Domestic

3v3

UserName01 wrote: »

....
Why can you not understand that I do not wish to talk to anyone about this yet...

Posters are possibly feeling frustrated because had you spoken to the DVO, photographs of your injuries could have been taken, the history of abuse (even though it was not reported at the time) and a designated person who would have the *whole* story as opposed to different officers attending different incidents and only knowing snippets and not the whole story. This would build a stronger case.

Posters are possibly feeling frustrated because (as already pointed out) going to people who are specialist in their field will give you the very best of advice.

Equally, should you decide to complain to the IPCC, there is no knowing how that may (or may not) be interpreted?

While I can understand your reluctance, the fact is you *have* brought it to the attention of the Police. Now you need to follow it through to strengthen your position should this come to court.

As I said in an earlier post, you need to take some positive and pro-active actions by yourself to help yourself; the Police are not psychic and can only act on knowledge, facts and evidence.

Something to consider: if you are not able to speak honestly about it via a DVO, how do you think you will be able to "talk" about this when you are in a witness box? DVO's and Womens Aid are there to give you that (and other) support and advice.

Clearly it is your choice and no, you don't have to take the advice of a "stranger on a forum" (although it is the advice from strangers on a forum that you have turned to).

But it is a two-way thing: if you ask for advice and strangers take the time to read your posts, invest more time responding to your posts with well intentioned advice - which you asked for - you shouldn't really turn on them if they show frustration at your reluctance to take it. They are not your abuser

As for the Officer being a friend of a friend that will make no difference.

Fire_Fox

Sorry OP but I don't think you are coming over very well in your attitude to the police, deciding for yourself what is silly/ important and having expectations they should take your side and investigate the case as a high priority. None here fully understand the process nor fully know what is going on behind the scenes and they have not even finished investigating. I said earlier the police "don't keep everyone informed throughout every case, it's too costly and time consuming, also it can harm the case because many members of the public are indiscreet."

Now you are admitting you told a friend what happened and described the brother which is indiscreet, and it is something you failed to tell the police. So your friend could have been the one that took it upon themselves to text the brother, if it turns out they are that will reflect on you. It's absolutely right the police investigate this 'silly text' otherwise your ex can start claiming the police have been biased and treated him unfairly from the start which would be a disaster for your case. Also if they find witnesses that your ex was with his brother before and after the assault but you have intimated he was alone that won't look good either.

TBH it feels like you are angry at the police for all the terrible abuse that you suffered before and want them effectively to take action for all of it. But that is unfair because you didn't report it, all they have to go on is a tiny percentage of what has happened. IMO you would be best to work with the police, to be helpful and open, instead of criticising and threatening to complain.

UserName01_2

3v3 wrote: »

Clearly it is your choice and no, you don't have to take the advice of a "stranger on a forum" (although it is the advice from strangers on a forum that you have turned to).

But it is a two-way thing: if you ask for advice and strangers take the time to read your posts, invest more time responding to your posts with well intentioned advice - which you asked for - you shouldn't really turn on them if they show frustration at your reluctance to take it. They are not your abuser

Sorry, as previously stated, I did not come here for advice (although I appreciate you all taking the time time to give advice) - I came here to ask if I was maybe being a little impatient expecting an update so soon after he was arrested. I was informed that I'd be updated as soon as he was arrested but I had to phone the police myself to find this out. I didn't know why I wasn't being updated and if I should keep chasing it up or wait. However two different officers that I have spoke to both cant understand why I am not being updated. I am still awaiting a detailed updated from the officer who was supposed to be phoning me last night so will see how long that will be.

Mojisola

UserName01 wrote: »

Sorry, as previously stated, I did not come here for advice (although I appreciate you all taking the time time to give advice) - I came here to ask if I was maybe being a little impatient expecting an update so soon after he was arrested. I was informed that I'd be updated as soon as he was arrested but I had to phone the police myself to find this out. I didn't know why I wasn't being updated and if I should keep chasing it up or wait. However two different officers that I have spoke to both cant understand why I am not being updated. I am still awaiting a detailed updated from the officer who was supposed to be phoning me last night so will see how long that will be.

But if you contacted WA and the DV police officers, your case would be being dealt with differently. At the moment, the police have a "he said/did" and "she said/did" case and don't know the background to it. I doubt it will be given a great deal of priority.

If you contact the people who can help you, your life will be easier, you will be safer and the police will give your case higher priority. If you choose not to, that is your choice and not anyone else's fault.

UserName01_2

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Sorry OP but I don't think you are coming over very well in your attitude to the police, deciding for yourself what is silly/ important and having expectations they should take your side and investigate the case as a high priority. None here fully understand the process nor fully know what is going on behind the scenes and they have not even finished investigating. I said earlier the police "don't keep everyone informed throughout every case, it's too costly and time consuming, also it can harm the case because many members of the public are indiscreet."

Now you are admitting you told a friend what happened and described the brother which is indiscreet, and it is something you failed to tell the police. So your friend could have been the one that took it upon themselves to text the brother, if it turns out they are that will reflect on you. It's absolutely right the police investigate this 'silly text' otherwise your ex can start claiming the police have been biased and treated him unfairly from the start which would be a disaster for your case. Also if they find witnesses that your ex was with his brother before and after the assault but you have intimated he was alone that won't look good either.

TBH it feels like you are angry at the police for all the terrible abuse that you suffered before and want them effectively to take action for all of it. But that is unfair because you didn't report it, all they have to go on is a tiny percentage of what has happened. IMO you would be best to work with the police, to be helpful and open, instead of criticising and threatening to complain.

First of all no I am not angry with the police because of all the abuse I have suffered. There are reasons I have not reported every incident so no I don't want police to take action - dont understand why you would say that.

My friend knows both my ex and his brother but has had no contact with them for years and no it won't have been him that sent the text to his brother. He does not have a contact number for either of them. I described his passenger and he said it sounds like his brother so found a photo of him and it is the person who was in the car. This is not discreet, I am allowed to speak openly about the incident. The police did not ask if he had any passengers, she only asked if I did. If it was important she would have asked me as she went into every little detail.

UserName01_2

He has pleaded not guilty so I have to attend court in Jan to give my evidence. The evidence is my broken window and injurys which were photographed and my medical records from eye infirmary.

I think this is going to be my word against his unless police noted and took photos of any injurys to his hand. I will get advice from witness service before i attend court as they offer emotional and practical support.

Will my ex be present at the magistrates court or am I just going to give my evidence?

3v3

He will be present.

UserName01_2

3v3 wrote: »

He will be present.

I shake just seeing him and feel sick hearing his name. Don't think I can face him again but going to have to stand up to him or he will do it again.

RAS

You may be able to ask to give evidence behind a screen, please contact Women's Aid and Victim Support.

Normally, I woudl say, you WILL be allowed to use a screen but your failure to report other incidents may hinder this.

Sambucus_Nigra

If you don't contact anyone to help you - then it makes it look less like it was domestic violence - can't you see that? You may not be ready to tell anyone but you need people to help you through this and that's what they are there to do.