated he had visited my house and spoke to me regarding a text message. He stated that I denied sending it and was given a warning. I actually can't believe the Police are wasting their time coming out for something so silly, they should have just called the number the text was sent from or advised his brother to change his number like I was advised to do as it sounds like tit for tat.