Domestic

Mojisola

UserName01 wrote: »

A neighbour asked why I didn't dial 999. To me it wasn't serious enough, it wasnt an emergency and he drove off so the crime wouldn't have been happening when I phoned. 101 was the number I needed but I couldn't remember it with being in that much shock.

Shock and fear can affect you like this. Think ahead in case of future events - have the number listed on your phone, stick a label on the dashboard with a reminder, etc.

The more you can feel in control of situations, the less control he will have over you.

Are you in contact with the police DV team? Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

UserName01_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Are you in contact with the police DV team? Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

No, the Police haven't even told me that there is a domestic violence team I can speak to.

I have phoned the eye infirmary and they have told me to go back as it needs looking at. I was told it would heal within one week. It's not painful but my vision is no better, its still blurred. I'm hoping this is normal and not permanent damage. He could have left me blind!

I imagine this incident is as serious as smashing a glass in someone's face so who knows what degree assault he will be charged with.

princeofpounds

Might be worth looking into some kind of restraining order?

Sambucus_Nigra

UserName01 wrote: »

You must have missed my first post where I stated I did not know where I was going. I did not want to be stopped at the tragic lights ahead knowing he would get out of car as I know what he is capable of. I wanted to get away, it was dark, I did not know where I was going so I ended up on a Cul de sac. He blocked me in so I could not drive away. Next time I will make sure I know where I am going and not end up in a dead end. I think the safest thing was to keep driving not stop at traffic lights it was just unfortunate I ended up at a dead end.

I wasn't having a go - I know how frightening it is. I'd make sure you scout out all the police stations in your area, and perhaps safe houses where all your friends live?

You need to change your car pronto though.

whitewing

I am sorry that you are worried about it happening again.

I don't think it would be a good idea to drive through a red light though, however scared you are, because it may well cause a serious accident to yourself and other people.

Have the police got in contact with you?

Have you tried to call Victim Support? I am sure they would help you out. I understand when you are frightened and anxious that it can be hard to ask for help, but do ask because someone somewhere will be able to support you with this and help you feel safer and have a good emergency plan.

UserName01_2

The police have not been in touch since Wednesday afternoon when she called to say someone would be looking for him that night. Since I had no update to say he was arrested, I decided to call Thursday dinner time and was told he was arrested late Wednesday night and he needs to be interviewed. He will have been interviewed and released on Thursday so unsure why I have not been told if they charged him or not. I thought I would have been informed by now so don't know what they doing.

I feel a lot more at ease now so not going to contact VS yet, although I will always be frightened I run in to him again so I will never be able to have a night out. My main focus is finding a new car and making sure I have no permanent damage to my sight.

Loretta

This is an emergency always dial 999 when anything happens with him. If he has been released he may have bail conditions ie not to go near you, you need to ask the police that because if he does come near you again he is also breaking his bail conditions and bail may be withdrawn. A weekend in the cells does cool them off for a short while! Once you know that you don't have to wait for him to do anything at all just near you and not keeping away is enough reason to dial 999 immediately. Please take this seriously, any contact from him should be reported as domestic violence or harrassment, tell the police need to speak to someone who is properly trained to deal with domestic violence

Fire_Fox

You only won't be able to have a night out if you try to deal with the stress of the last year by yourself, please contact one of the several charities already recommended, they are experienced in helping people get back to a normal life. Unfair as it may seem often getting these things addressed is a case of being proactive and even pushy, not being a victim in all senses of the word. Don't let him stop you living happy and free.

I absolutely think this was serious enough for 999, might be the police would have responded faster if you'd called them immediately. Completely understand why you did not but think you are being unfair on the police to complain that they were slow and that a drunk driver was on the loose.

marisco_2

UserName01 wrote: »

I have had problem with an abusive ex for over one year now

If he approaches you again and tries to do anything silly immediately call the police. Call 999 not 101. The fact that this guy has been an ex for over a year and is still so dead set on abusing you is extremely concerning.

From things you have divulged on this thread you left an abusive relationship. Abuse is all about control. He will have been furious that he no longer had a level of control over you, that you saw through him and walked away. The reason he is behaving this way toward you is because he cant accept not having you be his victim. I doubt very much that he has any concern about repercussions from what he is doing. His mind is so twisted that he cant logically think through what he is doing to you or that it is so terribly wrong.

I found it very sad that you are still adjusting your life to accomodate this guys madness. I think you are a young woman who is hugely restricting her life because you are scared to death of bumping into this person. That is not a healthy or normal way to have to live your life. I know how hard it is because I have been there. Seek help and advice from the organisations who are set up to help you. This situatuion will not go away and most likely things will escalate. You deserve so much better than to be living in fear like this. Please value yourself enough to believe that.

Yorkie1

UserName01 wrote: »

Anyone know what will happen regarding the police. Are they likely to update me with details (this week) if he has been charged or will the next thing I hear be a date to attend court if it goes that far which I am hoping it does.

UserName01 wrote: »

No, the Police haven't even told me that there is a domestic violence team I can speak to.

I have phoned the eye infirmary and they have told me to go back as it needs looking at. I was told it would heal within one week. It's not painful but my vision is no better, its still blurred. I'm hoping this is normal and not permanent damage. He could have left me blind!

I imagine this incident is as serious as smashing a glass in someone's face so who knows what degree assault he will be charged with.

Several practical issues here.

1. Do you have a crime reference number or details of the officer in the case (OIC)? (I think you said that the initial officer said they would have to hand the case over to another officer?).

Either way, you should be able to find out who the OIC is by contacting the police with your crime reference number, and asking for an update.

2. I think it is entirely reasonable to ask for an update on the situation from the OIC or the domestic violence team at the police station. If you can go into the station and ask at the front counter, you'll probably find that they deal with you better than over the phone - it's harder to refuse to help in person.

3. If he was indeed interviewed last Thursday then he will, as you say, have been released without charge, bailed without charge for further investigations, or charged.

For example, did you provide the police with signed consent to access your medical records relating to the injuries from this incident? If so, they may be making this sort of enquiry at present - or other enquiries depending on what he said in interview.

4. Level of charge.

You do need to keep the police informed as to the situation with your eye, in particular. This is really important, and another reason for getting in touch with the police now, to update them on the need to go back to hospital.

On the question of which charge, the least serious offence is common assault, which can only be tried in the magistrates' court. The next one up is actual bodily harm, then grievous bodily harm. These can be tried either at the magistrates or the Crown Court. The choice of charge depends on the level of injury / its permanence, and the likely sentence.

5. Court.

If he was charged then he is likely to be at court sometime this week. Did you provide a full witness statement to the police when you reported the incident? If so, did they take details of your future unavailable dates from you?

The reason I ask this is because at the first court hearing, the court will decide what to do with the case. If it is common assault, then they will take his plea and, if he denies the charge, they will probably fix a trial date using the dates you gave the police.

If the case can be heard at the Crown Court, the court will decide where it should be tried. If it stays at the magistrates, again they will take his plea. If it is going to the Crown Court, there will be an adjournment to get the case ready for there.


But this is all information which you can file away for future reference. The most important thing is to make contact with someone at the police station and ask for an update. It is possible that there isn't a DV team at the station, but the force will almost certainly have a DV liaison officer and, if all else fails, ask for their details.