Domestic

Mojisola

marisco wrote: »

I would strongly recommend that you contact Women's aid and take their advice. They have a 24 hour freephone helpline number 0808 2000 247. I am sure they will take your situation very seriously.

I would second this and, in addition, the next time he starts following you, phone the police.

The police will give victims of abuse alarms for their home. Ask them if there is something similar you can have for your car.

Although I can understand not wanting to get stuck at traffic lights, it's much better to stay on as busy a road as possible so that his actions will be seen by other people and cctv cameras. Don't get yourself stuck in back streets again.

UserName01_2

marisco wrote: »

I dont want to make you feel worse but there is no way on earth he is going to plead guilty. Part of the mentality of someone like your ex is to not accept responsibility for anything they say or do. Correct me if I am wrong but I bet a pound to a penny anything that ever went wrong will not have been his fault in his eyes. His type try to deflect all their faults and failings onto other people.

You are absolutely right. It was always my fault for his violence and abuse, not his. He would never accept responsibility. He always said 'It's not me, its you'. To be honest, I did start to feel like I had gone wrong some where and started to accept the blame as thats what abusers do. I have read about abusive relationships and how they control you and make you feel as though it is your fault - it was like reading about him. Everything on the website was him.

I don't drink often and even when I do, it doesn't turn me into a violent abusive lunatic with everyone, it makes me the complete opposite. I am still the same person in drink only with a bit more self confidence.

If he has denied it, then found guilty he would be in more trouble so I think there is a small chance he may have pleaded guilty. Even if he hasnt pleaded guilty I am sure he will have at least some cuts on his hands or bruised knuckles so could have been charged - it is bugging me not knowing what has happened! I have cuts on my face and hands which have not healed so I hope he hasn't getting off lightly.

whitewing

You can report non urgent stuff online perhaps. So at least you would have a trail of minor incidents that the police could review.

Yorkie1

marisco wrote: »

Unless the police have witnesses or evidence that he did anything they cant charge him either. The time delays in all of this will count against there being any justice and him being made to face the consequences of such serious actions.

I must take issue with this aspect of this post. You do not know the evidence in this case, nor can you say with certainty what will be the charge outcome in this case.

There is no requirement in law for independent witnesses. The medical evidence provides corroboration, although none is required in law.

The time delays that you cite are in no way at all insurmountable.

Prosecutions have in fact been brought before without the complainant even giving evidence (although in this case it doesn't sound as though it would be likely).

Please do not pre-judge the case.

ETA: I agree with others' comments about the police reasons for not responding immediately on the 999 call. I would see no difficulty in contacting the DV unit at the police station and asking for a progress report.

There_Goes_Trouble

Poor you, this sounds such a horrible ordeal!

There has been some good advice, change your car if at all possible, even if it's for a type you don't especially like. You can wait for the 'right' car to come along another time but for now you need to not be fussy and make yourself less easily identifiable. If he follows you, stick to main roads where you will have witnesses and possibly cctv of any incidents. Call the Police while he is following you - it's the one time you're unlikely to get charged for driving whilst talking on a mobile phone but put it on hands free if you can, or get yourself a bluetooth device and make sure it's always plugged in and ready to use when you're driving.

Most importantly though, seek legal advice. Solicitor if you can afford it, CAB if you can't. And do keep following up this recent Police involvement. Don't assume they will keep you informed. They are understaffed and very busy, routine phone calls be will way down their list of things to do, rightly or wrongly that's how it is.

Good luck, stay safe but don't let this idiot continue to control and abuse you. You need to start going out a bit, try going to a friends house if you're not confident to be somewhere public.

Sambucus_Nigra

And if you get followed again, drive straight to the nearest police station - not down a cul de sac!

debtfreenewbie

Large hugs go out to you. Even if they charge him he will not stay away so you may need to consider moving.
Anything will be better then the life you have now, I am saying this from experience.....
The police should be able to advise you but not all their dv cases go through to court as scared women back down. I was told this by an officer. I found it difficult when they come to the house, obviously you are not living together but he may se you have police there.
Take whatever help they give you, maybe a shelter in your area so he doesnt know where you are.
Can you change your route or hours so he doesnt kow where you are?
This will not stop hunny so you need to be able to look out for yourself.
Maybe get an alarm, carry hairsspray, anything that can help...
Keep in touch with us please, Id like to now you are ok.

UserName01_2

I have been thinking all day if I should give the Police a call for a quick update but unsure what information they can and can't give me. Would they be able to tell me if he had a hand injury, when he was released and if he was charged or on bail?

I know they don't have to inform me when he is/was released but in this situation I think I should have been informed especially since they know I am living in fear. I have not reported other incidents due to them not taking much of an interest last time and because I have been scared of his reaction so have been expecting him turning up at my house or causing more damage to my car since he was arrested.

My vision is still blurred in one eye which the nurse told me would heal within 5 days but it is still no better. I am really hoping it is not permanent damage to my vision. I'm definitely going to get it checked out again tomorrow and hopefully have an update from the Police if I don't phone them in the meantime.

Will update you all as soon as I know what is happening.

adelight

When you ask the police for an update, raise the possibility of an alarm and ask how you would go about stopping him from contacting you. I don't know how much it will help with getting more information from them about where he is etc but I think it's better to be as open as possible. When I had a vaguely similar situation I voiced all my concerns and fortunately it was dealt with very well.

Big hugs and hope your eye heals soon xx

Mupette

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

And if you get followed again, drive straight to the nearest police station - not down a cul de sac!

. I did not know where I was going and ending up in cul de sac with no space to turn my car round.

don't know about you but i think her mind was on getting away from this loony not 'oh must not get stuck in a cul de sac'

lived with an abuser, the ex husband had to be dragged to court for an injunction, the police were pretty bad at domestic abuse 16 years ago, the local police station that i called each time claimed to be a center of excellence in domestic abuse, shame they didn't tell the staff who worked there.